Replies to '06/05 Big Spenders and Cheapskates'

"I really get so very tired of the crying and whining of people, when they allow misfortune to be in their life--then act so suprised when life is upsetting."

I think it is important to understand the larger social factors in society that are causing this woman to spend so much money.

First of all, this is not an "individual problem" which Dr. Phil has made it out to be. "Consumer debt statistics in the United States show that sixty percent of American families actually spend more than their after-tax income." Does this mean that 60% of Americans are "stealing" (as Dr. Phil put it) from credit card companies and store employees? No. This means a large portion of Americans are struggling to hold on the standard of living that they are "supposed to enjoy" in this capitalist society which emphasizes mass consumption in every means possible, and all at the same time wages are being driven down in our economy. If you recall, Carlena spoke of how her childhood was not as prosperous as others. This was a direct result of her mother's outcome in life. Does this mean her mother didn't work hard and wanted to be unfortunate? I'm sure like any other parent, she wanted the best for her child but wasn't able to give it to her - a situation seen all too often in America.  This effected  Carlena's outlook on life and on herself. She wanted to have all the things she never did and wanted to be, for once, "in the in".

Dr. Phil's insistence that she has to work hard to make more money is also problematic. This is so because the social class one is born into determines a lot about your possible outcomes in life. An abundance of social research shows that people born into poverty, are more likely than not to remain in poverty. She mentioned she was working for a temp agency, which likely pays minimum wage. I'm sure she would rather be working elsewhere, but possibly doesn't have the social contacts. Or maybe, that she is being discriminated against (which is a big problem in the US) because she is an african-american and a woman. Gender  and racial discrimination are realities in our society. White, upper-class males are still the biggest money-earners today in America. So you see, no matter how hard she works in her life, social forces will still be acting against her. The average wage/salary for a female is only 3/4 that of her male counterpart. It is also important to note that union density is at the lowest level its been at since the 1930s (10%). People just aren't getting paid as much as they used and the gap between working class and upper class people is steadily on the rise.

Once again, this is a social problem which requires a much larger and more complex solution. As such, analyzing these problems at an individual level is somewhat pointless.

I don't know if you have seen this show yet now.  But that was not the situation.  At the end of the show her mom was on satalite in her front yard, with this girls stuff in it, being ready to got get put in a storage unit, and giving her 30 days to get a job and move out.  The mom did admitt that she didn't help any by giving her money, but she told Dr Phil she was done with it. 

I was proud of the mom, and this girl needs to realize she is a grown up now and not a teenager anymore, thisn't High School, this REAL LIFE!!

I feel kind of that way. I think that if I'm willing to accept something,then I don't have the right to complain about it. For example, I have been married for 33 years. I have a good dependable husband. He has always worked and supported me and the kids. He is not abusive or controlling. He is loving and kind. For the first 20 years I asked him to do things around the house.Like paint, mow the grass, repair stuff. He does not like to do these things. So I decided that I want to grow old with him, and at the 20 year mark, I stopped asking him to do things that I know he doesn't want to do. When I used to ask him,and I always asked nicely,we've never argued about it, he would say nothing and do nothing. After 20 years I felt like I was nagging him to no avail. And it always made me tense and nervous, knowing I was going to ask and he wasn't going to do it.So I changed my way of thinking. I do the yardwork, painting , what repairs I can.(You'd be surprised what you can do when you set your mind to it) I am happier this way. I am happy wih my decision. He is a very good provider and has always worked a lot and sometimes works late hours. I have actually come to enjoy yardwork, mulching,painting etc... And also I don't work outside the home so my time is my own. What I'm saying is, what is the point of complaining all the time. My husband has an aunt and we love her dearly. She and her husband have been married about 60 years. She is still complaining about him not doing anything around the house. He owns his own business has for years, and still works at the age of 79. I think it's human nature to complain about things,but it's not the way I live my life. In any given situation I can take lemons and make lemonade. Some would say that I'm "enabling" my husband to be the way he is. But I don't see it that way. I can't stand arguing and fighting over things that are never going to change. And let's face it, I'm certainly not perfect. And he loves me the way I am. I think if you can't change something, then either accept it and live with it or really do something about it and move on. One thing about me is I came from a family where the father did the "men's" work and the mother did the "women's work". So it was confusing to me that my husband was not into "men's" work. For example,growing up, my dad or my brothers always mowed the yard and did outside work. My mother and I cleaned house, made beds, washed dishes.etc... I never saw my dad wash a dish. So anyway, I have come to know that men can wash dishes and cook(My husband is a great cook on occasion) And that women can mow yards and paint. Actually, my dad didn't think women could actually DO these things. I know one time, my sister and I installed a room air conditioner for my parents. They were both sick at the time, so daddy just had to sit and watch us do it. I told my sister it was probably making him nervous watching us 2 women who didn't know anything about "men's" work. But we did it and it turned out fine.