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Replies to '05/09 Mama Drama'

 
hulagirl1
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May 9, 2008, 6:26 am PDT

wow.

Quote From: aniblab

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

Unfortunately, mentally ill, addicted, and mean people have children just like everybody else. Trust me, you are not alone in feeling bad on Mother's Day. Many, many, many of us have had bad parents and have an ongoing battle with our self-worth because of it. We can't choose our first family but fortunately we can choose a loving, second family, whether they're related by blood or marriage or not. Whatever I didn't get then, I make sure I get it now. Good luck.
 
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janelli
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May 9, 2008, 3:24 pm PDT

You didn't do anything wrong

Quote From: aniblab

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

You and I have a lot in common.  Please read my post titled Poor Kathleen. 

 

We are about the same age and our mothers are the same age.  It sounds like your mother wants everything to revolve around her just like mine.  It also sounds like your mother is miserable and wants everyone to be in the same boat with her.  It sounds like your mother, as well as mine is selfish, unthinking and insulting.  Mine has been all three of those things many times.  It is always about them.  My mother thinks just because she gave birth to my sister and myself we should listen (with a smile) to whatever she wishes to hurl at us.  If I were to say some of the hurtful things my mother said to her she would have smacked me down (when I was young) or hotly told me off only to stomp off and cry at how terrible I treated her. 

 

It has taken many years and my poor sister is still working through it but I had to sort of let that kind of thing roll off my shoulders.  It was running my own blood pressure up because I had to suppress it so much.  Thing is, she is in perfect health because of her letting loose I guess and saying whatever she wants to whomever.  She can be quite the actress too.  People who meet her love her.  They think she is soo nice because they do not know her. 

 

I have raised two wonderful children because I paid attention (even at a young age) at things I knew I would never do to my children.  They are well rounded and confident.  They have high self esteem and

feel acomplished in life.  I am so proud of them and MYSELF for treating them the way I want to be treated, with respect.   Hang in there and tell yourself everyday.  You are a good person.  You care about others.  You will not make the same mistakes with your child and you can show love. 

Take care friend
 
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cndrlla
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May 9, 2008, 7:26 pm PDT

Mother's Day......

Quote From: aniblab

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

First of all, YOU ARE NOT DIRT!!

 

Unfortunately, not every woman who pops out a baby has the right to be called Mother.

That title is reserved for those of us who treasured each of our beautiful babies with whom we were blessed.........no matter how rough the road was.

 

I have three wonderful children who show me every day how much they love me.....because from the time they were born, up until this very moment, I have showed THEM how much I love them!  It's a lifelong process.

 

I am so sorry your mother......let me call her an "egg donor".......has given you so much grief...but, please..accept that this woman is mentally ill, and know that it's not your fault.

 

Surround yourself with those who DO love you.....and let the bad times go.

One day, your mother will have to answer to God for her failures.
 
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