As I read the posts from the two of you, I'm sitting here munching a brown rice cracker with cucumber slices on it, and have a glass of water next to me.
Firstly, with breastcancer society does everything possible to convince you that you can hide it and it never happened. The wigs hide the effects of chemo (Oh no they dont!), and the prostheses hid the loss of a breast, or two...but in reality, one is very ill, and only the steroids in the chemo (if one accepts them) keep people with bc from going nuts with nauses and dehydration (ask me I rejected the steroids--I know!). The truth is when we looked at ourselves in the mirrors in the privacy of our homes, we realized we didn't even recognize who was in the reflection. Someone with a mutilation on the chest, minimally, and no hair! Oh, yes, that was necessary, but its so easy to bury one's feelings in the "great wigs out today," and "now I have the bust size I always wanted..." NOT.
When we are assaulted, directly, or indirectly, its so easy to internalize it, and get on with life, or so we think. But, its far better to be strong and call the shots as we see, or feel them, so we don't use food, or other "comforts" to quell our internal pain. It may mean losing "friends" but they weren't friends to begin with and if it means going into marriage counseling, then it will help everyone in the family. Either way, laying down means someone who is "blind" is going to step on us, so do not lie down. We each have a place in this world, and a right to speak, regardless of where we are...even in another's home if we're being abused. Once we refuse to take insults, pain, changes, and fight back with a force equal to the blow, things for oneself will become easier, like spitting out food not good for us. Its the same thing...we try to keep on smiling, and swallow the swill, instead of spitting it out. Think about that. You may shock some people but they'll be around, and if they aren't or don't change, it really is their problem. Let them work on themselves, while you work on yourself.
