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dbodkin

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December 6, 2007, 8:43 am PST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 

I got out of my abusive situation many times...but I always went back.   I realize that people who are not in this type of relationship cannot understand why this happens.  It is hard to explain but with me...I was the nurturing one in the relationship and I always took the blame and thought that maybe it was my fault that things happened.  After 30 years of marriage and one night of him holding a gun to my chest and trying to convince me that only in death could we truly be happy and making me lay down with an elephant gun to my back....I left and never returned.

The divorce took almost 2 years and now I am barely existing financially and I am paying him every month because his money is hidden away somewhere and can't be found.  That is a whole story in itself.

The good news is that I am alive and I really do not live in constant fear of him anymore because I moved up into the mountains and I don't think it can find me.  By the way I moved 6 times during the divorce and he always moved very close to me.

I say get out now...don't wait like I did.  My life will never the same and I too feel the best is behind me because I am 61 and I don't expect to be truly happy ever again.
 
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dennis1952
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December 6, 2007, 8:44 am PST

Life really sucks sometimes!

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

eliana01  'I personally feel very deeply for you. The devastation of  a marriage gone wrong, followed by divorce, the emotional stress and rebuilding of your self esteem and then your way of life. This is too much for a person to handle on their own so I hope you find someone that you feel you can trust to help you. My life has not been all that exemplary either and I owned up to my prolems, sought the help I needed and my wife decided to stay with me. I only laid my hands on her two or three times, sorry "only" is the wrong word to use since once is to many times, but since I finished my therapy and moved back in with her my wife and I have had the love affair of our lives. While this may not happen to you, maybe it will, please don't give up hope on life, believe in yourself and know that there is life after divorce. I've seen this in two of my own daughters, my brother, and numerous others. It hurts, it's threatening, , just take courage and move forward with your eyes open and your head held high. You did nothing to cause this behavior I'm pretty sure, some people are just violent. Don't let his problems make you feel defective. Okay sweety.
 
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y1lriley
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December 6, 2007, 9:24 am PST

Keep your head up

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

I have lived with an abusive man for the past seven years. I fought back and I have had him arrested twice. It wasn't until the last time he was arrested that he finally got the help he needed. Many states have domestic abuse laws however, some of them are a joke. In the state of Florida it is not left up to the woman to choose whether the abuser is prosecuted it is up to the state attorney. Thank God. My husband was forced to go to 6 months of anger management and alcohol abuse classes. Since then we have not had but two arguments in which he used some of the skills he learned to difuse the situation. He has changed in so many ways for the better. I say to you that you need to keep your head up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and make a plan to make things better for yourself. You gained your life back when you divorced this man, now take control and take it one day at a time. You have a bright future all you have to do is look ahead and not look back. If you are a spiritual person pray, pray and pray. God will answer your prayers and things will get better. Get out of the pity party. You have come this far and you can go even farther. You cannot merely exist. You have to take charge. If you don't he is still winning.
 
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cynpon
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December 6, 2007, 9:36 am PST

I HAVE BEEN THERE

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 SWEETIE:  I HAVE BEEN IN YOU SITUATION.  LIVED IN SACRAMENTO, FAMILY IN WILMINGTON,CA.
ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD I GOT OUT.  THAT WAS 15 YEARS AGO.  IT WILL GET BETTER, AND YOUR BEST DAYS ARE STILL AHEAD.  ALWAYS WATCH YOUR BACK BUT PLEASE DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR.  KNOW THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU, AND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANGELS AROUND YOU.  I HAD THREE YOUNG CHILDREN AT THE TIME, FINANCES, NOT GOOD.  BUT WE ARE ALIVE.  AND HAPPY.
CYN
 
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gander
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December 7, 2007, 7:38 am PST

things wil get better

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 I grew up in a family where there was a lot of abuse. My mother and father were in their teens when they married. My mother was 17 and my Dad was 18...My mother turned 17 in Sept. and was married in Oct. She was just a child..I was born when my mom was 18, Dad was 19. I have two other sisters. What kind of a life we had, can only be described as abusive and angry. My Dad would beat my Mom and then he would think nothing of abusing us. Not always physical, but verbal was almost always. They finally divorced when my youngest sister was 18. My Dad sat us down and said they were divorcing, and he wanted us to appreciate the fact that they waited until we were grown. He asked for our response. My response, Are you Kidding?? You made our homelife HELL and now you are telling us, you stayed together for our benefit. They would of done us kids a favor, had they divorced when we were little. The only reason my Dad wanted the divorce???He found someone else. My mother was devastated, and believe me, she took her time to get over this.  It was for the best. She found a job, got a car, an apartment, and for once in her life, she was free from abuse. That was several years ago. If she speaks about it today...this is her quote,"I could of taken the beatings, but the cheating on me, I could never take." Is this not pathetic or what??I asked why she allowed us to be beaten...her answer..I was told to shut up, and if I said anything I would be next!!! Needless to say, my sisters and I don't discuss this with her, we know how she feels. She honestly thinks, staying for us, so we could have a home, was the sacrifice she made. Please, don't ever think for a minute that your children (if you have some) will ever hate you for getting them and yourself out of that kind of life. I wish my Mom would of done it. My memories are not happy!!! God Bless You    
 
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