Replies to '12/25 Parent Trap'

As an ardent feminist I have become increasingly frustrated over the years w/the lack of frank discussion at the fact that some women DO in fact contribute horribly to the various outcomes for children conceived and later involved in either custody or paternity cases. Women who either fraudulently ID men as fathers or intentionally get pregnant and then use children as pawns for more money or revenge MUST suffer consequences in order to at least begin reducing the tragedies.

 

The family court systems are antiquated and continue to favor women... YES -ultimately we must have more concern for the kids BUT let's start leveling the playing field for men so that these issues stop setting the stage for kids to have screwed up futures.

I agree, he should not have to pay if he is not the biological father.  Money doesn't come before love and caring.  But why should he have to pay if he is lied to.  Unfair.  That mother should return the money.  And that child should love that man - after all he supported her all this time.  Where does respect come into play.  If I was her, I would be angry with her mother.  that is where the blame should lay.  Money does not come easy these days, and he is paying unfairly.

 

From a Mother and grandmother who would never have thought of doing anything like this.  Her mother hurt her not him.

I agree wholeheartedly with you on that topic.

If the woman during her marriage, has been unfaithful, and as a result of that she had a child, she has the moral obligation to share this information with her husband, regardless of her feelings or lack thereof for her husband at this point. Face it, if she was in love with her husband she probably wouldn't have cheated on him. I see women all over that think it's ok to cheat as long as they don't get caught.... I personally don't know how they can live with themselves, knowing that they're not only putting themselve in sexual danger of any STDs out there, but also their husbands, who hopefully care for the family materially.

If the woman knowingly declares her husband as the father of the child, although she is almost 100% certain that he is not, there should be legal ramifications for that. If the husband raised this child as his own for several years, there are emotional, relationships, love, trust formed between the child and him and this should continue no matter what. The child CANNOT be put in the middle of a dispute between 2 adults. The child didn't ask to be born into this situation. The child can't be held responsible for the lack of responsibility of an adult.

As far as the DNA test and the law is considered, there should be the possibility for the husband to be released from direct financial responsibility toward the mother of the child, but he will still be responsible for the DAD figure for the child, that should never change. There should be a stipulation that from the time of discovery there should be 2 years that the paternity suit should be filed. This would give all parties concerned ample time to discuss and think about their goals and all possible outcomes.

I'd suggest that the mother should seek financial support from the real biological father, if she still rembers him, and if not, oh well.

The (ex)husband should not be held financially responsible, although I think it would be a good deed for him if he were to establish a trustfund for the child and until the dispute is clarified, the child support per se should go into this trustfund (could be used later on as college money if he and the child decide to do so).

The (ex)husband needs to continue his relationship with his child, because he's the only Dad this child ever met and associated with.  Her refusal to be adopted by her mother's new husband shows me that there are deep seated trust issues and fear that this child is dealing with towards men. No child should EVER have to deal with this. WE as adults are responsible for the well-being of our children - well-being means all around, financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. If we can't vow this to our children, we ought to not have any.

I APPLAUD FOR WHAT YOU SAID!!!! THAT IS MY EXACT FEELING TOO!! MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING!!!

I am a woman and but I have to defend that father in some areas.  First, I will say that the only blame I would place on him is how he chose to tell the child.  After all, she is a child, but I can understand that he allowed the bitterness toward his ex to get the better of him and consequently, he never thought about the child's feelings and the devastation it would have on her.

 

The ex wife was very deceitful.  She would never expect her husband to say, "I'm happy we are pregnant, but by the way is it mine"?  I believe that because the child has a bond with this man as her father, he should still be allowed to have that relationship if and when the child feels comfortable, but he should not be bound by any law to continue paying when DNA proved that this was not his child, he was deceived and he did not formally agree to being the child's father even he found out that she was not his.  The woman should be made to reimburse him every penny for her deception.  It's no better than someone cheating another person out of their property.  If the father knew this child was not his and still agreed to participate in this child's life as if she was his own, then he is totally obligated to continue with child support etc. 

 

Gloria Allred is just like a BULL DOG.  She should shut up.  She wants to blame this man, what about the biological father.  No one though about the emotional stress it might have had on this man when he found out that this child he believed was his turned out to be someone else's, and that his wife  was cheating on him.  That's why he made such a irrational decision to tell the child.  That's the only thing I disagree with him in his behavior.  Why isn't the biological father contacted to take financial responsibility for his daughter, or maybe the woman is not certain who the daddy really is?  Suppose later there is a rear condition and the biological father is the only person who could help?

 

It's women like those why descent women like me are not able to find great men.

First - Gloria Allred is ridiculous!  I've never seen her make such a fool of herself! However, would probably want her on my side if I needed an attorney.  

The solution is simple.  Yes...the mother lied & started the whole problem.  The dad should not be required by law to provide child support for a child that isn't biologically his & the mother should try to locate the real dad & have him pay.  However, another avenue would be for the victimized dad in this case to pay to a trust fund or college fund or something, so that the money actually goes to the child & not the mother.  The dad should obviously continue taking care of the child emotionally, regardless of what the money situation is.  If the court still holds him responsible, then he fights w/ them, not take it out on the child.  The child should be completely unaware that there are money issues even being discussed.  It has no relevance (or shouldn't) to the child/father relationship.  This is really a no-brainer - even too simple to be on the Dr. Phil show (although I think he handled it well).  Didn't catch that guy's name that got the bill passed in GA but hip hip hurray for him!  He was the star of the show & the only one that made any real sense.  I'm a mother & can't fathom doing what that mother did - Crazy!  It all comes out in the wash.

And I hope you are someone special in a child life.

Thanks from a single parent whose ex chose not to be involved.

He has a girlfriend and HER kids

I agree that we are much more than a cash cow for deceptive women. If we make a mistake and marry such a woman and take on the responsibilty of her children, no matter who she had as the father for each of them, it is our own fault and need to be the responsible person. However, if by trickery the man is caused to be responsible for a child that is not his then the cash drain needs to be stopped BUT if the bonding with the child has any merit he should continue to be emotionally responsible.

 

Even though I have no blood related grandchildren, I still have 12 grandchildren and 2 great grandchilden, that are mine in an emotional way as well as several more that claim me as their Pap, Poppy or grandpa.

 

For some of the children and grandchildren, I am the only father image they have or will have. This I don't mind as is a gift from God but the deception is very hard to forgive. Praise the Lord that he has forgiven a deceptive wife.

 i agreee that he should not have to pay child support if child is not his. that should be his decision if he wants to contribute financially to her mother. the BIOLOGICAL father is responsible for the expenses.WHERE IS HE AT????  I think the 'step-dad' role is very important in this situation as he has been only dad she had known for 9 yrs. he WAS wrong in cutting her out of his life for all that time but he seems to have realized his errors. I hope they can get to a good place in their relationship and work on rebuilding some fo that bond even though will not be same as before.

 

I find fault with the mother for keeping this secret from everyone involved. She is person that holds the biggest of the blame. How can anyone do that to their own child??/

 

 

i know someone that has been paying support on child for 16 yrs and in back of their mind not sure if his son or not but to this day has not tried to find out. he feels that no matter what he is his son and will not do anything to break that bond.

 

I WISH THE BEST TO ALL OF THIS FAMILY.

I am married to a man who was the bio dad of a married woman (she was separated and living in an apartment at the time) who later divorced him and asked him to step forward and take a dna test.  When all was said and done my now husband had to pay the former husband and her current child support.  The bottom line it's more importantly about the child'semotional health.  But secondly - if a bio mother has caused a man to pay child support (as though he had physically caused this child's birth) - in MY opinion SHE should pay the back child support to the non-responsible party.  And thebio dad should pay ongoing child support for his new found child.  I also think this problem is becoming more common and dna tests should be taken before fathers sign the birh certifiate or are listed on the birth cert as dad.

The man who thought he was the bio dad should have the heart to continue some kind of relationship with the daughter.  Added parents to the mixing pot (new wives or husbands) should encourage to the adults to do the right thing by the child - thechild has the right to know her bio family and the bio dad should finish out the financial responsibility to the child.