Replies to '12/07 A Killer Among Us'

I have not been beaten by a husband, but I am a child of a wife beater. It makes me furious that my mother is still with this man, my "sperm donor". At age 81, he doesn't hit her anymore but can and does go up to 6 months without speaking to her, making an extremely tense environment. I can't stand that she still loves him. As a child growing up sitting beside your mothers' bed watching her chest to make sure she's breathing does something to you. I'm 56 and still in counseling and have finally, after 10 other therapists in the past 30 years, found one who just zeroed in on  the problem and we're working on it. I have not had a relationship with him for 30 years. I tried 10 years ago for about 3 months to re-establish some kind of relationship but I could not stand for him to hug me hello or goodbye and when I told him not to touch me that ended it again. Women should never be beaten, but I'm speaking for the children here. A child should NEVER see his/her mother being beaten. Not only do they grow up learning by example to be a doormat, even though they swear it will NEVER happen to them, but it affects them for the rest of their lives. The lucky ones learn this early and get help early. I'm also grateful for this show, but I would really love to see a show that includes domestic violence from a child's perspective. Thanks, Dr. Phil.

To this person that says abused women don't understand why We have no self worth. You see, if you hear it enough times you begin to believe it.  I have lived in a verbal, emotional and physical abusive relationship for 35 years.  Now I am 64 years old, no friends, not much contact with my family, pretty much living a life of complete isolation.  Do you think I don't know why I don't have any self worth?  For us women to even consider our self worth isn't worth the price we have to pay.  We learn to live within ourselves.  We don't feel anything outwardly.  Every emotion we have has to be bottled up inside us.  If you have never experienced the deep, deep feeling of loneliness and fear of EVERYTHING, believe me you should not judge us.  It isn't as easy as saying "counselling".  Every aspect of my life is controlled. And I do mean everything.  My heart goes out to the young women that think they can change the way their boyfriend, husband, etc treats them.  It just doesn't happen that way!  To many times I've been thru the "honeymoon" phase of forgiveness, before it goes back to the same way.

Please don't judge the women that don't know how to get out of an abusive relationship.

 

Phil can't even begin to get these batterers to change.  No amount of counseling or anything else can make them change.  They are already spoiled goods.

 

Abusive guys love what they do.  Their cruelty fills them up, gives them a reason to live, provides a testosterone rush that  knows no bounds.  They are addicted to the rush they get from their violent explosions. They love having cowering, quivering captives at home behind closed doors. 

 

Call this number for confidential help and information about Domestic Violence:

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:  1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 (safe)

 

If you are a victim or survivor of DV, or if you are a friend or family member, call to find out how you can get help.

 

Batterers never change.  Their violent behavior always escalates over time.  Their behavior is all about their desire for POWER AND CONTROL.  They will not give it up willingly.  Never.  Some will even kill to attempt to keep their power and control over their victims.

 

 

 

Batterers CAN control their abusive behavior.  They don't want to.  They selectively pick on people and animals who can't or won't stick up for themselves.

 

A batterer never goes out in public to start assaulting strangers.  They do their dirty deeds in private, in secret, behind closed doors---using physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

 

Because these men are so disgusting, obscene and depraved, they often attempt to counter their filthy activities by contrastingly being extremely charming and charismatic out in public.  After all, if the public sees how charming they are, then no one will believe their horrific acts to those closest to them---wives, girlfriends, children, animals.

 

All batterers lie, con, and manipulate.

 

So, if someone tries to reach out to tell you of their abuse-----BELIEVE THEM.