Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Replies to 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

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October 3, 2008, 8:09 am PDT

Amen to that!

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

I totally agree with 'Natesmom4ever'......... We have been battling a bitter bio-mom for 12 years now.

Dr. Phil's "5 mistakes parents make" ........ she's done/doing all 5

My question for Dr. Phil (are you listening ?) is ----- what can we do to help a child who has been put in this situation ? We can all recite our horror stories, but later today, when he's home from school, what can we do to help him ?

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nasale

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October 3, 2008, 1:11 pm PDT

I'm glad you said what you did.

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

I'm one of those who is accused of alienating my kids, but if the truth be known, they were alienated waaaayyyy before their father finally left for good. He moved thousands of miles away and then proceeded to convince his new friends&family that it was MY fault that they wanted nothing to do with him.I won't bore anyone with the details of our life with my ex, except to say it was horrendous. If anything, my now grown -up kids are very angry with me for not getting them away from their father a lot sooner.I feel tremendous guilt for what I let them go through. Its not always the custodial parent who is the monster or completely in the wrong. There are some really bad parents out there who SHOULD be kept wawy from their kids!

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carriegyrl

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October 3, 2008, 5:32 pm PDT

Dear TARGET PARENT

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

Hi Nates Mom. Your user name sounds familar. I think I may have seen your username in another PAS Support Group. I am writing to you on behalf of the NJ PAS Support Group, a small (but quickly growing) group of Alienated Parents from New Jersey. Many of our group members were at the Family Preservation Festival in Washington DC this past August.

Of course PAS is real; we are all experiencing the hurt and loss of our children, the horrible hatred....at this time. Our group (unfortunately) grows larger and larger every day as the word spreads to so many people we meet through networking and just talking about our cases.

We are VERY happy that this subject has FINALLY been aired on the Dr. Phil show. We know through our contacts that the show has been trying to get this topic on Air for quite some time. Funny how the OTHER parent, the parent DOING the Alienating, the parent BRAINWASHING the children NEVER agrees to be on the Dr. Phil show to tell his/her side of the story! NEVER. That has been the problem for a couple of years now. And stil, to this day, only the Target Parent appeared on todays' show.

We are experiencing Parental Alienation right NOW. WE are all experiencing our children turning against us, saying they don't want to see us, saying they hate us, being horribly disrespectful and LYING to the other parent, not even wanting to associate with extended family. Our NJ group was formed by several people who originally wrote to Dr. Amy J. L. Baker (read her book!!) and I am so very glad she put us in contact with each other.

We are trying very hard to make CHANGES - legislation to require Family Court Judges to be REQUIRED to attend a course on Parental Alienation as part of their required Continuing Education Credits BEFORE being allowed to sit on that Family Court Bench. At least that...to UNDERSTAND that just because a child says "I hate my DAD/ MOM" and "I dont WANT to go see my Dad / Mom anymore!!" that allowing that brainwashed child to make his/her OWN adult decision at a young age can have DEVISTATING results when they grow up.

Read Richard Warshaks book. Read Amy J.L. Bakers book. Read more about Richard Gardner's findings, read Douglas Darnell's book.........those naive folks out there NEED TO EDUCATE themselves - BEFORE getting divorced. We have got to do something to prevent this horrible form of child abuse to go on and on and on and on and destroy our children, who are OUR future!

-------Carrie in New Jersey

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ncmandsahm

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October 4, 2008, 4:17 am PDT

10/03 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

I agree with you 100% NatesMOM!!

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nogirlinnc

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October 4, 2008, 3:00 pm PDT

I am there

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

My daughter and I last saw each other before mother's day so I could take her out and get a gift for her to give her mom. I also bought her gifts for her (my daughter's)birthday. After that she decided as her mother has said (I have ask to, but have not been allowed to, talk to her) she wanted no contact with me.

I have tried txt msgs and cell phone calls and Letters, birthday, Christmas cards, Calls to the house. All have been ignored. I have NEVER been late for child support yet my ex makes more than me, Has the house all bought and paid for, and recieves half my Disability pension!! Yet I can not even speak with her.

I have recieved one text msg in nearly 2 years from her phone saying her mother has not had any influence on her decision she just never wants to see or hear from me again.

Her Mom works at what was her Middle School, the one she went to while we were going through the divorce. I have only recieved a couple of school report cards in the mail and nothing else.

I am at wits end and have stopped all correspondence to give my daughter what she says she "needs". I have moved on in my life and am getting married again. Call me crazy but I am in "mad" love with this girl. I just wish my daughter cared enough. I think my ex is influencing her. Any help with my sanity? I cant afford a lawyer. I lost all my money in the divorce.

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japholloway

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October 9, 2008, 7:33 am PDT

I am in your same boat... Its ugly to say the least.

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

I too am in your same boat. I have been divorced since 2002. We have had at least 28 separate issues filed with the court during our divorce. Even now - 2 years with me being remarried things are in constant turmoil. My middle son who is 18 will not even speak to me - his dad has worked on him since the age of 12 to alienate him from me. Now my 11 year old is showing the same signs. I am fighting with all I have to keep this from happening. Why cant someone see what is happening to these innocent children? I am tired of my children paying the price to make thier dad feel better. They didnt choose this - therefore they should'nt pay the price. Not only has my ex alienated me from my sons lifes - but my extended family as well. How can you tell a child that part of him is bad? How can people do this. It baffles me. I have shed many many a tear over this and have tried to look over things and do my absolute best by my kids. I hope the counselers and the court systems out there - keep an open mind and try to do what they are supposed to do - and protect these precious innocent children. Dont let them keep paying the price of thier biased parent.

Japholloway

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imsighing

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December 26, 2008, 8:32 am PST

12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

AMEN!!!

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natestepmom

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May 1, 2009, 8:15 am PDT

It works both ways

Quote From: natesmom4ever

I want to send a message to all of you parents out there that think you're doing the right thing for your child/ren by supporting their "decision" to cut out the non-custodial parent out of their lives, whether they are paying child support or not.

Think about this: If you are in any way, shape or form exaggerating, manipulating, telling white lies, twisting the truth, fabricating events, justifying and/or rationalizing, in order to influence your child/ren's love and opinions of their other parent, YOU ARE COMITTING PARENTAL ALIENATION! It's that simple and THAT'S CHILD ABUSE!

Children are much more forgiving than us adults and I'm not saying that where there is REAL abuse going on it should be ignored. Those of you who are truly dealing with abuse know who you are. This message is not for you. Its for the rest of you, and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! "If you know in your heart that you are doing and saying things that are inaccurate because you really would rather not have to deal with your ex for whatever reason, then you are being selfish and you are robbing your child/ren of their right to love, forgive AND be loved by both their parents.

Natesmom4ever

I for one know who you are talking about, but this just isnt the case, without going into all this detail, my husband didnt purposely cut you out of his life, your own son has his reasons, some are good, some are not, but there is two sides to every story. I realize some arent good enough reasons to have you not his life for the past four years, but nevertheless, those are his feelings, and he has to leave with it, judges, doctors and all the professionals, all agree with his feelings. I know how you feel though, you are trying to get it right in your head how your own son could disown you, so you are looking for anything that you can to blame it on. There is alot of different circumstances that happened to get him where he is today. I am still encouraging him to have a relationship with you, and i tell him to call you and etc. We are not saying anything negative to him to reassure him that it is okay to have a relationship with you. Give it time, and we will see what happens. I just wanted to say that, that there is two sides to every story.

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Replies to '12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"'

Amen to that!

I'm glad you said what you did.

Dear TARGET PARENT

10/03 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I am there

I am in your same boat... Its ugly to say the least.

12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

It works both ways