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November 3, 2005, 8:28 am PST
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Quote From: ulfarmerMy son is 14 and is going to have a son. The girl came to me to let me know first, she was 7months along. Me and my husband had to tell her father. Of course being the single dad he is was mad and I am sure embarrassed that he didn't see it. Later he asked my thoughts about it and what I wanted. I told him we all talked before he got there and I wanted to take the baby. He said fine. Now he won't let her talk to us and said he wants to put the baby up for adoption to "A RICH FAMILY", my son is very up set and will not sign any papers. I know he is young but does her father have the right to not let us have anything to do with my soon to be grandson. Money doesn't buy the love I already feel for the baby. She knows I love and care about her too. I spent all summer doing things with her and even taking her to buy her school clothes. I want so much to be apart of this babys life. Her father told us if my son don't sign the papers they will keep the baby and make it hell for him. Her dad is also a alcoholic and has dirty house and it scares me to know the baby might go to that home. Please someone let me know of our rights. I have looked up everything and nothing has said anything about a fathers rights. Ah, what an awful situation. (NOT judging your situation, by the way. Just saying it's unfortunate.)
One thing I would strongly advise is seeing a lawyer to find out exactly what the laws are in your state. I'm in Ohio, and my brother was in this situation at 16. Being a minor, my mother was his guardian and had to consent to everything he did.
You may have to file papers to have the baby tested for paternity - most of the time this is usually something the mother will have done (or the state can force her, I *think*,) but in my brother's case, she didn't want to have it done and intended to keep him out of his son's life. He had to pay for the tests and all court costs associated with everything they've done so far (nephew is turning 3, by the way,) it is all my brother's responsibility to pay for it.
Her father CAN make things difficult for you, he CAN make it hell, but you have to remember that your son DOES HAVE RIGHTS, no matter what her father tells you. You may have to have them in court all the time, but you have to keep at it. In our case, the judge ordered that my brother have visitation with his son and set up an agreement. When nephew's mother violated it, my brother filed contempt charges on her for not allowing him to see his son. So on and so forth.
My mother now has custody of my nephew - that happened in May. Nephew's mother had dropped out of high school and was pregnant again (different guy) and wasn't taking care of my nephew. We all sat her down and talked to her about it and at first she agreed to sign custody over to my brother but when it came time to do it, she refused because he's stationed 3000 miles away (military) so she signed over to my mom, instead. Since May, she's called twice.
These things can often turn very ugly and be heartbreaking for everyone concerned, but I wish your family the best of luck when dealing with it.
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