Quote From: unispecterI was crying last night, because I believed that if I died, my former partner wouldnt care. I was just a commodity, and I blame myself for being played. I wasnt dumb I simply believed that all men were sleazebags, so I intentionally became delusional, pretending they cared. As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. Then I read your post. And I was reminded that rare diamonds in the rough do exist men such as yourself are difficult to find, but are worth looking for. Most men I meet just want to have sex with me, but quite frankly, theyre slaves to their hormones. I dont want to share my life with a weak, voluntary slave. And youre right, avoiding premarital sex although it may sound prudish is a definite way to weed out the bad from the good.
I just wanted to say that your post moved me. I hope the comment about dying was a hypothetical scenario and not a genuine thought! I understand life ,as well as relationships, can be hard, but we have to press on knowing that things will eventually get better.
As far as the part where you said, "and I blame myself for being played. I wasn’t dumb ". I don't believe you should have used the word "blame" as Dr Phil would say, "blame implies intent." I believe the phrase, " take ownership" is a much better phrase in this situation. You must realize that ,we as humans aren't perfect, we make many mistakes. When it comes to ,"matters of the heart" it isn't always easy to make good choices. All people really want in this life is, to love and be loved. In search of that end, we often fail to use our brains as well as our hearts when it comes to making choices for our life partner.
It is sad for me to admit as a male that, yes a lot of men are sleazebags. But again I think ,this is where women need to take ownership of their choices. Over the years I have talked to a lot of women ,both young and old. For the most part, they all say they are attracted to the "Bad Boy" . I have never fully understood this, and have asked myself ," don't women realize that they are called Bad Boys for a reason"?
You also said,"Most men I meet just want to have sex with me, but quite frankly, they’re slaves to their hormones." Do you hear what you just said? In the first part of the sentence you admit that most of the men you meet just want to have sex with you . In the second half you justify that by saying that they are slaves to their hormones. As a guy I admit that I love sex, but most guys know how to take matters into their own hands so to speak. I don't need sex to be part of a realtionship that I have with a woman, until we are both sure of our feelings and committed to each other.So that is why I am ultimately against premarital sex ...it casts a shadow of uncertainty as to what the relationship is built on, sex or true love.
Don't give up ! There is the right man for you out there somewhere. As Dr Phil has said ," just learn how to Love Smart!"
Dr. Phil sits down with one of America's biggest stars, a woman who's single and sick of it. Paula Abdul's extends a rare invitation inside her home ... and heart. Follow her as she chooses one lucky date from 10 bachelors hand-picked by Dr. Phil. Plus, Rob juggles so many women, he says his social life could be a full-time job. After years of playing the field, he wonders if it's time to settle down. Is an emotional block keeping Rob single, or is his playboy lifestyle simply too much fun? See what happens when Rob’s girlfriends learn the truth about him. Against the backdrop of an old-time drive-in theater, Dr. Phil conveys a timeless message. He shows singles and couples alike how to stop loving dumb and start loving smart.
