Replies to '08/27 Bully Dads'

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLACE LIKE THEY HAVE.I KNOW I HAVE AND SOMETIMES ITS NOT AS EASY TO GET OUT AS YOU THINK.IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO GET OUT AND THEN I WAS SCARED FOR MY LIFE AND MY CHILD.HE CAME AFTER US.SO BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT WHY SHE WOULD'NT LEAVE GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT FIRST,

 

 

                                                              CUDDLES05

You have got to be kidding me......................

 

"What is the point in trying to heal a family like this?"

 

The point is every person matters...............................every life is worth it...........................

The children are going to grow up to be parents, spouses. ect....................

 

Its always worth it to try andbreak bad, unhealthy  patterns....................

 

Dr. Philis supposed to stop focussing on problem families because it makes you uncomfortable and its depressing for you.................

 

Iam a very positive person almost always..............but you need to change the chanel if you are not liking the focus of his program.   Did it ever occur to you that Dr. Phil is trying to HELP these people and save lives..................lives of this family and the lives of people these children cross paths with later in life.  They could stay angry and hurt others as well..........

Numerous abused spouses and children around America have access to watching Dr. Phil.  I know that with the A&E show intervention, numerous addicts have checked themselves into programs because they can see themselves depicted on these kind of shows. The show often breaks through the daily denial if the abused people can see that they are not alone...hence the use of videotape.  Also  Dr. Phil  needed the proof of the video tape before he could act upon removing the children from the home, if necessary.

 

I do not necessarily see their situation as hopeless.  Both parties are open to therapy.  Granted, it will take time for the husband to get past his "buts..." however, I do think it is possible.  Since he had a good upbringing, his anger may also be because of chemical imbalance and drug therapy might also assist him with a more even tempered existence.

 

 

I have to agree, unfortunately - that this "family" really seems beyond the point of return.  The stepdad needs to be kicked to the curb.  Get him out of the picture immediately.  I believe the children should be placed with either a relative of hers, if possible, or foster care if necessary.  Get her parenting/self-esteem classes- and pray.  These kids are already so scarred- I can't imagine how this poor son is going to turn out.  His mom is a doormat.  That's all they've seen/known.  The best case scenario is to hope a grandparent or other foster home can get them away from this abuse and get them the therapy they're going to need.  If they're told mom is sick and made poor choices- it might help resolve some of it in their mind.

I can't get over how immature the step dad is.  Heaven help those kids.

 i think it's important to have shows like this, whether people get "depressed" by it or not. imagine all the families at home that are in this situation, who watched the show. it's like free therapy at home! some woman somewhere is in the same situation, doesn't know where to turn- saw today's show and is now probably getting help because -thanks to the show- realizes that this type of behavior is wrong. Dr. Phil is a therapist, not a talk show host. therapists help people, no matter what the situation may be. i don't want to offend anybody, but thats why they invented cable and remote controls.

I was married to a bully and I got out when my children were still babies.  The problem is that he is still their father...  So, now what, I ask ? 

My kids are now 19 and 16, respectfully, and now THEY are being bullied (though I left and he was near-absent for much of their younger years, but I believe (now) that he was contented during those years because he saw I was struggling.  Now that I am not, it's 'game on') and I through them.  I suspect he knows he can always get to me through them; that I'll always step in to protect them, which is part of the problem.

I honestly don't know what to do.

My kids are old enough, as I've told them, to decide for themselves what kind of relationship (if any at all) they want to have with their father.  They want a relationship with him.  He's their dad.  He's fine one minute and the next he's stark raving mad.  He sets them up to fail, demeans them, bullies them, physically intimidates them, threatens to move and never see them again, take away (or destroy) the things he's bought them off with (all of the above mostly when *they* don't live up to *his* expectations of them, which is generally, as he sees it, attributed to my influence and "bad parenting", which must then be punished - and punish me he does.  This man literally frightens the hell out of me!)... 

There's all kinds of information out there on how to deal with bullies at school, at work, or in your own home with whom you have a relationship.  I cannot for the life of me find anything that relates to my situation, however.  How do I keep him from being such a negative influence on my children's lives?  How do I teach them to deal with their dad without myself becoming a negative influence on them because I've made myself a target and they witness how he treats me (I don't want them to think it's acceptable, or how women should be treated), which acts to undermine my parental authority and the respect they have for me?  How do I deal with him myself when I fear him and want nothing to do with him, but HAVE to step in on the front lines to protect my kids?

These are not rhetorical questions...  I'm for a loss, though a relatively bright and courageous woman.  He makes responsible and effective parenting a challenge beyond all belief.

I would not wait around until the "father" healed which could take ten years. His children may never heal. And that other poster that freaked out on you about getting your facts straight - LOL - I don't think that person had the facts straight. You were talking about the t.v. family - the topic of this board - I don't know who that person was referring to but he/she should get their facts straight,LOL!

 

I watched this show and while I totally agree with Dr. Phil on the step-father's actions.....I think the mother got off way too easy!   It takes two to tango.   Her attitude was so one-track....she said, "So what if he gave you the finger!" and "I don't care if he doesn't do his homework!"   I got a real sense of a woman who never disciplined her children and made them the way they are....extremely difficult to live with on a daily basis!!    She expects the "man of the hour" to do the discipline...and then objects to everything he does.   On a daily basis, this can lead to HUGE frustration on the part of the step-parent.   Parents should work as a team, form a plan of disciplinary action and back each other up consistently.   That's the way my parents did it and it was very effective.   Children's attittudes and actions can be very powerful in the big picture and the parents need to work as an adult team and support each other and not put it all onto one parent.