Replies to 'Teen Dating'

I can't say what I would do because I have 4 boys, but for as my friends who have daughters, their daughters are not allowed to date till they are 16.  I do remember my first date at 16 (he was 19 and my parents both knew him), my father had a shot gun sitting by the front door when he picked me up.  Anyway, I think if I was in your shoes, I would give it another year.

I have a 17 year old girl and 16 year old boy - 10 year old 2 and 1.  I agree that it is best to wait till 16 to date, and even then explain the benefits of GROUP dating.   MY daughter finds that it eases the pressure of finding things to talk about and do.  If you are thinking that double dating is "safer" you are wrong.   It all depends on your standards and the standards you are teaching your daughter.  My daughter is not perfect, but she knows that she is not looking for her mate at this point in her life.  So there is no reason to get serious about 1 guy.  She has seen the emotional effect this has on her friends.  I always told her, a date is a possible mate, so choose well!   

Hey! 

I'm going to be 16 next week. 

I've "dated" since I was 13, though my mom didn't consider it dating. 

Grade 9 was my first serious boyfriend, we were only aloud on the main level of the house because my parents didn't want me having sex and such. The odd time they'd leave us home alone, we'd kiss but no oral sex or anything, being raised and taught whats apporopriate and when and leanring to trust a person first, that's helped my dicissions. I can also tell my mom EVERYTHING. If I thought I was ready to have sex, I'd talk to my mom first because I know she knows way more about it then me. Try to be open with your daughter. Maybe let her go out with guys but not let them in her room alone for a little while, make sure they are mature about there relationship. My parents don't like me "cuddling" on the couch, they think its inappropriate. I think this is pretty dumb becuase atleast we arent upstairs..... 

and we dont cuddle in public. 

I am not going back out with my 1st serious boyfriend, we developed a really good friendship and even if we did break up I know wed be best friends. 

Good luck! 

Sara Diane 

 Your daughter will make mistakes, no matter how hard you try to protect her. That's how she'll learn.
Just do your best to be understanding of her and listen to her feelings/thoughts. Make sure you're someone she can talk to about anything, and that will keep you updated on what she's up to.
But, don't judge her if she makes a mistake, help her out in a supporting, loving manner.
Hey, we were all kids once! Well, I still am but oh well haha.

When I was a teenager my boyfriends parents were always around. We were in the band and they were at every competition. We had lots of friends and when we looked for places to hang out they would always offer to order pizza at their house. When we got a little bit older they bought a used pool table and always had cold drinks. Even better, they were usually around. They always suggested things for us to do (one of them would offer to drive us to the video store to rent a video, or they would offer to take us all to the lake etc) When I was a kid I just thought they were "cool"....but as I got older I realised that they were enticing us to include them in what we did. I'm 28 now and I and their son have gone our seperate ways, but whenever I visit my parents, I visit his too. I'm thankful that they had the insight to do that.

 

That was a stark contrast to my parents. My parents believed that their home should always be a place of calm and serenity. Friends shouldn't be invited over. You could NEVER have a mess. And conversations about life never happened. We ate dinner together, but we never brought up any topics that were difficult to talk about. To this day I don't tell my parents who I'm dating or what we do unless it's pertinant. My brother and I always joke that the first time our parents meet our wives/husbands is probably going to be our wedding day.

 

Point is....it's a fine line to walk, but make your daughter and her friends feel safe and welcomed in your home.  Tell her things that you like about the guys she chooses. (Like - tell her that you thought he was very nice and polite...or that your really impressed that he gets good grades...or that he's got great tastes in movies) that will make her want your approval and it will also make her feel ok about coming to you talking about what she likes as well. As for not smothering her...open a conversation with something easy for her to answer (like - what's her boyfriend's favorite subject or something else that is rather impertinant) and let her take the lead. Girls talk and if you just give her the opportunity then she will talk to you. And let her decide when the conversation is over too. Tell her about your boyfriends. Tell her the things that you like and admire in her father/ your husband. Just don't tell her all at once.

 

You do, however, need to have certain information from her...like...what his phone number is, what his parent's number is. Where they are going, who else will be there etc. She'll hate that....but...she's less likely to get in trouble if she feels like everyone is checking up on her.

 

There is, also, NO WAY she can date without you telling her your views on boundries. If you avoid this conversation then guaranteed she won't know what is right or wrong.

 

The best way to open the door for safe dating.....your daughter is 15 so she can't drive. Offer to drive them. You'll get to overhear what they are doing, what they are talking about and you'll know where everyone lives.

 

Good luck to you and your daughter.