Replies to '12/25 Parent Trap'

Quote From: tweaked

The fact that a "father" ends of paying for a child who is not his biological offspring should not become incumbant upon the child's welfare.

First, if any couple is separated for ANY length of time, when a child is conceived within the next year, BOTH parents should be in favor of DNA testing so that future problems like this do NOT happen.

IF a child turns out not to belong to the husband, then he and the wife should decide prior to the birth if he's going to stay and actually BE a father, or not... IF he doesn't want to assume the roll of fatherhood, this must be a decision spelled out in legal documents prior to the birth of the child, whether he stays or goes.

Personally I can't imagine ANY man staying in a relationship wherein he knows he's not the father of a child, and making the child suffer for the father's failure to learn, and the mother's failure to have DNA testing done for herself.

Relationships are SUPPOSED to be based on honesty!

Having said that, I can't imagine a father staying in a relationship with a woman who is carrying another man's child without wanting to assume responsibility for that child, unless the real biological father is willing to step forward and assume rsponsibility, which (let's face it) most are too cowardly to do.

IF the biological father is upstanding, and wishes to pay support, and even to play a roll in the child's future, then the husband should be man enough to accept a 3rd person tied to the family, and be grateful enough for the additional income to be civil about the entire matter.

But in THIS instance - to learn after a time he's NOT the father, and then sever ties with the child - it's totally unfair to the child.

A child is so fragile. I can't blame this child for being slow to want this man back in her life. How can she know he won't always throw this in her face when she doesn't obey everythng he wants her to do, for the rest of her life?

She can't... And most men are too immature to NOT throw this in her face, for years to come.

Three wrongs will never make a right, or fill the void that this immature father's previous actions created in the life of that innocent child. She is probably better off without him, and he is probably too immature to not use her biological DNA against her at a later point in time.

If she decides to accept him again, she must do it realizing he is flawed, and may never live up to her expectations.

He, on the other hand, must come to grips with the situation, and love her enough to never throw this in her face, no matter how frustrated he may become with her in the future.

Personally, if she allows him back in her life, I think he's lucky. And it shows that as a child she's a lot more mature than he was, when he took his spite against her mother out on her.

All the more reason for using protection during separations, and to ALWAYS have DNA testing when a pregnancy occurs shortly thereafter. Had this been the way these two adults handled this matter, the child would never have had to be subjected to this dysfunctional family problem.