Topic : 9-9-06

Created on : Sunday, October 08, 2006, 09:30:47 pm

Author : wildforce

These last few months have been tough and rewarding. I have lost "2 daughters" in less than a year. they didn't die but were taken away from me. The first I had from the time she was 4 til she was 9. she lived with her mother but i had her more than her mother and even had her and her mother live with me full time for a year to help her mother get on her feet. Then her mother met a man and took her back full time. I had temperary custody of my boyfriends daughter who was 17 her mother called and signed over custody with out even meeting me because she couldn't handle her any more. We struggled getting to know each other and her getting use to have rules she had to live by a week before the custody went through her mother came and took her back since then she has turned 18 and her mother kicked her out and she dropped out of school. I talk to her weekly trying to get her to come back home and every time i feel deflated when she says no because she can't see what the future holds if she doesnt' finish school , but i have to just be strong and let her know I am here if she needs me and sit back and watch her and pray she is okay. After struggling on my own and trying to rise up above what i was told all my life that i was worthless I finally bought a new house for me and my three sons. After living there for less than year after being harrassed by neighbors and finding out my middle child might be bipolar i made the life decision to leave my 4 bedroom home and move me , my three boys, and my nine pets in with my boyfriend into his 3 bedroome trailor. it has been an adjustment on us all but i know in my heart the move was the right thing. but being a stay at home mom for 10 years and doing in home child care for disabled and foster children has made it very hard to go back out and get a job. It's alot diffrent than it was 10 years ago plus i know more about dora, power rangers, legos, sand castles, and hide and go seek then I do about what is required for a job. I am lucky though i have a very loving and strong man to stand by me. I have eight beautiful children .did i mention my boyfriend has five children. It's just somedays i have to question how one person can endure all i do and still get up every morning.. I'd like just one crisis at a time for a change but with ocd, depression and add. I guess im not doing so bad. i just have to believe every thing happens for a reason and i was ment to face these challenges for a reason.

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wildforce

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September 11, 2009, 10:41 pm

its been along time

dear diary

sorry its been so long, but my life has been busy. still loving the farm wishing it was mine and not having to deal with a drunk for a landlord, but happy to be on the farm. the kids are all growing so fast. donovan got his driving permit auughhh. griffin started intermediate school. garrison is in third grade. jim's 3 youngest have moved back to Ohio yeah..Heather is exspecting a baby in 2 wks. yes me and Jim are back together. As I have said many times before God has a sense of humor . Not long after we moved out Jim lost his trailor and had no were to go so he moved in with us. I now have 76 cats and 4 dogs. I have adopted out over 150 cats and dogs we took in off the street this past year. still battling the system for the kids and on are 4th bone dr for donovan. refurrals from the last dr. if anyone had told me this was going to be my life i would have laughed at them and told them they were crazy.I like what mother theresa said once "i always know god won't give me more than i can handle but there are times i wish he didn't trust me so much..." but he does have a way of reminding me that it could be worse. I ran into a lady the other day who has a bipolar son but also has cancer..I can't even imagine having to take griffin to kemo...my days haven't changed much in a year. up around 7am get gar up take care of cats, get his meds,breakfast , get him on bus, take care of cats, get griff up keep him undercontrol, get him ready for school and on bus by 9. leave for work til 1;30 run errands get home before gar get s off bus at 3 , get his homework done before grif gets home at 4. get his homework done, get kids ready for bed. spend time with jim, take care of animals..and get to bed around 3am..Donovan spends alot of time at his friends down the road he has a hard time dealing with griffin's manic and it sends him into manic when he's around him. I miss seeing him every day. but i know he is happier and safier there and we talk daily. he is growing into a fine young man I still worry now that he is off his meds, and try to talk him into considering them again, but his dr.;s say not to force him. I still see the ups and downs and worry about later in life, but I know God will lead him or show me how when needed. well it's late im off to bed I will try to write more often.

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