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Topic : 09/06 Mr. Mooch

Number of Replies: 271
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:48:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/15/06) Dr. Phil talks to women who are the family breadwinners and are sick of living with freeloaders. Sarah says she's tired of supporting the man in her life -- and she's not even married to him yet! Her fiancé, Dan, worked just four weeks last year -- and only because he was ordered to by the courts. Sarah constantly begs him to get a job, has kicked him out three times, and says that if she doesn't hide her purse, he'll steal her money! Should she walk down the aisle with a man who wanted her to buy her own engagement ring? Then, Tricia makes three times as much as her husband, Glenn. She also does all the housework, takes care of their daughter and manages the finances -- after working a 12- to 16-hour day. Will Glenn ever step up to the plate? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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February 15, 2006, 10:43 am CST

02/15 Mr. Mooch

Quote From: eparker

Its embarrassing to see a woman behave the way Sarah does.    She "loves" him?????   Does that mean that she has no control over her actions and that she is sentenced to a life of making stupid decisions????    Sarah obviously see something in this jerk that we all don't see, but that doesn't mean she has to be controlled by her emotions.   Frankly, she's so stupid and not willing to wise up, she deserves what she gets (or doesn't get which is more likely with this loser).   The women's liberation movement supposedly empowered women to be the most that they could be.   I'm not a "libber" and never was, but really, Sarah, has set all women back 100 years in the progress we have made to stand tall and proud and be an EQUAL in what can be a most wonderful relationship with a man.    If she does marry this guy, I hope she has the sense not to bring children into it or the cycle will repeat...she will raise girls who give their power away and she will   

raise sons who don't know how to treat a woman.    I frankly have no pity on her.   Someone somewhere asked her for her pride, and she gave it away very cheaply.    

I totally agree with you. It's a shame that sarah and a lot of other women like her are putting up with men like this. It's obvious that no one in this circumstance knows anything about love. What I think is, he depends on her so much that she is to the point where shes not leaving him because she feels needed. She has a low self esteem and the only self worth that she feels is him "needing" her. That aint love, and I hope one day she can see that.
 
February 15, 2006, 10:45 am CST

I have been there, and done that.......

......and the main moocher divorced me, married elsewhere, and is now dead .......and I am alone, wiser, definitely sadder, and identifying completely with the program today. Oh - I followed the ideaology that the best revenge is a good life - but when he died, I lost my mission of proving to him what a jerk he had been! Whew - that was a real eye opener. If I had it to do over - it would require that I be as smart "then" as I am "now" .........but when we are in the moment of attempting to create an adult/adult situation out of a parent/child one, we are in a life threatening whirlpool. BTW - my moocher was not only underemployed - but he was also an alcoholic. Just color me STUPID!!!!
 
February 15, 2006, 10:54 am CST

Yikes

Quote From: cozychic

 Hi I am new.....can't believe I just signed up because of this very reason.. My husband refuses to do anything extra or even just whats expected to help pay the bills and mortgage.  We just sold a wonderful home so he could afford his half in a smaller home, now he can't even afford $600.00. He has a job but chooses not to work much, wants out of his job, but doesn't try to find another. He wants me to support him and keep us afloat. I have had it and refuse to piss away what I have worked for most of my life because my 40 year old husband wants to sit around and watch tv.  I want to leave him but still trying to make it work. Can't believe I missed this show today!!!! Any one want to tell me to kick him in the A*!
Why do you have to be TOLD to kick his a** out?  You basically just typed those words to this message board...now turn around and SAY those words to the Slug you're living with.  You obviously can make it on your own.  Would you allow a 'stranger' to walk into your home and behave in such a way?  Or...would you maintain a friendship with someone that was always taking and never giving in return?  Probably not so quit allowing it in your current life!   Just make the first move and make it stick.  No ultimatums...get your ducks in a row starting with seeing a good attorney...make a plan for service of the papers and a restraining order and schedule for the locksmith to come change the locks all on the same day.  Marriage is also a business and your business partner is embezzling from the business, both financially and emotionally.  Get with it and move on....there is a great new world out there for you!
 
February 15, 2006, 10:56 am CST

Yep clean house - you bet!

Quote From: poncho1950

Sarah is not only supporting his lack of employment she is supporting his alcohol problem. I believe that is called ENABLING.   Sarah is into a 'habit' of having someone to come home to and fears change...even if it's for the positive!  I'm sure she can afford to take a day off, fill up 21 grocery bags full of his personal effects, line them up on the sidewalk and change the locks.  Oh...put the vehicle in the garage so he doesn't take one of her vehicles to venture off and find another sucker.  It makes me wonder if Sarah is attracted to men that 'need' her rather than being attracted to men that 'love' her.  She is a wonderful caretaker and maybe should get a few kittens or maybe a dog...at least they will appreciate her!    Sarah is in a rutt with this man and it's time to CLEAN HOUSE. 

She needs to put him out and get to know and like Sarah as a whole, wonderful person.  Then she needs to sell the engagement ring, extra card, etc and pay off his bills.  Move on girl!   

  

It's better to be alone and going out to neat places than be home - mentally and emotionally alone!!!!  with a drunk....... 

 
February 15, 2006, 11:24 am CST

It doesnt end there

I was with a man for 5 years who refused to work and always made excuses.  After 5 years and 3 kids later I faially gave up and got out,  but he just took 2 of my children and is now living off of them via welfare.  Some men are just extreremy lazy
 
February 15, 2006, 11:29 am CST

Mooching Partners

As far as Glenn is concerned, he needs to check online for other resources to his employment woes like www.indeed.com  or www.homeworkstop.com  or  www.freelanceworkexchange.com .   There are many legitimate online job resources he should look into.  

 
February 15, 2006, 11:32 am CST

Ouch

Quote From: peacocks

I have a husband who is also a moocher. And I am tired of it. Three years ago "we" bought a house. No sooner were we moved in and settled in, he decided he wa going to quit his job and become a internet marketer and become rich. He stated in his decision," I refuse to work for and answer to anyone." He did this without even consulting me and the expectations that were to be put on me. I have worked 2 jobs to keep evrything going, and without him wiping me out financially. Yet, I am the one who is accussed of not being supportive of him. I pay it all, the morgage, utilities, ect, plus feed his fat face , and everything else he expects from me. I am emotionally and physically drained. He refuses to get a part time job as it would be an embarrassment to him in front of his friends and family. He throws temper tantrums and makes threats and such if I don't bale his own mess out financially. "I work 60-80 per week. He absolutely refuses to help around the house. He goes 3-4 days without a bath and wonders why I am no longer allowed in my bedroom and for the past year have had to sleep on a couch.He won't even clean his own bathroom and change the sheets on the bed for months. I am now seeing the consequences of hs actions. I am slowly being ruined in my credit and such, but thankfully it will take minimal hard work to clear that up. I could have had half of my house paid off these past 3 years from all of the hours I had to work. He has cost me SEVERAL thousands of dollars as I look at it, but he doesn't care. I am tired of all the manipulation and conning. I do know I will no longer tolerate it, and I will have to still work my rear end off so I can at least try and rebuild myself financially, emotionally, and physically. 

So, I am done being the mommie of this relationship. I hope others can learn from my mistakes of not kicking him out and listening to my intuitions about him.  

I do know I will never get married again as he has left a bitter taste in my mouth and cost me a lot of trust issues. 

Your post went up as I was writing mine; when I saw it, I had to comment. You touched on something that I did not in my original post, the aspect of manipulation. I, too, got accused of not being supportive, my decisions being the cause of the problems, etc., with my ex. It took me a long time to realize that this is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I feel for you.  

  

Fortunately, you seem to have taken the first, most important, step: making the decision to reclaim your own life and unload the parasite (get a GOOD lawyer to protect what's left of your assets!). You go, girl! 

 
February 15, 2006, 11:42 am CST

Sarah was a joke, correct?

Please! I've never, in my 43 years of life, seen a woman who really was CLUELESS about herself and her "significant mooching other!" Is she dumb? Is she mentally ill? Is she taking medication that interferes with her ability to judge and take action? The woman REALLY didn't get it; it was PAINFUL to watch.  

I am stumped; usually someone gets it or doesn't....she just seemed like she wasn't all there. Dr. Phil, PLEASE get this woman help; something is definitely out of wack with her. It was as if she were in a trance. He, on the other hand, knows exactly what's up, which is why he'll continue his lifestyle of USING until he dies (or until some smart woman or woman's father cripples him!) 

Such a sad, sad show today.  

 
February 15, 2006, 11:47 am CST

loser

This guy is a loser...100%....get rid of him now ...don't wait any longer.  These guys find a nice comfortable place with someone to take care of them and they take full advantage of it.  It sucks!  Stop it now!  Save yourself....there is so meone else better for you ....for real. 
 
February 15, 2006, 11:55 am CST

Lose the Loser!

    It is so sad that there are people out there who will not value themselves enough to look at these moochers and say,"Get out!  I deserve a better life and to be with someone who is just as valuable as I am!"  I am sad to say it, but these people are with these people because they do not value themselves enough to stand up for themselves.  A relationship should be GIVE and TAKE for both parties.  Sometimes one person gives more then in another time the other gives more.   

 

This constant onesided mooch-a-rama is a no-win situation that needs to stop. 

 

Kick him to the curb and find someone who values you as much as he values himself.  If he cared about her he would want to put into the relationship as much as she does. 

There is nothing to love about this man his strongest traits are lieing, anger problems, alchoholism, laziness all rolled into a theif...YUCK!...who cares if he can bath and dress up now and then if you have to always buy the soap, suits and shoes...honey, go get some help for why you think you need to punish yourself by having a 'relationship' with this sack of nothingness. 

  

Lose the LOSER and reclaim your self-respect. 

Not all men are like this! 

 
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