Quote From: markiemomI just settled a long drawn out painful custody battle with my ex. I am so not happy with the results but I felt it was the best thing I could do for my children even though the decision goes against my grain. I divorced a controling abusive, selfish man. To make a long story short - I am not allowed to move from the county the kids were born in even though I would like to move within the same state. I have a job and a house waiting for me out of town but am living on welfare in poverty here where the kids are court ordered to stay. This was all because my ex didn't want me to go and happened to say all the right things to the custody evaluator. I completely got shafted and was told by my attorney and his assistant that I just have to wait for my ex to screw up. Well, his alchohol abuse and the fact that he took my kids and kept them from me for 11 days so I couldn't move as we had verbally agreed don' t mean anything to the court system. He hasn't gotten so much as a slap on the wrist. I have to sit back and watch my kids get messed up and wait for them to be old enough to realize what is going on.
I agree with what Karen says - what if the kid honestly doesn't like the other parent? I haven't said anything to my youngest and he cries everytime he has to go to his dad's house. He had 2 episodes at daycare regarding not wanting to go and the custody evaluator took the word of his father (who wasn't there!) that it didn't happen. She never asked the daycare provider - nothing. Instead I get accused of alienating and am being dictated how to raise my kids.
Why do so many people think that because they are kids - they are stupid. Even their own father won't give them credit for being intelligent enough to see what is going on. I haven't had to say anything to the kids but no one will listen to them directly either.
Bitter in Minnesota
Bitter
Fifteen years ago, my daughter went through much the same as you have been going through. When my ex-son-in-law was doing and saying all the bad things about my daughter, we tried not to say things in front of the two kids about how we felt about him. I know there were harsh words said from time to time and I apologized to the kids for saying them. I also spent many hours praying for forgiveness for the things I thought about the man.
To make a long story shorter, I was finally able to tell my son-in-law that if he didn't stop saying the things he was saying and doing to my daughter that the day would come when the kids would realize what he had done and would probably hate him for it.
Well, my grandson is 21 now and is completely alienated from his father. He says he will never speak to him or respect him again. My granddaughter is 18 and now lives with her mother and doesn't have anything to do with her father either. When asked, both children say that their father is a liar and they will never forgive him. I pray that isn't so, because they need their father, even if they don't know it now.
Nana 212
