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Topic : Military Families Support

Number of Replies: 166

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Created on : Sunday, February 12, 2006, 07:30:53 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Having a loved one serving in the military can be stressful especially during these trying times. Share your support and advice with other service men and women, and family members of those proudly serving our country.

NOTE: This is a support board, not a debate board and any messages counterproductive to this topic will be removed.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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mjkkas

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February 12, 2006, 12:23 pm PST

I am really glad that you have this site!

Blue, I am glad that you suggested it. Now I hope that others will find it easier.

Thanks you are great!

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kimmyann

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Stressed

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February 12, 2006, 1:15 pm PST

holding on

My name is Kim and I'm posting this even though my husband is a civilian. He's been in Iraq 80% of the time since the war started. I never know exactly when he's coming home until a few days before and I never know when he's leaving. This is killing me. I don't know how much longer I can sit here and wait for a real marriage. To complicate matters, we (or I) have custody of his 12 year old son and we don't have any family or close friends here in Alabama. Anyone else out there feel like me?

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red_white

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February 12, 2006, 6:55 pm PST

THANK YOU FOR THIS NEW BOARD!

THANK YOU! DrPhilBoard1! Thank you Dr. Phil! Thank you "Powers that be!" I will do all I can to support this board and to direct others to The Military Families Support Message Board! Thank you again so much!
red_white and Blue

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ceders2

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ecstatic

February 12, 2006, 7:42 pm PST

GOOD EVENING KATHY/"MIKE'S MUM"...

Quote From: red_white

THANK YOU! DrPhilBoard1! Thank you Dr. Phil! Thank you "Powers that be!" I will do all I can to support this board and to direct others to The Military Families Support Message Board! Thank you again so much!
red_white and Blue

First off Congratulations on getting this message board up and running, it's great to see!! And also have to say a BIG thank you to the Powers that be on Dr.Phil for this message board it really will be a great thing for all of us Defence families!!

So, how are you are going now, Kathy? How's Mike and his family? Yes it's very good news about Carmen not having to go to Iraq.

We are doing well here all 3 of us.

Well you and yours all TAKE CARE and again this is really great having this message board here for us Defence families, hopefully this message board will get alot of good use, LOVE KELLY.

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red_white

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February 12, 2006, 8:11 pm PST

WELCOME TO THE MILITARY FAMILIES SUPPORT BOARD!

Thank you for joining us. Each person who comes here has a story to tell. I hope you will tell your story and find strength from hearing from others as well. Please help work to make this new board become the kind of support families in the military are looking for.

We are all so different but we do have as least one thing in common. We have a job to do. It is a hard job to “keep the home fires burning!” But it is something we CAN DO and something WE MUST DO! Our loved ones in the military are counting on us to be there for them and to take care of ourselves and our families as they serve, protect and preserve our FREEDOM!

We can do this... one day at a time... one hour at a time. You can do this! You may seem to be only going through the motions, but you can do this. We can get through it together. I know we can help each other. I hope that you will become a partner here and that you will reach out to others as well.

Thank you for joining us! We are very happy you are here!
red-white
a.k.a. Blue
a.k.a. Mike’s Mom

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red_white

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February 12, 2006, 9:48 pm PST

Hello mjkkas, kimmyann, and Kelly

So glad to see all of you here one the first page of our new board!

I believe things happen for a reason and there is a definite reason you three are here tonight. There is also a reason that this board has come to be just now and right here. We will all be a part of a adventure it seems. I hope we will be joined by many others! I’m looking forward to the future and what it holds for us.

I know I may sound a bit philosophical tonight. I can’t help it! Today I spent the afternoon with a bunch of gals at a “chick party.” Almost everyone was military. I was talking about what I had written to Dr. Phil about creating this board and about the *1 More Yellow Ribbon* board. And now, a couple hours later we are here! It is just so wonderful!

Let me tell you about some of the gals. Most are military wives. Rhonda’s husband Jammie is in Iraq. They have two little girls. Wendy’s husband is away at Noncom Academy and is subject to deployment sometime soon. They have two preteen girls. Three of the gals are Sergeants in the Air Force themselves, Including: my daughter-in-law Charmen; Monica. who’s 9 month old baby Joseph I was holding (Her husband Jay is deployed in Iraq); and Toni, who will be deployed to Iraq in late Spring, she has a 5 year old boy and his father (her “X”) is in Iraq. Two of the older gals, Patty and Anna are retired Air Force.

And then there is me. I am just the mother of a career Air Force T. Sgt. named Mike. But I am able to come here and speak about them and perhaps for them and to listen to you and to find our way clear through this THING WE CALL WAR.

That’s what this board is about. It’s for us. But it’s really about THEM! It’s about coping with the inevitable unpleasant situations and the joyous victories that come with the territory --being military families. I think it helps to know others who understand our unique burdens and celebrate our triumphs. It helps to be able to let-down here. We sometimes have to keep-up “a front” with our face-to-face friends and our families. It’s going to be different here. So let’s be, as it were, AT EASE...

red-white/ Kathy
a.k.a. Blue
a.k.a. Mike’s Mom

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red_white

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February 12, 2006, 10:56 pm PST

Hello Kim!

Quote From: kimmyann

My name is Kim and I'm posting this even though my husband is a civilian. He's been in Iraq 80% of the time since the war started. I never know exactly when he's coming home until a few days before and I never know when he's leaving. This is killing me. I don't know how much longer I can sit here and wait for a real marriage. To complicate matters, we (or I) have custody of his 12 year old son and we don't have any family or close friends here in Alabama. Anyone else out there feel like me?

Thank you for coming here and telling us about yourself. By the way, how did you find out about this board? I see by your profile that you are new to the drphil.com Message Boards. (You can click on anyone’s username and read about them.) Did you come in through a SEARCH or did you just decide to sign up here because you watch Dr. Phil’s show?

Kelly and mjkkas have been around for awhile and we know one another a little. They came over with me from the *1 More Yellow Ribbon” Message Board that I created on September 11th. They will introduce themselves to you soon. I have already taken up so much space tonight, so I’ll leave my story for later. I would like to address your issues briefly.

Your situation is a tough one. I’m wondering how old you and your husband are and how long you have been together? He must be at least 30+. Have you had custody of the boy long?

You wrote: “I don't know how much longer I can sit here and wait...” Is His job (?) in Iraq going to be a permanent situation? Can you move closer to family? There are always alternatives.

“A real marriage”? What does that mean to you? Do you love each other?

When I want solutions I find it’s best to write out things. Things go around and around in my head and it gets confusing and frustrating. It it like that for you? Perhaps you can start a journal. Ask yourself some important questions and give yourself time to find the answers.

Maybe this is not the best answer, but in my life, if I don’t know what to do --I don’t do anything at all --while I keep looking for a solution. It’s like going to the beach each morning to see what comes in on the tide.

What do you other folks think? What do you think you should do Kim?

It is so nice to see you here Kim. We will look for you again. Bye for now.

Kathy

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kimmyann

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February 13, 2006, 3:30 pm PST

Kim's missing info

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this message board, I have never used one before. The missing info to my earlier post is that I am 42 years old and have no intension of leaving my marriage because I truly love my husband. He hasn't even been home long enough to piss me off! We were married on Oct.1 after the world turned upside down on Sept.1. My husband left 2 days later to sit in Kuwait and "wait" for the war. When we moved here from Washington state 2 years ago he assured me the traveling would be cut way down but that hasn't happened. I do believe I am deeply depressed and frustrated by the lack of control I have over the situation. I've had his son with me for 3 years because his mom is not able to take care of him like I can. My husbands horrible job does allow me to not work and be home for the kids. I guess I just wonder how long I'm going to have to sit here and wait for him to come home and then wait every day for him to come home and tell me he's leaving again. Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine!

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mjkkas

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February 13, 2006, 4:46 pm PST

Yes you are right, lol!

Quote From: kimmyann

mjkkas,

Wow! What a fix your in and stuck right in the middle. Whether your daughter made bad decisions or not........she picks your nursing home so be nice. ha ha Really, I don't think many marriages between young people can possibly survive this. I can say that if I was I was younger I don't think I would have kept the faith and been strong enough.

About the nursing home and the young age.

You have to be very mature I think and my daughter is not

mature enough. Sad as it may be.

You will be in my prayers, along with your loved ones.

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ceders2

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hopeful

February 13, 2006, 4:52 pm PST

HI KIM...

Quote From: kimmyann

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this message board, I have never used one before. The missing info to my earlier post is that I am 42 years old and have no intension of leaving my marriage because I truly love my husband. He hasn't even been home long enough to piss me off! We were married on Oct.1 after the world turned upside down on Sept.1. My husband left 2 days later to sit in Kuwait and "wait" for the war. When we moved here from Washington state 2 years ago he assured me the traveling would be cut way down but that hasn't happened. I do believe I am deeply depressed and frustrated by the lack of control I have over the situation. I've had his son with me for 3 years because his mom is not able to take care of him like I can. My husbands horrible job does allow me to not work and be home for the kids. I guess I just wonder how long I'm going to have to sit here and wait for him to come home and then wait every day for him to come home and tell me he's leaving again. Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine!

Please don't ever think that you are whining when you come here to this board, if it helps for you to vent your feelings then please do so, but also know that you are not whining at all. You are just saying what you feel at the time and there is nothing wrong with that.

By the way, my name is Kelly and my husband is in the Australian Army, yes I'm an Aussie girl and I have been coming to the Dr.Phil boards since about Dec 2002 and have made many a friendship alot the way. I first found Kathy/"Mike's Mum" on the 1 more yellow ribbon board and have become friends with her. And now thanks to Kathy and Dr.Phil we now have this message board.

Anyway, I can't say that I do fully understand how you feel because I'm not in your shoes, but I do know what it's like when my hubby goes away and I miss him so badly. He has never been to Iraq yet, but who's to say that it will not happen one of these days!! He has been away from home quite afew times throughout our marriage and the longest was 9 months, luckly in a way those 9 months was well before we had our daughter, so it was just me, the dog, and cat!!

It's very different now that we do have our little girl, she is now 3 and a half. So, when Mark does go away things are very different for me, as I have to take over doing everything in the house, not that that has ever been a problem, but I have found a new respect for single Mum's that have no choice in the matter of raising their children by themselves. Atleast when Mark is home, he does do things to help around the house and such!!

Now you were saying also that you feel that you could be quite depressed and I truly don't blame you at all if you are, as I ended up last year having my first lot of Depression when Mark was away for 6 weeks on a Course. After many years of him going away I was quite use to it and then this last time it just seemed like I couldn't cope real well and I did end up with Depression.

As soon as I knew that this was the reason for me crying two days in a row and not stopping I knew that I had to get help this I did do, and now I'm doing 110% better. So, please talk to a Social Worker atleast and I know that you will get some help. Also go and see your Doctor and have a good talk with him/her thats what they are there for. And just take things one day at a time and see how you go!!

And if you ever need to talk please email me, my email is in my profile, please TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY.

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