Replies to 'Dealing with the Added Stress'

You are definetly young with a lot on you right now. I understand where you are coming from when it comes to your marriage, I had many people against my husband and I getting married but we loved and respected each other and we did it any way and 12 in a half years later we are still in love with two beautiful little girls and people have come to accept and realize that we are in this for life and there is not a thing they can do about it, They have a choice, they can be our supporters and get behind us and have a good relationship with us, or they can have their little attitude parties, it is absolutely up to them., but the attitudes do not enter my home. I am sure that you love your husband and this is why you married, you need to stand up to your family and let them know that you will not tolerate the fightin and all with your husabnd that he is your husband and that you stand by him 100 % and they can decide to not accept it but it is your marriage and they need to get a grip on life, yes, easier said then done, but you are his wife and you need to take care of you, him and your children. You also need to let him as well as the rest of them know how it makes you feel when they fight and all and they all need to make a choice to get along or to stay away from each other. You can't change any of them but you can change yourself and the first thing is to not tolerate the fighting and stand up for what you believe. You also have children to think about and they definetly do not need to see this crap, take control by letting your feelings be known and set the boundaries, you can't make any one like each other but you can set the rules. I would suggest keeping hubby and family apart as much as possible but in my opinion, if you have to take aside, you and hubby are a family with children to take care of, don't be manipulated but stand up for your marriage if you want it.

I feel for you!!  It is tough being a young mother, especially with the added stress of family conflict!  My husband and I were married at 21.  We have an almost 5 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old.  I just turned 25.  The babies are 11 months apart to the day.  Right after we got married (we were staying with my parents) my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage.  My dad moved out, and we have little contact with him (my choice as well as my husband's.....he can't stand my dad.)  We have a great relationship with my mom (we've been in our own home for almost 4 years now).  My extended family is a different story.  My husband's upbringing was very different than mine, and he just doesn't like the way my family seems to act, in his point of view.  He thinks they are all fake, and I agree somewhat, but I still love them and want to do things, and he just doesn't normally go.  One of my cousins, who is one of my best friends, won't come over with her husband anymore because they don't agree with our parenting style.  They don't have any children of their own yet.  That is painful, but if that is their decision, so be it.  You know what is best for your children.  Just try to take it 1 day at a time, and don't stress yourself.  It's not good for your daughter or the baby you're carrying.  It does get easier, and things will work out.  Your family and husband should not put you in the middle of the issues they have.  If you love him and want to be with him, it is your choice to make and if they can't respect and accept your decision, it is their problem.  (as long as he treats you and your kids good!!)  Good luck and hang in there!!