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Replies to '10/06 "Stand Up for Yourself!"'

 
jmschoen
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quiet
October 5, 2005, 9:59 am PDT

kazia_1612

Quote From: kazia_1612

I found the courage two years ago to leave my controlling and abusive husband, it took me twenty eight year to do this, l knew l would one day and l'm sad because l lost myself, l don't know who l really am or what l like , l wish l found the courage a long time ago, l stayed in this relationship not knowing any better thinking this was the "norm". Once all of my five children had started school l wanted to do something more so l became an Avon Rep, and did this saying to help with the money problems we always had, it opened my eyes to how others lived and the freedom they had, thats when l started to saved a little at a time, it took six years but l saved enough to take my yougest children with me, my adult children had already moved away. l left with the money l saved and got my own place" rented of course "l have a part time job which helps me pay all my bills and look after my children. I just wish l found this courage a long time ago because it is hard to start a new life at he age of fifty three, but l know l will get there. Do not wait as long as l did l gave my youth and what is suppose to be the best time in life to a man who didn't care if l lived or died. Lost.
I've related to your story.   I've too ended a 20 year relationship.  I stayed in the relationship thinking that I was being over reactive to many of the situations.  I knew that it wasn't normal - and so did my children.  I wanted and believed that my relationship with my  ex-husband would change...he would see how we we're hurting.  I didn't want my children to come from a broken home.   But I decided that the only thing I was doing for sure, was teaching my children how to take abuse.  That's when things started to change for me.  I was so emotionally unhappy - I wasn't there for my kids any more than my ex-husband,  who was totally un-plugged from all of us.  They needed to have one emotionally happy, healthy parent.  Even it it meant there would only be one.  I decided that my children would "unlearn" everything unhealthy that they had witnessed.  I would be the one that would set the tone of what a normal healthy, happy house would be - and what a healthy, happy parent should be like.  It's been a hard road - we still have moments that need to be addressed.  We still have times that we have to realize that how we are reacting to a situation is because of our past family history.  We still have intellect issues, esteem issues and issues of being abandoned emotionally and physically from someone that we trusted to nurture us.  I'm happy that I can teach my children, by example,  how  a loving, nurturing, supportive and unconditional relationship with a parent/child/spouse/partner  should be. 
 
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breezee
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Peaceful

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quiet
October 5, 2005, 6:40 pm PDT

10/06 "Stand Up for Yourself!"

Quote From: kazia_1612

I found the courage two years ago to leave my controlling and abusive husband, it took me twenty eight year to do this, l knew l would one day and l'm sad because l lost myself, l don't know who l really am or what l like , l wish l found the courage a long time ago, l stayed in this relationship not knowing any better thinking this was the "norm". Once all of my five children had started school l wanted to do something more so l became an Avon Rep, and did this saying to help with the money problems we always had, it opened my eyes to how others lived and the freedom they had, thats when l started to saved a little at a time, it took six years but l saved enough to take my yougest children with me, my adult children had already moved away. l left with the money l saved and got my own place" rented of course "l have a part time job which helps me pay all my bills and look after my children. I just wish l found this courage a long time ago because it is hard to start a new life at he age of fifty three, but l know l will get there. Do not wait as long as l did l gave my youth and what is suppose to be the best time in life to a man who didn't care if l lived or died. Lost.

Yes, I too found the courage a little over 2 years ago to leave my controlling, abusive husband.   At the time, it felt like the hardest thing I'd ever done.  In hindsight, because I did not deal with what was happening to us then, I see now that the healing process is even more challenging than getting the courage to leave.  So on my worst days, I try to look back at where I was and how far I've come.   

  

I am 47 and very much understand how hard it is to start your life over again.  You are right, we did give our love and lives over to men who did not care or even remotely love us BUT somehow we overcame that and escaped, didn't we!  Since I've read and heard so many stories of women who are still living with their abusers, this makes me realize I am much stronger than I give myself credit for.   

  

I am very proud of you, myself and all the others who are in the process of starting over, healing and learning to love ourselves again. 
 
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