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August 12, 2006, 8:18 am PDT
reply to lepshen
Quote From: lepshenHello everyone.
I am new to the message board.but I felt compelled to speak up.I am 40 this year so that means I have been fighting the memorie demans for 38 years now.thankfully to good pepole Like DR Phil. I am a verry happy woman.all the help in the world will never be able to make you forget.but with Dr Phil's kind of help.you can forgive and then you can begin to forgive your self hardest thing we have to do as survivers is to forgive our own selfs.then we can begin to LOVE ourselfs again.As abuse victims we did not do anything wrong so long as we survied.but we tend to blame ourself's for what we had no controll over.but we have controll over the future so everyday we need to tell ourselfs how much we matter in the world.Look forward to all the blessings comeing our way.and be very thankfull for all the blessings in our life now today.
Wishing everyone well.
Lepshen I am glad that Dr. Phil was able to help you. I do not believe that anyone can help my family. My son was sodomized an unknown number of times over a period of five years. The person who raped my son was a young man that was just 5 years older than my son. Cody, my son, was 5 when we met Derek, who was 10 at the time. Derek did not have a very good family life. His father was in prison and his mother just partied all the time. We took Derek to church with us, on vacations, and he spent every holiday with us. My husband even taught him how to hunt.He became a part of our family and we even spoke to his mom about adopting him. She was going to let us adopt him. We thought that we had another son. Derek even introduced us as his parents and Cody as his brother. Derek spent every weekend at our home for 5 years. We had no idea that he was raping our son the entire time. We prosecuted him, of course. The damage that he has done to ouer entire family will never go away. I even told God that I would never again open my heart or home to another child no matter how hungry or pitiful they were. Cody is 13 now and he has a really hard time dealing with this. My husband just pretends that it never happened. I hate myself each day because I am the one that brought this monster into our home. The worst part of all of this is that I know within my heart that Derek also molested my nephew. My husband and I were seperated during this time and my son and I were living with my sister and her family. Her son, Tyler, was a normal 2 year old. Then one day in 1998 he stopped talking. He hasn't spoken since. I know that Derek hurt him and that it traumatized Tyler to the point that he lost his speech. I have no proof of this, but I just know it is true. Every time that Tyler looks at me it breaks my heart. I hate myself for the pain that I have caused Cody and Tyler. When Iwas 21 I attempted suicide. There are times that I wish that I still had that option, but I do not. Now, I live for Cody and Tyler. Each day is spent trying to convince myself that my life is worth living. I simply exists because I have to. There is so much more to all of this and not enough time to tell it all. Anyway, I am happy for your happiness. Thank you for sharing it.
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