Quote From: rapp12I don't know why I post this. I can only say that I'm a single father who has learned a very valuable and important lesson. I hope any men who read this can take a moment and think. I am not preaching nor do I think I am now the greatest father. I can only hope it causes some men to sit back and think. So, here goes....
There are many thoughts that I contemplate deep within the corridors of my mind. One of which I will attempt to talk about is LOVE. Has anybody truly sat down and thought about what love truly is? As I sit and think a thought comes to mind.
In growing up in a Latino home I saw that showing love as a man was to work and provide for the family. my father was a hard working man. He worked six days a week and in the 19 years I lived at home I never saw my father take a vacation, a day off, or a sick day. However, my father never said the words "I love you." My mother would always say, "Your father loves you. Look at what he does for us. Do you think it's easy to pay the bills?"
When my son was born I too started out like my father. For the first six months of my son's life I worked as many overtime hours as possible. Many times exceeding 70 hours per week. I would come home after work and spend no quality time with my son. I would not change a diaper, warm a bottle, give him a bath, or rock him to sleep. In my ignorance I thought it was my wife's job. Little did I know that my life was about to drastically change. I ended up separated and divorced.
This left me to take care of my son all alone when I had him. I had to bathe him, change him, feed him, rock him to sleep, and wake up at night when he cried. To say I had no idea what I was doing is an understatement! I have never experienced anything so physically, mentally, and emotionally tough and draining. In going through that life altering experience I have found a new respect and admiration for all single mothers. Words can't express the level of sacrifice a single mother gives. I was not a single father in the true sense of the word because I shared custody with my ex-wife. However, the days I had my son it was as if I worked 24 hours a day. To all the single mothers out there THANK YOU! I finally realize what the word love really means. I am so thankful for what I went through. I have developed a connection with my son that I would never have had. How many father out there know there son's favorite color, favorite cartoon, or even their favorite food? We as fathers take the little moments for granted. Simply giving your child a bath is a bonding event. I found myself getting emotional just watching my little boy play so happily in the bath. With all the crashing and shooting sounds he made with his toys my connection and love grew. I found myself laying next to him watching him sleep, listening to his little breaths, and sometimes taking in a deep smell from the top of his head. The weird thing is that to this day when I think of those moments I can still smell his baby scent. I can't imagine the connection a mother has carrying a life within her for 9 months. Then going through the long, arduous, and pain staking birth process. When I think of that bond I'm envious. It makes me look within myself and ask the question: Could I be strong enough to go through that? The truthful answer is I don't know. I have a new found respect for all women in this world. I have had a revelation. Society tends to think of men as strong, leaders of their families. Guess what??? Not true at all. We as men don't realize the true sense of the word strength. We think that going to work and making money is enough. Not even close guys! A woman's work is never done, and if I had not gone through what I did I would have never known. We as men think we are the leaders of our families..... What does a leader do? A leader guides people, a leader helps people, a leader teaches people, a leader motivates people, supports people and leads by example. Who truly does all those things for your children? If you're being honest with yourself you know it's their mother. What hypocrites we are as men to think we are leaders. Who spends almost every hour of their life teaching your children right from wrong? Who spends almost every hour of their life building the moral foundation upon which your children will lie their lives? That's right.... MOTHERS.
Men, I urge you to take a serious look at your lives. Ask yourself, "Do I really know my children?" If the answer is no I'm here to tell you it's not too late. Your children love you. They want you to know them. You'll be amazed at how your love will grow by getting involved in the little day to day things. Bathe your children, cook for them, feed them, change their diapers, put them to sleep, and when they have a nightmare wake up and let your wife stay in bed (even though she will still get up). I have to be honest it feels good that my son calls out, "DADDY!" when he has a nightmare. Who do your children call out for? Love your children the way they deserve. Give yourself the opportunity to experience motherly love. Some of you may read this and laugh while others may try it. For those that do you will see that it's a life altering experience. It will change you as a father and a man. You will look at the world with different eyes. We can learn a lot from our women. I ask you to be "man" enough to try.
I commend you for sharing what you have learned. As a single mother I am glad to know that there is at least one male that "gets it". After reading some of the message boards there are alot of women that dont get it either. I hope you continue spreading your word. Helping one other person have this realization is well worth it because it will directly affect a child.
