Replies to '12/28 Wifestyles'

I really didn;t mean to offend and I do apologize. I know and understand exactly what you are talking about as I was a littel scared of marriage myself as I grew p ina very unstable home but luckily I did have good role models and they were people from my church. Marriage is a scaryt thing as we really don't know what to expect. Maybe I shouldn't have started my post the way I did, but the topice caught me a little off gaurd I think because there are men who do think their wives are nothing but their sex toys and slaves buit they are so wrong, we are human just like they are and we have dreams and needs as wellas they do, we need relaxation and friends just like they do and I think it sad that so many wives feel that they are slaves to their husabnds and that their children can rule theri every move. It is spelled out in the Bible on how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and CHrist did not mistreat, abuse or manipulate the church, He loved the church and even died for it (meaning the people) Any way, marriage is about two people honoring and respecting each other, not to take away ones value. A good wife will honr her husabnd and respect and appreciate his efforts and will boost him up and will treat him with dignity and help take care of his needs the best way that she can, and she will value his love and will have the desire to please him in the marriage but without a loving and supportive husabnd that can be very hard, it actually can drain a wife and casue her to not be all she can be. Being married is about working to gether and being their for each other and if you have all this and so much more, you would make a wonderful wife. It doesn't mean perfection from either side as none of us are perfect, but forgiveness and confidence in each other are great assets in a marriage relationship.

I couldn't agree with you more. I grew up in a VERY disfunctional home and I had no idea what a good wife/mother was or what a good marriage was. I thought my abusive ex-husband was normal, that it's just the way things were in marriage. Thank goodness for a great therpaist who let me know what the real world is like, otherwise, I'd still be with that moron and he'd probably be teaching my sons that this is how you treat a woman, as a servent.

Firstly, congrats for realizing that you need help, that takes alot of insight and courage. I grew up in a stable, but slightly disfunctional family. You may need counseling, I know my husband and I did and still do, but remember that even though you grew up learning disfunctional things you can change. My father grew up  in an abusive and disfunctional family. He was constantly called stupid by his father and his mother was very mentally ill and would not seek medical or psychiatric attention for this affliction. He grew to be a loving father and husband by looking at this disfunctional behavior and deciding what he wanted to be. Everybody in their lives needs to stop and take a look at the person they are and the person they want to be, then they need to plan and implement the plan. After they have done this they need to evaluate where they are. This can work in relationships by sitting and talking with your spouse. Communication is the only way that you can save a relationship. My marriage is far from perfect, but I realized how important my relationship is with my husband after I was raped in December. My husband was and has been the most supportive person I have ever know. He took care of me when I was dealing with (and am still dealing with) the issues surrounding the rape. The good thing that came out of that situation was that we learned how well we could honestly communicate with each other, the rape crisis counselor said that we were the only couple she new who could communicate about the rape so well. Through this I have learned how important communication is and how much I love my husband. I will never love another man like I do him. (He watched the show with me and we discussed our relationship and what a good husband and wife are - this is a great way to start a relationship discussion by the way). Also on this website Dr. Phil has the "homework" from his relationship retreat thing - it is under relationships/sex, you might want to check this out while you are saving money for Relationship Rescue - don't wait until Christmas.

Unfortunately so many of us think in a tunnel since our lives are typically all we have to use as comparisons...hence the importance of support!  I applaud you for identifying your relationship cycle.  Your desire and commitment to pursuing a better relationship, a better way of life by investing in relationship rescue, its a great place to start.  I certainly hope your spouse has the same desire and commitment because it takes to two to tango!  My advice to you is that you have to start with YOU!  In your heart of hearts you know what happiness looks like (even if you have never experienced it).  Tap into that desire and build your idea of what a happy and content life looks like and build your life foundation from that plan.  Identify each brick one at a time, discarding the broken ones and build that life.  What you will find is that not only will you be happy, but your relationships will be happy and most of all you will be building your children's foundation along the way.

i think your a very good person for being able to see that each and everyone of us has room for improvement!!