Replies to '08/18 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge, Part 2'
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November 8, 2005, 4:46 am PST
 Quote From: mariejosee Hi everybody.. I have been very confused lately.. My husband and I have been married for 4 years.. just had a baby, 5months old . Already have a 12 years old son from previous relationship.. Everything was fine until my husband started to have a anger probleme with me . We have fight all the time if I give my opignon. But if I agree to everything his way then it's good.. When He get's mad he always call me bad names. like "B" word.. "C'' word etc... anything you can think of.. At first he wasn't like that he would just lose patient easly.. That it but now since he lost his job after the baby came he getting worst.. . He call my other son of 12 years old . lazy ,, coach potatoes .. I tell him to stop because this is not good for his self- estem. He take this lightly.. I try to talk to him many time make him understand , read books about this.. nothing work ,, the minute he is mad he start again.. He even don't really say he is sorry . He think I give him reasons for getting like that , What I don't undertand is why he can be the nicest person in the day with stanger and in close door so disrespectful.. Last time we got in a big fight he pushed me ,, with the baby in my arms. That's when I realise !!! it's getting pretty bad , I told him never do that again of I would leave him... 3 weeks after that he called me again names.... IF he love me why can he change. I love him but very desapointed and have a hard time to forget and forgive him. He know this hurt me so much ,, and still does it.... I told him to go in therapy but he once told me he think that's bull"""' is there's hope in this marriage . Maybe this is because of his lost job.... I hope ,, I would feel guilty to leave because of my little baby... who would be without a father.... so young . Verbal abuse can be worse than physical which it seems as if that is what he is resorting to also. I would separate and require him to get help. I understand you don't want to leave because of the baby but it would be worse for the baby to grow up in an abusive household. If he is angry he lost his job I understand but grow up, be a man, find another one, stop the self pity.
Your 12 year old will really be affected by this in later years if you don't do something about it now. You don't want him to treat his future wife like that because that's what he grew up with and that's all he knows. Your son will respect you more if you stand up for yourself.
Your husband pushing you with your child in your arms is a clear sign that he "NEEDS HELP". Again, I think you should find another place to stay until this is resolved, it may get worse!!! You need to think about your children!! Name calling and tantrums are not a positive way to communicate, you need to help your family. You need to protect yourself and your children. Please take the first step and do a separation... it doesn't mean it will end in divorce but if you don't do something now, you could end up worse than divorced. He could really hurt you and or your children. Good luck to you!!! |
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November 8, 2005, 8:24 pm PST
Quote From: mariejosee Hi everybody.. I have been very confused lately.. My husband and I have been married for 4 years.. just had a baby, 5months old . Already have a 12 years old son from previous relationship.. Everything was fine until my husband started to have a anger probleme with me . We have fight all the time if I give my opignon. But if I agree to everything his way then it's good.. When He get's mad he always call me bad names. like "B" word.. "C'' word etc... anything you can think of.. At first he wasn't like that he would just lose patient easly.. That it but now since he lost his job after the baby came he getting worst.. . He call my other son of 12 years old . lazy ,, coach potatoes .. I tell him to stop because this is not good for his self- estem. He take this lightly.. I try to talk to him many time make him understand , read books about this.. nothing work ,, the minute he is mad he start again.. He even don't really say he is sorry . He think I give him reasons for getting like that , What I don't undertand is why he can be the nicest person in the day with stanger and in close door so disrespectful.. Last time we got in a big fight he pushed me ,, with the baby in my arms. That's when I realise !!! it's getting pretty bad , I told him never do that again of I would leave him... 3 weeks after that he called me again names.... IF he love me why can he change. I love him but very desapointed and have a hard time to forget and forgive him. He know this hurt me so much ,, and still does it.... I told him to go in therapy but he once told me he think that's bull"""' is there's hope in this marriage . Maybe this is because of his lost job.... I hope ,, I would feel guilty to leave because of my little baby... who would be without a father.... so young . Hi there,
Look, I was in a very bad relationship at one point in my life. I took the stupid abuse for about 1 year then I decided that I was worth more then he can offer me. You seem to be a very nice woman and that you tolerate this crap from him way to easily. He first of all should never ever call your the b word or even worse the c word. This shows a great deal of disrespect from his part. You are the mother of his baby. Pregnancy and taking care of a baby is hard work im sure and you have your fair share of stress to deal with to. He is basically taking all of his stress out on you instead of working with you to communicate better and try to resolve the issues together !!!
You should not take this crap from his another day !!!! Im sure that all of the mental abuse you have suffered has left you with little self esteem but please hear me loud and clear, do not tolerate or accept this abuse from him another day.
I can guarantee you this, if he is starting to push you around now just wait 'till later. Your baby deserves alot better then this and i'm sure that you want better for your baby. Unless he is willing to work on his issues or it will get worse, I guarantee it !!!! I know trust me !!!
If I was you I would definetly try to talk to him about this when all is calm in your household. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you will not tolerate one more day of abuse !!!
You are the mother of his child and you deserve alot better then that !!
Tell him that you will not accept his behavior or things will change.
You have ressources out there to help you, there are places you can go that will keep you and your baby safe from the abuse. Go to the nearsest clinic and they will help you. :)))
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that things get better for you. |
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