Replies to 'A very sad story'

This guy doesn't seem to be wholly commited to you. You deserve better. I have been through just about everything there is to go through with the man I love. And Trust me, plenty of people have told me to leave him, plenty of times.  So I understand if you decide not to. What you have to do is take a long hard look at what you want for yourself and your kids. Here is what I did.

 

Make a list of all of the things about this guy that are wonderful. All of the things that you love about him. It can be as simple as the way he makes you laugh. That you both like the same foods. Whatever it is, put it on paper. Then make a list of everything that drives you nuts about him. Remember this is a serious look. The only person you are cheating will be yourself if you are not honest. Be sure to include the fact that he is keeping you a secret, and how he is clearly interested in seeking relationships with other women. Then compare the two lists. This might help you in and of itself to decide weather to stay or go. The next step is to take a look at weather you want your children to be exposed to this person any longer. This is not all about just you any more. Your kids are involved. It is your job to make sure that they are safe and protected from bad influences as best you can. So break down your list and made two more lists including the good and bad things that affect your kids in all of this.

 

It is realistic to think that your kids are acting out because they have good reason not to like the relationship you are in. I don't know how he treats them. But you could take a look at exactly how they are treated, both directly and indirectly by him. It is very likely that you have been blinding yourself to    what they have been going through, and that they have been acting out because of this. It is also very possible that they just have issues with him treating you so poorly. Kids love their moms very much. And they see more than you would like to know. They can hear it in your voice when you are hurting, depressed, and angery. And they are aware of what it is that is causing you to feel this way. They are probably hurting and angery as well over some of the same things.

 

I went through the steps that I am suggesting to you. I ultimately ended up staying with the man I love, but made some serious changes in our relationship. I no longer would subject my kids to his negativity and bad behavior. When he would start behaving badly, I would pack them up and go home. My man has problems with chemical dependency, and I would never allow him around them if he was under the influence in any way. Now this seems obvious to have done all along, but for the first 4 years of our relationship I didn't think that way. I thought that my oldest son was not being affected by all of the things that were tearing me apart. But he was.  And When my youngest son was born, I made the lists, and made significant changes to my life. Now we all live together, happy, healthy, and chemical free. But he wanted to be with only me, and I with only him. Two things that were a huge deciding factor for me.

 

The choice is yours. I am not telling you to leave him per say. I am telling you that it is ok if you decide to leave him, and it is ok if you decide to stay. But you need to take a searching and fearless look at how healthy the relationship is the way it is, and weather that is really what you want for you or your kids.

 I was gone for a few weeks I went to a program to get off the pot so I could get a job in my profession and now I'm clean, of cours he spent about a 1000.00 or more on drugs while I was gone our kids are grown and  and do not even respect him any more,I have no reason to stay I just need a place to stay untill I get a job and a car. I found out yesterday he got all but  three hundred he gave me of out tax money  1765.00 dollars lies lies and more I told him it is time for him to be responsable for his actions to be honest about every thing cz He knows now I'am done and owe him nothing I can work and will not be treated less than I deserve any more..