Quote From: ccmanuel6Hello all, I just thought this was quite the place to start writing. Why? I guess it really hit home with me and made me realize my own legacy. I grew up in a large family of 5 brothers and 4 sisters. My legacy of course begins with my mother who was raised by her grandmother. She is very caring but doesn't always show it. My mother was and still is a determined, strong woman. She always provided for her family. She worked as long as I can remember. She was determined to get her driver's license in her early forties and got it. She worked as a Community Health Representative for over 30 years and spent a great deal of her time away at workshops. Believe me she has been a great role model in regards to determination, strength and independance. All my sisters are the same and so can you imagine? So am I. I have two daughters of my own, and one step daughter.
I think what I am worried about is all that was provided for me, I am providing the same for my children.
I have either worked or attended school and finally achieved a Bachelor of Education, and this has been since my children were in pre-school. This is my first year to stay at home to be a mom and wife. My daughters are now 18 and 16 and I see the results of the legacy. Ouch, my daughter whom is 16 is a reflection I see of me when I was her age. She is struggling big time finding her place. I can remember doing that. I never had a relationship with my mom until about 8 years ago. I vowed that it would not be the same with my own daughters, however, what I learned from my mom even though I never knew I was learning these things from her, I am doing the same things to my own daughters. I want to keep the determination, strength, and independance, but I want to give my daughters more. I am working on communicating with them but find it difficult to deal with confrontations, and end up making like nothing happened and sweep it under the carpet; Now my youngest daughter does the same and we don't know what we can do to make changes to it. Can you give me some adivice? What is the next step? We acknowledged it but now how do we make the changes? HELP!
Hi there
I empathise with your problem and you are a very strong woman to want to give your daughters more than what you received from you own parents. I know that confrontations are difficult and they need to be addressed with the greatest of respect for your daughters feelings and her privacy. I feel that the only way to confront your daughter is to tell her how you are feeling ie if you are worried about her behaviour or worried that she may be drinking etc (just an example)... tell her exactly how you feel in a calm reassuring way ie. sweetheart I need you to know that i feel worried about you at the moment and am wondering if you wouldn't mind putting my mind at rest about a few things....and wait for her to say ok or I don't want to talk about it or whatever she says. And accept exactly what she says without probing her or forcing her to explain herself etc. Trust me if you leave her alone she will feel safe in coming to you with her concerns than if you confront her guns blazing and force her to speak when she is not ready. I would love to know how it goes and if you think what I have said is helpful.
God bless xx
