Replies to 'Arguing Over Money'

I have been an RN for 11 yrs.  Money has always been a problem in my 17 yr. marriage. There has never been enough!  Our biggest problems began when my husband quit working about 5 yrs ago. He became disabled and receives monthly benefits for this (diagnosed bipolar - faked it).  I am the breadwinner.  I feel all the responsibility for the family and the bills.  I don't like that.  My #1 gripe is that my husband controls all the money---his disability benefits and my income.  I work for the money and he gets it out of the bank, pays the bills (good), then puts the rest of my paycheck in his pocket!!!!!!!!!   I have to ask him for my money!!!!!!  Yet, he doesn't understand that the money I earn is my money.   He doesn't understand that it is demeaning to me to have to ask him for my money.  He doesn't seem to understand that I need money.   Yes, I expect my paycheck to pay the bills as well as his income.  But what is left is mine and belongs in my purse.  He goes to the store and buys things without consulting me.  Yet when I go to the store, he tells me not to get anything that is not on the list!!!  If I buy anything not on the list, he gripes with me.  He doesn't have a list or even tell me  when he goes to the store to purchase something. This subject causes horrible fights.  The word "control", if uttered by me describing my husband's behavior, causes him to become furious.  Yet, he is controlling, in every way.  And he just doesn't see it. (Today, I got my hair cut.  It was shorter than he liked it.  And he was angry, telling me I was bald, needed a baseball cap, etc.  Rude!  My hair is to my shoulders.  I had one inch cut off and my hair layered.  I told him "Its my hair!" Yes, Dr. Phil, I know that I am defending my actions.  I've had to for 17 yrs.)   I left this past May.  Stupid me came back 2 weeks later.  Every day, I think of leaving.  Actually, I am planning it and putting money aside.  Our daughter is in the middle.  He puts her there. (Dr. Phil, when I watch your show, he leaves the room!)    He used to threaten to take our daughter from me when we argued when she was younger.  So I stayed.  I wish I'd never married him. Huge mistake.