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Topic : 06/12 On the Outs With In-Laws

Number of Replies: 603
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Created on : Friday, February 24, 2006, 11:23:38 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/28/06) Manipulative, violent and diabolical. These are just some of the words Anna-Laura uses to describe her mother-in-law, Janice, who she says is destroying her marriage. Anna-Laura says Janice hates her so much, she’s taken a swing at her and even threatened to hire someone to kill her. Janice denies the accusations and says they’re all lies. Where does Morgan, Anna-Laura’s husband, stand on the issue? After not speaking for almost a year, Anna-Laura and Morgan face off with Janice in front of Dr. Phil. With their relationship on the rocks, can Anna-Laura and Morgan find a way to end this war with his mother and save their marriage? If your extended family is spiraling out of control, find out how to get your relationship to take a turn in the other direction. Join the discussion.

 

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February 27, 2006, 1:19 pm CST

Decision's

I think manipulators like that mother in law should be beaten' at their own game, should be hurt as much or as more than her "victims" because they should feel the same way because they brought on them selves. So take a moment to think do I want to be a "victim" of that mother in law/someone else,or do I want to stand up and say something that would hurt and manipulate that $#%*#. Even though that just walking away might be the best option, nothing is resolved. The conflict is still in progress. Even though I want to manipulate and hurt her in places where there is no hurt in them, that would probably increase the rage in that women and would want to hurt you more and more. Me, well I would just go up to her face and tell her "that's It. I don't want this in my life. I don't want nothing to do with you. NOT ANYMORE!!" Maybe it's resolved if you do that but it's all about choices. Life is about choices and it's up to you to make that choice. What are you going to do? 

 
February 27, 2006, 2:24 pm CST

Do nothing

Quote From: tripleh

I think manipulators like that mother in law should be beaten' at their own game, should be hurt as much or as more than her "victims" because they should feel the same way because they brought on them selves. So take a moment to think do I want to be a "victim" of that mother in law/someone else,or do I want to stand up and say something that would hurt and manipulate that $#%*#. Even though that just walking away might be the best option, nothing is resolved. The conflict is still in progress. Even though I want to manipulate and hurt her in places where there is no hurt in them, that would probably increase the rage in that women and would want to hurt you more and more. Me, well I would just go up to her face and tell her "that's It. I don't want this in my life. I don't want nothing to do with you. NOT ANYMORE!!" Maybe it's resolved if you do that but it's all about choices. Life is about choices and it's up to you to make that choice. What are you going to do? 

I think you are wrong, my daughter-in-law has moved through our family like a mac truck, mowing down everyone who gets in her way, but to hurt her as much or more than she has hurt us would only be bringing the rest of us down to her level. It started before my sons wedding when my daughter could not afford a hundred dollar tux for my four year old grandson to wear as ring bearer, she was told by my daughter_in_law that he would be replaced. My grandson thought his uncle hung the moon and was really excited to be in the wedding and would have been crushed, so my daughter managed to borrow the money and get the tux. At the reception, my daughter_in_law got angry at the groomsmen and made them all leave the reception. My son no longer speaks to his former friends.After returning from their honeymoon, they were living with my daughter. One evening while having drinks with my son and his new wife and five other friends, my daughter-in-law said that she hated my four year old grandson so much that she wished someone would smack him so hard that he would fly up against the wall and die. I did not tell my daughter what she said, but my sister did and my daughter made them move out. My son asked me to lie to my daughter and say his wife didn't say it. That ended the relationship between my son and daughter and between my son and his nephew. I could go on and on about how she has hurt us, as I write this "they" have decided that I am dead to them and want no contact with me.  I really have no idea what I did this time.  All I do know for certain is that to say nothing is the better way. To tell either of them that I don't want them in my life anymore would just bring me down to their level and trying to hurt or manipulate her like she has done our family would just give her more power. Anyway my choice was to just walk away and not say anything anymore. My son is my son and I love him very much and this situation hurts me to the core, but what else can I do? He is sticking by his wife, as he should and I am after all just his mother. Any contact I would try to make with either one of them she would consider harassment. So I keep silent. I have not seen or heard from either of them since October 2005 and don't expect I ever will again.   

 
February 27, 2006, 2:26 pm CST

Meddling Mother-in-Laws

Throughout my marriage, we lived with my mother-in-law. This is never a good idea because then, the mother-in-law runs the marriage. In my case, we had a child, lived with the mother-in-law and she made all the decisions. My husband never stood up for me for nothing! His mother was ALWAYS right, and God forbid I disagree, I had to apologize. 

  

This lead to me wanting a divorce. I still care about her and the family, but I believe that living in the same household like that is a bad idea. There will always be confrontation that the spouse is not up to par because the way they do things is not the mother-in-law's way. 

 
February 27, 2006, 2:31 pm CST

Oh, I can see it now.

This is just like last Wednesday's episode of  "Wedding Wars" with Pat, Steve, & Kim, but much, much worse. She has already created chaos between her Daughter-In-Law & her son by telling lies, and spreading false rumors. Those two should move far, far away from her. Why must mother-in-laws always interfere in their sons marriages, and trying to split them up? This is crazy! Don't you guys have anything better to do with your lives?!? At least my mother isn't like this, and she lives in Jacksonville, Florida, while I'm living in Norfolk, Virginia, and she'll accept any woman that really loves me and cares about me. Kim & Steve, if you're reading this, I hope you taking notes, because Pat could be the same way as this woman. Be careful, guys.
 
February 27, 2006, 3:12 pm CST

On the outs with the in-laws

That daughter in law should be kicked to the curb. Who the hell died and left her in charge? And where is her husband's backbone? He should tell his wife that his mother deserves respect. He should also tell her to apologize to his sister and her family, as well as his friends. And to say those horrible things  about a young child. I hope to hell she never becomes a parent.
 
February 27, 2006, 6:52 pm CST

mother-in-laws

Why is it that mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws don't get along?   My ex-mother-in-law and I got along great, but my new mother in law and I don't.  She doesn't accept me, and we are very different.  She doesn't accept my child from my previous marriage either.  It is very hurtful.  I think she is jealous of my husband and I.  I am not sure why?     I am more in love with him than I have been with anybody, and I respect him, and cherrish him... what more does she want?   

  

  

 
February 27, 2006, 9:31 pm CST

I feel very lucky

Quote From: roslee

Why is it that mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws don't get along?   My ex-mother-in-law and I got along great, but my new mother in law and I don't.  She doesn't accept me, and we are very different.  She doesn't accept my child from my previous marriage either.  It is very hurtful.  I think she is jealous of my husband and I.  I am not sure why?     I am more in love with him than I have been with anybody, and I respect him, and cherrish him... what more does she want?   

  

  

  

We always see shows about mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws not getting along and I guess it's because mothers think that no woman is good enough for their sons or something. I really lucked out- my mother-in-law is the best. I too, have a child from another relationship ( and he is an older child ) and she treats him as loving as her biological grandson. She tells ppl that she loves me like a daughter. She never is meddling. She is an example of what a mother-in-law should be. I think that she knows that I love her son, and truly have his best interest at heart. I wish everyone could have such a positive experience. 

 
February 28, 2006, 12:53 am CST

I really feel bad for you!

Quote From: txkatie54

I think you are wrong, my daughter-in-law has moved through our family like a mac truck, mowing down everyone who gets in her way, but to hurt her as much or more than she has hurt us would only be bringing the rest of us down to her level. It started before my sons wedding when my daughter could not afford a hundred dollar tux for my four year old grandson to wear as ring bearer, she was told by my daughter_in_law that he would be replaced. My grandson thought his uncle hung the moon and was really excited to be in the wedding and would have been crushed, so my daughter managed to borrow the money and get the tux. At the reception, my daughter_in_law got angry at the groomsmen and made them all leave the reception. My son no longer speaks to his former friends.After returning from their honeymoon, they were living with my daughter. One evening while having drinks with my son and his new wife and five other friends, my daughter-in-law said that she hated my four year old grandson so much that she wished someone would smack him so hard that he would fly up against the wall and die. I did not tell my daughter what she said, but my sister did and my daughter made them move out. My son asked me to lie to my daughter and say his wife didn't say it. That ended the relationship between my son and daughter and between my son and his nephew. I could go on and on about how she has hurt us, as I write this "they" have decided that I am dead to them and want no contact with me.  I really have no idea what I did this time.  All I do know for certain is that to say nothing is the better way. To tell either of them that I don't want them in my life anymore would just bring me down to their level and trying to hurt or manipulate her like she has done our family would just give her more power. Anyway my choice was to just walk away and not say anything anymore. My son is my son and I love him very much and this situation hurts me to the core, but what else can I do? He is sticking by his wife, as he should and I am after all just his mother. Any contact I would try to make with either one of them she would consider harassment. So I keep silent. I have not seen or heard from either of them since October 2005 and don't expect I ever will again.   

Hopefully one day your son will take off his blinders and realize and hopefully it won't be too late!  You can only destroy so much before hopefully he will take a step back and realize what she is doing to his family.  My thought is she doesn't love him she couldn't or she wouldn't hurt his family!  Even if you were a bit** (not saying that you are)  she still should respect the fact you are his mother who created the man she supposedly loves!  And the rest of his family for that matter!  Hang in there and hopefully one day he will realize!
 
February 28, 2006, 2:42 am CST

disgusted with the nonsense

I watched the show today and was disgusted by each of the women on the show. Both of these women were defensive, manipulative, and not listening to reason. My grandmother was like this mother in law to my mother. As the grandchildren got older we certainly learned to recognize this intolerable behavior and grew conflicted by it. It didnt help that my mother commented to us about the inappropriate behavior and never chose to leave it behind her. Don't get me wrong - she definitely was the bigger person but she could have showed us a better way to deal with my grandmother. As I got older, I chose to not engage my grandmother's comments. She still says hurtful things but I dont let those comments dominate my thinking. I still have a relationship with her and I can love her for who she is. She is still my family no matter what. And I set the example by dealing with her in a responsible manner, which sometimes means giving myself space from her. Figuring this out took time and common sense, which is needed here. I havent met too many wonderful Mother in laws. Some are better than others certainly, but in the end you dont have to let anyone rule your life except yourself. These people have to choose to disengage despite the hurt. They need to just shut up and stop the blame. Each of those women are just trying to be right and I can understand when you have been continually hurt over a long time that you become defensive. But this angry back and forth gets no where and just wastes time. They will never change the other personality. Each needs to set boundaries, respect them like adults, put the children first and MOVE ON! If one side doesnt- so what- still stay the course. In order to heal they need to do what ever it takes to choose to be happy which may mean sacrificing pride, shutting up, moving away, completely cutting each other off (and disregarding any comments made around town because who really cares what people say. Its not their business so grow up!), or whatever. I felt like these people should have been on Springer instead of Dr Phil. Everybody needs to take responsibility for their actions here and move on. I was embarassed for them.
 
February 28, 2006, 3:42 am CST

Is it the stereotype?

Before a couple gets married, sometimes before they are even engaged, the in-law jokes start.  More times than not on television, in books, movies, etc..., the in-law relationships are often depicted as dysfunctional, and most often the relationship that is dysfunctional is the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.   

As a mother of 2 young children, I'd like to think that when they marry, I will not be the stereotypical mother-in-law.  But, being realistic, mother/son relationships are close.  For years and years we will have been the ones to feed him, hug him, hold him, and love him in a way that only a mother could.  When someone else starts to "take care" of him, making his meals, washing his clothes, wiping off his milk mustaches :-), it is a completely human feeling to miss having that place in his life. I am getting choked up thinking about it and my son is only two!   

  

That being said, that does not mean that the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has to be a strained contest to "take care" of son/husband the best.   I think that maybe the stereotypes about this relationship may put us on guard before we even bother to establish a relationship beyond (daughter-in-law) "my boyfriend's mother", or (mother-in-law) "the girl he's seeing."  I believe that stereotypes can often damage a relationship before it even starts. 

  

It's so easy for me to see that it would be best to realize that both myself and his future wife ::gulp:: love my son very much.  That is probably the most important thing we'll have in common to build a relationship on and then hopefully build a friendship even beyond that.  BUT, that is so much easier said than done and I can only hope I remember this when it's time. :-) 

 
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