Replies to '11/11 Dating Disasters'

 Don't give up on e-dating just yet.  I met my husband on-line, and it is the most loving,  mutually respectful relationship.  It CAN work and it has worked for many couples.  But, just like 'real life' dating, you have to use some common sense.  I met a few toads along the way as well, but when I finally met my future husband it was different.  You have to be honest, and at the same time, don't be gullible enough to think that everyone else is being honest with you.  If there are red flags going  up, don't ignore them.  Now, grant it, maybe I was lucky,,,maybe it was 'destiny', as some of my friends have said, but I don't believe that.  I think you have to work at e-dating just as much, if not more than in 'real life' dating.  By the time my husband and I had our first meeting we were so comfortable with each other that it just seemed natural.  And we did spend a lot of time 'real life' dating after that initial meeting before we decided that we would spend the rest of our lives together.  It's a slow process, getting to REALLY know someone, and I think way too many people try to rush it.   We worked very hard at getting to know not only each other, but each other's families.  His mother and I are very close, and I thank her every day for raising such an awesome son.  He has so much respect for women and  makes me feel like I am the most special woman in the world.  We have never even had our first fight yet and we have been married for 4 years.  (That's a whole other story,,,,we keep trying to plan our first fight because we hear the 'making up' is so much fun, but we always get laughing so hard when we try that we haven't been able to actually have one yet...lol)
There ARE men out there who are wonderful, funny, loving, respectful guys,,,,you just need to keep looking.   And you have to a good steward of that love.  As Dr. Phil says 'You teach people how to treat you', so teach them that you are worthy of a loving relationship, and you will attract the right guy eventually. 
Good luck and I hope it all works out for you whatever you decide to do.

My response is...wait. and stop "looking" for him. Most of us have tried every avenue to find a mate. I realized for me that when I was "looking" I was desperate.  I was in my mid 30s and so tired of being single. But I also realized that it wasn't  the right time. I have a strong spiritual base and I turned back to that. I started to trust  that when God was ready for me to meet someone then it would happen. I learned to understand that this time being single was to be cherished and enjoyed. I changed my mindset about being single. I would take myself on dates to the movies and dinner or spend time with friends and family and pursuing some of my dreams. See, when you are so focused on a relationship sometimes you can't see or focus on other stuff. I know I couldn't. I'd be so interested in the relationship I couldn't do anything else. I stopped always saying " when is it gonna be me?" when friends would marry, etc. It finally became so much fun to be single...believe it or not. 

  

I am now  40 and in a relatiosnhip with the greatest, god fearing man who I plan to marry next year. And I wasn't looking for him when he came. I didn't meet him in a bar or online. I met him in passing at a salon I used to work at and then about 10 months later we saw each other at a class, and it was history from there. My gosh I wish I could share the entire story with you because I believe it would be a great encouragment to you. But don't worry. Be patient. Change your thoughts about being single. Understand that when it is time...it will be time even if that time is 10 years from now. And really be ok with that. Enjoy this time being single. Pursue some of your passions...reading, writing, antiquing, etc. I will keep you in my prayers. 

It sounds like your putting out the effort, someone will come along as long as you're being yourself and not hiding. There is a Jack for every Jill.