Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

Hmmm...or my Mom and Dad who lived through them, my wonderful grandparents...Let's see, everyone on this message board that keeps referencing them...and of course, not to leave anyone out, YOU :)  

It's not hard to read or ask questions to find out about a decade.  For example, when my kids are born and old enough to have inquiring minds, they'll ask what 2006 was like and I'll explain that mostly men and women argued over who HAD to stay home with the kids, marriages failed left and right for reasons that could have so easily been avoided had someone taught just a little bit about why people actually get married in the first place, there were more fake body parts than real ones, women fought and fought for more rights, so much that the pendulum actually starting swinging the other way and qualified well-skilled men were out of jobs so that companies could meet their "women quota," McDonalds made skinny people fat and fat people fatter, the world was mostly greedy and selfish and would kill their Grandmother to make a couple of bucks, and last but certainly not least, children would start daycare at 3 months old and call their teacher "Mommy" at 2 and slowly start to wonder who these people were that picked them up at 7 every night and argued until it was time for bed, in the car the next morning, and while they were dropping the poor child off at his REAL Mommy's place... 

And my children will have my words and my words only to go by, but they will have a beautiful picture of what this decade was like and be glad that I was raising them like my parents were in the precious, but not always perfect, 1950's... 

That was funny, Grant.  

 :-)   

I keep saying I'm done being obsessed with this board, but now I'll have to rethink that!  

This is primarily to Kelly. I hope you read the boards. After watching the show I had to find a way to tell you how much I related to your story. I felt the strangest feeling while watching the show. I was answering Dr. Phil's questions as if he was speaking directly to me. My experience so closely mimicks your own. It was bizarre on one hand, and on the other hand a relief to know that I'm not crazy. I have been married 12 years. I will tell you that my husband and I recently decided to separate because he can't shake the feeling of not being happy and needs to see if there is more to life than what we have. I was of course distraught at first, but have come to realize that this really is his problem (not that I profess to be perfect), much like this is Grant's problem not yours! In my situation, I tried so hard to be the perfect wife to the point that I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like I was doing all the work to improve and he was just barking out the orders. I was willing to put forth that kind of effort because my relationship is worth it. It still is. But I came to a harsh realization that no matter how hard I try, it will always fall short of the mark. I want him to accept me the way I am, and until he can do that, no amount of work I put into this marriage will ever be enough. Honestly, I feel bad for people like Grant and my husband. It must be very aggravating to constantly go through life disappointed all the time. My husband has high expectations for just about anybody in his life. I think it has to do a lot with how he was raised, as his father had similar expectations for him - and he fell short too.  I tell you all this, because I hope you will read this and feel a sense that I truly know what you are going through. You are fortunate that Grant is willing to acknowledge his problem and put forth the effort to change. My husband hasn't come to that point yet. I believe he will; I just hope it will not be too late. Sadly, since we've decided to separate, a huge burden has been lifted from me and I find myself much more relaxed even though he does not move out until next month. And yet, I would keep giving it my full effort if he would say he was willing to do the same. I am hopeful that our separation will be a new beginning for us and not the end. By the way, I applaud you for maintaining your composure when the girl in the audience gave her perspective on the situation. You handled that with such class and dignity. It literally hurt my stomach to hear her speak. She just doesn't quite get it yet. I guarantee I have put more effort into this marriage than most people would be willing to do, and I expect you feel the same. I am curious if things have improved for you since the show. As I listened to Dr. Phil's advice, although I understood what he meant, I didn't feel like my husband would quite understand what he meant (although I am going to have him watch the show since I taped it). I would love to hear from you and talk to you more. It is always nice to have someone who understands what you are going through. I would allow the Dr. Phil folks to give you my email address if you would like to talk further. Meanwhile, keep taking the high road! I wish you two the very best .  

I had a little trouble getting into the message board last week, or I would have posted my response to the show earlier. But I read about the show with Grant and Kelly and was in shock. A list of 75 tasks for kelly to be a good wife. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! Who does this ass think he is? He has some nerve expecting a level of perfection from his wife that he's not able to deliver upon himself. I bet if Kelly sat down and thought about it she could come up with more than 100 things Grant needs to do to be a better husband.  

Grant has a beautiful, intellegent, vibrant woman to share his life with (to quote Dr Phil) does he realize how many men out there would gladly treat her like a princess and steal her away from him? Leaving his sorry butt standing there alone and lonely and having to make his own bed, cook his own meals and wishing to God he'd know what he had before he lost it. The funny thing is that with as bad of a husband as he is, it wouldn't take much for some other guy to steal her. For somebody who seems to believe strongly in his own superiority he's certainly not living up to that is he? And gritting your teeth and white knuckling it, doesn't count as being supportive or a life partner or a leader/hero of this relationship. Sounds to me like he's practicing some emotional abuse on her-- no matter what she does, somehow it's never going to be enough... If he doesn't grow up and open his eyes she needs to leave him citing emotional abuse and go find a man who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. We all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are and to accept anything less is saying that you don't believe you deserve to be treated well. And I don't believe she really thinks that. Wake up girl!!!! You can do A LOT better than this jerk. 

Yet!   Though he is still showing up here in spite of how mean some of us can be in communicating our message!  That makes me a little more hopeful than I've been thus far.  We may yet make a dent in that hard head of his!   

Grant - I'd like to say it isn't personal, but you twisted my tighty-whiteys all up in a bunch, the likes of which I have seldom experienced!  We mean peeps are just dishin' back at ya, because it seems like your wife is too nice to dish back in your face herself (in the fashion we think you deserve, anyway).  However, now that most of my growly anger has been spent by posting a variety of different types of messages, I will try to be of some help to you without all the sarcasm.  That was my original reason for posting here, my concern for Kelly's state of mind.  After all, I have been a wife and mom for almost sixteen years, and I've definitely learned a lot.  So, you 'got my message' -are you listening?  Kelly, is he listening?  I really really really care about you two.  My husband keeps giving me crap about spending all my time reading and posting, but I ignore him with all earnestness!  (God bless that patient man of mine!) 

But I digress, I wanted to say that I really am beginning to become more hopeful for Grants rehabilitation, probably because he made me laugh with his reply to my post.   

I expect all of our posts will begin to seep in to his brain in secret, while he sleeps. ssshhhhh.... 

:-)  Don't underestimate our sneakiness, Grant! 

I hope Kelly doesn't hate me too much for being so hard on Grant, since ALL of this obsessive posting started for HER, because of those big, beautiful eyes that were brimming with tears!  My own eyes were brimming while watching the show.  Except for when I was cursing Grant inside out and to the moon!   

My best to all, and too all, a good night! 

Because of Kelly and Grant's show last Tuesday, I stayed up until 3am writing and re-writing my first post last Wednesday night (which ended up crappy after all that trying).   

I have been on here since, spending all the time I can spare - and then some...I didn't get my laundry done this past weekend.   That never happens!  THANKS A LOT, GRANT!  Now look what you've done!  I haven't been on-line this much since I got my first computer back in '96!!! 

:-) 

I am trying to wean myself from here, though.  I think we need to start a recovery board for those of us that have gotten that  "crazed, goin' for Grant - gonna fix him up for Kelly" look in our eyes! 

Truly, I wish you all the best! 

Michele V in AZ 

Bree, 

Some people don't get it.  A lot of women think that even if they stay home, as long as they're "nice" to their husbands, they shouldn't have to lift a finger.  I think Kelly does all she can with 3 little ones running around, and is probably just totally overwhlemed, and having Grant "watching" over her doesn't help.  I think if Grant fine tuned his requests, Kelly would be much more willing to accomodate them.  But, in general, I think alot of women take advantage of staying home, and that's really too bad.  I agree with what you said in your post, and it's too bad the other poster doesn't get it. 

Diana