Topic : 02/21 More Wifestyles

I saw the show today and was astonished by the fact this man had the balls to say these things to his wife. I myself am a stay at home Mom of three children of which two are school age and are also being homeschooled. I do keep the house clean and the laundry done and try to have meals on the table when he arrives home from work, but I do that out of wanting to make my husband happy and because that is my role. I don't do those things to meet his expectations. My husbands helps me in everything even though he works a job outside the home. After seeing this show today I see now more than ever how truly blessed I am to have the husband I do. 

I feel wifely duties add up to the following and only when the mother is stay at home. 

House clean includes laundry 

Meals home cooked 

Children happy and well taken care of 

Wife needs to take care of herself also, being a mother of three I am not always lucky to get a shower in everyday! 

Husband satisfied! 

I just hope this man can learn to appreciate his wife more. I know from experience, once he learns to appreciate his wife for who she is and how she does things, they will as a couple be more happy. A famous saying that was always said when I was growing up, "If momma aint happy aint nobody happy!" 

Kelly, it is great hearing from you.  Grant may be simply dissatisfied with himself and if this is the case, it has nothing to do with you.  Do not let Grant, or anyone else, make you feel that you don't measure up to some fantasy version of the ideal wife and mother, as there is no such thing.  Keep your chin up and your head held high.    

I wish only the best for you and your children! 

Diana--- 

You have told just about everybody here that disagrees with you on how important cleaning and organizing is or is not, that they are headed for divorce!  And many of these women have had marriages that have lasted longer than you are old!  You've said that just about as many times as you've told us you can clean your house in 20 minutes! 

Kelly....good to hear from you! It must be very strange to have so many people vehemently weighing in on you and your marriage. 

I know you have received so much advice....mine has nothing to do with your house. After I broke up with MY electrical engineer, I was devastated. He was hyper critical and dangled the approval/commitment carrot just close enough to keep me jumping through hoops to please him.My mother gave me Life Strategies to read, and told me to read like it was a mirror. I had never even heard of Dr Phil!  

If you haven't already read it, it is easy to read and think of others, but you need to concentrate on yourself....not because you are wrong, but because you can't fix other people! I sobbed reading the book. As much as I believe my ex was emotionally abusive (Dr Phil defines the withholding of affection as a form of abuse), I had to concentrate on how I allowed myself to be a victim and seriously trained him how to treat me.  

The book changed me from the inside out. I realize that you are married with three kids, so you should exhaust every option before considering leaving. If you figure out how to love and value yourself as much as you love and value your husband, I think you will find peace. 

For the record, I think you handle yourself with amazing dignity. I don't want to bash Amy, but I'm not sure it was a great idea to have a stranger weigh in on your marriage on TV. I don't think it's a winning situation for anybody. 

If this is of no help, please disregard it completely. I hope you and Grant find a way to be truly happy. 

Julie 

If those items were basic than maybe I wasn't listening.   But then again, my husband and I don't look at the materialistic things.  We look at the fact that we have a roof over our head, food on the table, our children are healthy and happy, time to play with our children as well as spend time with each other.   

I'm afraid to hear what you as well as Bree and Diana think about Grant not wearing his ring.  Please enlighten me.  You can't tell me that wouldn't hurt your feelings just a little bit?   

I do not understand why all the attention is going to jobs of a wife. 

By my choice I am currently staying at home with my two children. I consider this a full time job. 

My first priority is to give my children love 

Then to teach them about the world. I sing with them, read them book, dance, play, do art, write draw etc. I also teach them how to interact with others and how to be a good person. 

Then I think providing them nutritious meals is important and teaching them how to cook. 

Then giving them a clean environment to grow up in while teaching them how to clean. 

I consider my marriage a relationship and we take care of duties by ways of partnerships. 

Kinda of like scratching each others back for the responsibilities we have.  

Now since my list of mom responsibilities can take a considerable amount of time. 

I am not considered about a perfect house as long as I am there for my children to give them the most of my time while I am at home. 

I can even say, I see it paying off now, even though my children are young. As they are bright and lovable children.  

I just want to give you the biggest hug then send you on a mini vacation!    ~hint hint Dr. Phil~ 

Ive read your posts and feel humbled by them.   You seem such an honest loving compassionate woman!    I can imagine how upsetting the anxiety and frustration are for you.  Im sorry youre hurting!    :( 

You asked Grant what specific areas of improvement you needed to work on and he couldnt answer you.  You asked for specific dinner requests and he had a hard time answering you.   Why is that,  Kelly?  That seems an important question to be asking.     

Has Grant started wearing his ring?  If no, why do you believe he doesent wear it? 

Do you think the house is a shambles and Grant has reason to feel the way he does?  Or do you think you do a fairly good job considering you have three young children? 

Do you think there could be any merit to Grant having a possible disorder? 

Does your family support you emotionally? 

What does your father think of all this?  Your mother?  Brother and sisters if you have any?   

Sorry for the third degree!  If you feel up to it would love to hear your answers!   

Kelly posted:   I did not ask Grant for the list of 75 things.  

Dr. Phil, I watched your show today at 3pm in Fl. I believe it was a repeat. I was raised in a ol fashioned family values home. When i grew up I became definat in the way a wife was supposed to act. My first marriage failed because I beleive I was just to young and just dumb. My second marriage has had some rocky raods put they are starting to get smoother. I think the reason is some of those old fashion values coming back and because I've learned to pick my battles. I think it's important to discuss what your family needs and if you have the means to do it. I've been dissappointed many times when I didn't get to do something I really wanted, but it was because we really couldn't afford it. So I have a good cry but some visine in my eyes and more on WITHOUT HOLDING A GRUDGE!  

My husband helps me often with the house hold chores, and I always thank him. I'm not the best house keeper, but I try.  

When me and my husand have arguements or disagreements we try not to yell, if one yells st they other we bring it to their attention and apologize, and move on. 

I have a small poster on the refrigerator that reads: 

Rules for Christain Households 

1) Wives submit to your Husbands,as it is fitting to the Lord. 

2)Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 

3)Children, obey your parents in everything, this pleases the Lord. 

Colossians 3:18-20 

Sincerely, 

Audra Lukas