Replies to 'My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!'

It depends on how good of a friend this friend is.  If it is a relationship that can stand some distance, then may that's the right thing.  But if this is good friend, I'd be sitting down one-on-one with a serious, but gentle/caring conversation.

 

But if it so happens that my friend and his/her children are in MY home and the abuse is being perpetrated on my children, I would have ZERO problem with instituting some justice, or asking the parent to step or asking them to leave.

 

Hitting, biting, kicking, throwing are WRONG.  It's just that simple.

 

I firmly believe that children need limits and NEED to be SOCIALIZED otherwise guess what we get, when they grow up?  Anti-social/abusers.

 

No, it would not be wrong to end the relationship if she simply doesn't get it.

 

Q

Except, it is with my brother and sister-in-law.  My nephew is 5 and can do NO wrong.  If I take my 2 boys to their house just to visit, my nephew always ends up injuring one of them...They try to defend themselves and my brother tries to discipline my children...They will tell their uncle that his son was hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing things at them and he all but calls them liars.  This is especially true with my oldest son who is 8...He hates going over there now because he always knows he is going to get in trouble with his uncle or his cousin is going to do these things to him without him being able to do anything to defend himself.  I have now stopped visiting my brother because of this...I don't know how to make them see that their son is not PERFECT...(As no child is).  Now, however, my bro and sil keep calling wanting to know when their son can stay the night at my house....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN....My children do not act that way in my house...No one else's will either....I don't know what else to do....

My child is one of the least aggressive children in the playgroup. We have been in this playgroup since she was 6 months old. I have had to deal with her crying when other kids pushed, snatched, grabbed, etc toys away from her. I have not had a problem with other children, but usually pick up my child and remove her from the offence etc.

The one time my child shoved another child, all hell broke loose and i had one of the other parents telling my child in a loud offensive manner that that behaviour was unacceptable. My child is only 3 1/2. I removed her from the offensive scene again, but am incensed that adults can use the opportunity to discipline other peoples kids instead of understanding that kids will be kids and to get into the fray is just stupid.

The only corrective action I have used todate is to remind an offending child (including my own) that 'we dont kick or hit'

And I do so in an even, non-accusatory tone.

I will sometimes draw the attention of the parent to the situation and leave each child's discipling up to their own parent.

I dont feel like being around this playgroup any more.