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Topic : 06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws

Number of Replies: 603
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Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:23:38 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/28/06) Manipulative, violent and diabolical. These are just some of the words Anna-Laura uses to describe her mother-in-law, Janice, who she says is destroying her marriage. Anna-Laura says Janice hates her so much, she’s taken a swing at her and even threatened to hire someone to kill her. Janice denies the accusations and says they’re all lies. Where does Morgan, Anna-Laura’s husband, stand on the issue? After not speaking for almost a year, Anna-Laura and Morgan face off with Janice in front of Dr. Phil. With their relationship on the rocks, can Anna-Laura and Morgan find a way to end this war with his mother and save their marriage? If your extended family is spiraling out of control, find out how to get your relationship to take a turn in the other direction. Join the discussion.

 

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February 28, 2006, 4:40 am CST

Which show did you watch?

Quote From: nycfan

That daughter in law should be kicked to the curb. Who the hell died and left her in charge? And where is her husband's backbone? He should tell his wife that his mother deserves respect. He should also tell her to apologize to his sister and her family, as well as his friends. And to say those horrible things  about a young child. I hope to hell she never becomes a parent.

I think you may have had the wrong channel on.   

RESPECT IS EARNED - NOT ISSUED for all individuals.  Parent, Spouse, Child. 

It appears that the daughter in law has tried to have a normal marriage while dealing with a very emotionally damaged son and an equally damaged and bullying mother in law.  I hope they all heal and evolve into a healthy family unit.  Unfortunately, the mother in law has lived with this controlling mindset for far too long. 

Good luck. 

 
February 28, 2006, 4:41 am CST

and nothing but the truth...

Quote From: txkatie54

I think you are wrong, my daughter-in-law has moved through our family like a mac truck, mowing down everyone who gets in her way, but to hurt her as much or more than she has hurt us would only be bringing the rest of us down to her level. It started before my sons wedding when my daughter could not afford a hundred dollar tux for my four year old grandson to wear as ring bearer, she was told by my daughter_in_law that he would be replaced. My grandson thought his uncle hung the moon and was really excited to be in the wedding and would have been crushed, so my daughter managed to borrow the money and get the tux. At the reception, my daughter_in_law got angry at the groomsmen and made them all leave the reception. My son no longer speaks to his former friends.After returning from their honeymoon, they were living with my daughter. One evening while having drinks with my son and his new wife and five other friends, my daughter-in-law said that she hated my four year old grandson so much that she wished someone would smack him so hard that he would fly up against the wall and die. I did not tell my daughter what she said, but my sister did and my daughter made them move out. My son asked me to lie to my daughter and say his wife didn't say it. That ended the relationship between my son and daughter and between my son and his nephew. I could go on and on about how she has hurt us, as I write this "they" have decided that I am dead to them and want no contact with me.  I really have no idea what I did this time.  All I do know for certain is that to say nothing is the better way. To tell either of them that I don't want them in my life anymore would just bring me down to their level and trying to hurt or manipulate her like she has done our family would just give her more power. Anyway my choice was to just walk away and not say anything anymore. My son is my son and I love him very much and this situation hurts me to the core, but what else can I do? He is sticking by his wife, as he should and I am after all just his mother. Any contact I would try to make with either one of them she would consider harassment. So I keep silent. I have not seen or heard from either of them since October 2005 and don't expect I ever will again.   

I am reading between the lines, I don't think this is the whole story.  There is a tendency to slant the facts when relaying an unpleasant experience to favor the narrator. I am picking up on that martyr attitude that my own Mother In Law has. She is soooo innocent. What were the groomsmen doing to be asked to leave? Drunk, too loud, disrupting an expensive,  important day? The incident with the child is not acceptable. One of the adults [your son],  at the gathering should have spoken up. Although the nephew may be an obnoxious brat, saying this in the home the sister in law is graciously allowing them to live in is very, very poor form.  I love my son and think the girl he is engaged to is great for him.  My own MIL has shown me how I don't want to be. That poor me attitude is so annoying.  When my husbands brother married, my new sister in law thought I was just being harsh toward the boys mom, after all she is sooo goood. It was a few years later after they had a baby that she started to see how manipulative the woman really was. She has done things that have overstepped boundaries continually and gotten away with it. She lies, and my husband knows it, but she seems so innocent! It is sad that your family is in turmoil. As a matriarchal figure you may be able to make a difference by admitting any fault you have in the situation. Even if it is hard the people involved can make an attempt to fix the damage. Money , bratty kids and controlling, manipulative women make a very volatile combination.  Powerful women in a clan can clean up many problems with some cooperation and effort from all.  Give it a try and be patient,not everyone grows at the same rate. Good luck. 

 
February 28, 2006, 5:16 am CST

What Daughter in-laws want...

1. I want to be "accepted" in your family. 

  

2. I want to be "respected" in your family. 

  

3. I want to be "loved" by your family. 

  

4. I want to be "included" in your family. 

  

5. I want to get along with you. 

  

6. I want you (mil / fil) to keep your "negative" comments to yourself. 

  

7. I want you to be a "guest" in our home and respect our "boundaries". 

  

8. I want you to accept that your son is a "grown man" and he can make decisions without you. 

  

9. I did not marry your son to take him away from you, I married him to give you a daughter, (me).  

     You may not like me, but your son loves me and you need to "accept" that. 

  

10. I want you to be a part of "our" family. 

  

11. I dont want any "favortism" shown between our children or your other grandchildren. 

  

12. I want you to understand that it is "our" turn to raise "our" children the way "we" see fit. 

  

13. I want you to understand that your "parenting days" ended when "we" got married, BUT your  

       "grand-parenting" days will begin when we have our children. 

  

14. I want you to understand that when you feel that you do not want me to be a part of "your" family, you are only "excluding yourself" from "our" family. 

  

Now tell us what you want, so we can all try to understand each other so we can all be included in each others lives. 

 
February 28, 2006, 5:32 am CST

It's Who They Are, Not What They Are

 I have read all the posts here so far, and I have to say....there are bad daughter in laws as well as bad mother in laws, and father in laws and so on and so on. It has to do with the TYPE of person they are....not thier place in the family. A manipulative person is just that, whatever his or her place in the family. I have not yet seen this show, but I am really looking forward to it as my mother in law has just about destroyed my marriage and my life. What's behind it in my particular case is greed...money, property, and power. Manipulative, viscious and a  very good actress describes her quite well. I haven't spoken to her in over 5 years which is what I had to do to survive. My husband hasn't talked to her in almost 2 years because she just won't stop trying to cause trouble between us. I had nothing to do with him ending the relationship between them, he did it all on his own.

To the woman with the daughter in law who is so troublesome....you have my sympathy....she sounds like a real problem. Your son will see her for what she is eventually. I'll have to check everyones responses after the show. Like I said, I've not seen it yet.
 
February 28, 2006, 5:40 am CST

Are these women nuts??

Quote From: freethinka

  

We always see shows about mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws not getting along and I guess it's because mothers think that no woman is good enough for their sons or something. I really lucked out- my mother-in-law is the best. I too, have a child from another relationship ( and he is an older child ) and she treats him as loving as her biological grandson. She tells ppl that she loves me like a daughter. She never is meddling. She is an example of what a mother-in-law should be. I think that she knows that I love her son, and truly have his best interest at heart. I wish everyone could have such a positive experience. 

Why would any mother try to make her son's life more difficult?  I'm lucky - my daughter-in-law had the necessary basics:  a good moral character and good intentions.  Every thing past that is just frosting.   

  

Her family ever says I "spoil" her.  My son even tells me that I don't have to agree with her all the time - she's really catholic and isn't going to leave him! 

 
February 28, 2006, 5:40 am CST

I MARRIED MY HUSBAND, NOT THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY!!

When you marry a man, you marry HIM, not his whole damn family.  I too, have one of "those" mother in laws.  She has to stick her nose into our business ALL the time!! 

  

If a mother in law wants to be so much into her son's business, then she should have married her own son then. 

  

And her husband is this sweet man who gets so neglected that she focuses ALL her attention on her sons than her own husband.  When I married her son, that is now my marital duty, to focus on my husband or her son.   

  

She needs to spend this time on her husband. 

  

My husband has the best mother in law, my mom.  And he will tell you that too.  She NEVER EVER pokes her nose in our business.  The only time she will give you her opinion, is if you ask for it. 

  

My mother in law, like most of them out there, are nothing more than a needle-nose *itch!! 

  

The mother in laws crosses a fine line...there is a difference between caring for your children and just having this sick emotional connection.  Hence the phrase, "cut the apron strings".   

  

My husband use to not stand up to his mom, would say it was me over reacting...until one day he was in the other room and overheard her...she got caught at her own game!!   

  

Any son that allows his mother to disrespect his wife needs to be kicked to the curb... 

  

You married HIM, not his whole family and the mother in law needs to be put into place. 

  

I stood up there and took vows with her son, she didnt... 

  

THEY SHOULD BE CALLED MOTHER OUTLAWS AND NOT MOTHER INLAWS BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE OF AN OUTLAW THAN INLAW!! 

 

 

  

  

 
February 28, 2006, 5:42 am CST

THEY ARE OUTLAWS NOT INLAWS!!

THEY SHOULD BE CALLED MOTHER "OUTLAWS" AND NOT MOTHER "INLAWS" BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE OF AN OUTLAW THAN INLAW!!  (AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH!!)
 
February 28, 2006, 6:06 am CST

Your so right

Quote From: zakksmomm

Throughout my marriage, we lived with my mother-in-law. This is never a good idea because then, the mother-in-law runs the marriage. In my case, we had a child, lived with the mother-in-law and she made all the decisions. My husband never stood up for me for nothing! His mother was ALWAYS right, and God forbid I disagree, I had to apologize. 

  

This lead to me wanting a divorce. I still care about her and the family, but I believe that living in the same household like that is a bad idea. There will always be confrontation that the spouse is not up to par because the way they do things is not the mother-in-law's way. 

My Mother in Law lives in the same neighborhood with us and that is too close sometimes.  Yesterday she wanted to watch our baby in the afternoon.  She cleaned my bathroom while she was at my house!!!!!!  when I got home she said she was worried about the baby being exposed to mold! I admit I'm not the world's best housekeeper but my house is not so filthy that the baby is going to get sick from it.   I felt like I had been kiciked in the stomach.  I try really hard to keep my mouth shut, because I'm not going to cause a rift between my husband and his Mother.  She says she is just obsessive about certain things, but if it's not in her house she should  LEAVE IT ALONE. 

 
February 28, 2006, 6:10 am CST

at my limit

My mother in law is manipulative also.  She caused the divorce of my sister in law and caused many problems for my husband and me.  She is about to retire and believes that our home should be her new "hang out".  I work 2 jobs to pay the mortgage and have the luxuries we have.  I do not want to come home every day to find her and whomever she invited over for the day muching and making a mess.  I am absolutely beside myself about this.  Am I wrong for thinking that she should respect my position?
 
February 28, 2006, 6:17 am CST

What???

Quote From: nycfan

That daughter in law should be kicked to the curb. Who the hell died and left her in charge? And where is her husband's backbone? He should tell his wife that his mother deserves respect. He should also tell her to apologize to his sister and her family, as well as his friends. And to say those horrible things  about a young child. I hope to hell she never becomes a parent.

This is a joke, right?  This is obviously the mother-in-law from the show posting.  Good try... 

 
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