Replies to '08/27 Bully Dads'

I don't believe that this dind of aggressive behaviors should be tolerated period.  I hope that through the years your children have seen and picked up you & your stepping in and have seen that their fathers behavior is *wrong*.  IMO Behaviors are taught as much & if not more than they are inherited.  If they're seeing their father ranting & verbally abusing people including them then that's what they're learning in terms of behavior.  You're able to see that his bullying is something that came from his mother's abuse & this *will* continue in your kids.  If there are times when your husband is rational in thought & you're able to talk to him then try explaining & appealing to the side of him that experienced the abuse as a child & tell him you want to get help.  Unless he'd be willing to get help I personally would leave there.  I do not really believe in divorce &/or certainly not as fast as marriages are thrown away today.  I always knew however, that being afraid in my own home was something I just could not live with & would be the 1 thing that would drive me out but fast.  I had girlfriends who would be tip toing around the house so as not to "make their dad mad" & they were always terrified to set them off.  There was no such fear when I went home & my parents were old school!   If I talked back or was rude etc. I might have got slapped or yelled at but the idea of a mistake or too much noise wouldn't have set off mom or dad so that they were seen as some mosters.  I just remember all those friends literally hiding in their rooms & such & there was none of that at home.  HOme should be your haven from the world not the battle grounds.

This is a no brainer here.  Who cares about his childhood?  What is it in you that would make you stay with someone who is abusive to you and your children? 

Men like this make me sick, but the mothers who stay make me even more sick.  I cannot imagine even tolerating this for a day, much less 23 years.  Stop looking at him and take a good look at yourself.  You are the abuser here too - any women who stands by it and watches should be held as accountable as the father.