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Topic : Single Parenting

Number of Replies: 470
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:46:38 pm
Author : dataimport
A family doesn't always include a mom and a dad. If you are raising children alone, get support from people who understand here.

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July 25, 2005, 6:07 am CDT

connecting to kids emotionally

Hi there

I seem to be the first person here so I hope someone reads this and can give me some advice, I have a six year old son who has no respect for me on an emotional level. He will do everything I ask when asked but will not do his basic every day chores on his own accord and he knows to do it and will always do if he wants something, he is a very intelligent boy and I love him but I can not connect to him emotionally, He won't open up to me and talk about what he is feeling. I believe that he has some resentment towards me as I had to leave him in New zealand for a year when I came to Australia, my mom was fighting for custody of him and had a court order preventing me from taking him out of the country ( I was 18 at the time). How do I get him to open up to me so that we can talk and possibly solve some attitude issues that he has with me. I seem to be treating him like a friend more than a mom and he takes advantage of that. See how confused I am!!!!!

Confused Australia  

 
July 29, 2005, 10:03 am CDT

Confused Australia

Quote From: 25_01_1980

Hi there

I seem to be the first person here so I hope someone reads this and can give me some advice, I have a six year old son who has no respect for me on an emotional level. He will do everything I ask when asked but will not do his basic every day chores on his own accord and he knows to do it and will always do if he wants something, he is a very intelligent boy and I love him but I can not connect to him emotionally, He won't open up to me and talk about what he is feeling. I believe that he has some resentment towards me as I had to leave him in New zealand for a year when I came to Australia, my mom was fighting for custody of him and had a court order preventing me from taking him out of the country ( I was 18 at the time). How do I get him to open up to me so that we can talk and possibly solve some attitude issues that he has with me. I seem to be treating him like a friend more than a mom and he takes advantage of that. See how confused I am!!!!!

Confused Australia  

Hi there - Sounds pretty frustrating.

If he wont open up to you and tell you how he is feeling, he probably does not know how to articulate it.  He is, after all, 6 years old.  I think we have to learn to teach kids how to open up by confirming what they may be going though and giving them words to have the conversation.  For example "It must be frustrating for you", or "you seem angry", "You seem excited, happy, silly, etc"

 

Someone once suggested to me, that instead of asking how he (my son) is doing, to make statements that allow him to talk.  Here is an example:

 

"Mom has been pretty busy lately huh?"  (he probably will say yes)

 

"What do you think about that?" and then just wait.    (He may very well say I don't know, but at least you put it out there which, if done consistently, sends a subtle message that he can share with you)

 

"Well, pretty soon mom won't have to spend all this time studying and I will have more time to spend with you."

 

A really good book I recommend (If you are a reader) is Parenting with love and logic by Cline & Fay

 
July 30, 2005, 10:23 am CDT

the dr. phil contract

Quote From: kakfitz

Hi there - Sounds pretty frustrating.

If he wont open up to you and tell you how he is feeling, he probably does not know how to articulate it.  He is, after all, 6 years old.  I think we have to learn to teach kids how to open up by confirming what they may be going though and giving them words to have the conversation.  For example "It must be frustrating for you", or "you seem angry", "You seem excited, happy, silly, etc"

 

Someone once suggested to me, that instead of asking how he (my son) is doing, to make statements that allow him to talk.  Here is an example:

 

"Mom has been pretty busy lately huh?"  (he probably will say yes)

 

"What do you think about that?" and then just wait.    (He may very well say I don't know, but at least you put it out there which, if done consistently, sends a subtle message that he can share with you)

 

"Well, pretty soon mom won't have to spend all this time studying and I will have more time to spend with you."

 

A really good book I recommend (If you are a reader) is Parenting with love and logic by Cline & Fay

dr. phil has on his website a contract that u can use with ur kids. first of all, i live with another single mother, so we help each other out. we have seven kids in our house and it used to get crazy before we used the contracts. now everything runs very smoothly even though four of the kids have adhd and three have oppositional defiant disorder. they do their chores on time and r to bed on time, plus they r all very respectful. their ages run from age 4-16. for the younger kids, i just put pictures of their favorite cartoon characters, but it works really well as long as ur consistent with it. one month i was not consistent and i could tell. u need to change it every month and have a family meeting to discuss the changes being made, but our house is very peaceful now, even though we have seven boys. hope u give it a try. just look under discipline advice on the website and look up contract on search. change it to how it fits ur family. there is also a copy of it in FAMILY FIRST. he will argue about it at first, but after the first month he will know what to expect and u will be absolutely amazed as long as u follow thru. also, i found out the hard way to not be a friend but a mother. trust me, i know it can make u feel guilty being a single mom, but after reading FAMILY FIRST i had to learn to get past that. i thank dr. phil every day!!!! GOOD LUCK!! JEN
 
September 8, 2005, 1:11 pm CDT

Single Mom's balancing act advice

It seems to me that non-single parents give such simple solutions to single moms!  IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE!    

   

I am a single mother with very little money.  My husband who has been an abusive alcoholic is now addicted to crack and has abandoned us.  I have managed to be involved in my daughter's school and after school activities.  I know this has made a difference.    

   

I have to get back to an 8-5 job in-order to survive.  I have no transportation to get my daughter to school & back or take her to her music group after school.    

   

The advice I have gotten:  ask your new employer to work around my schedule, pull your daughter out of after school activities, maybe she can walk (over 5miles alone) etc...    

   

I am very discouraged.  My whole being tells me to go with my first priority and passion---to care for my daughter enough to aid her in becoming a healthy adult.  Though my realty says work & bills number 1-- then daughter.  I know we have to survive physically but how can I balance this?     

   

   

 
September 8, 2005, 5:11 pm CDT

Need Guidance

i am asking for help/guidance for my friend who is quite concerned about his ex-wife and his children. it has been brought to his attention that the mother of his children is using and selling narcotics out of the house/garage. he wants to turn her in but is worried that his children will be put with social services if they find out about this. she has a live in nanny who is with the children most of the time except for weekends. we are fully aware that any teacher or healthcare provider can and will turn her in to the authorities if they suspect anything...no proof necessary.   

   

he knows if he confronts her, she will deny it all. she is bipolar, which also causes her to be irrational. she has gone to rehab when they were married and he is afraid that she has taken a turn for the worse again. supposedly she has lost her job in the banking industry. she has no friends that she respects and her parents are equally screwed up as well.  

   

we are seeking information for the safety of his children. he has 49% joint custody according to his divorce decree. he doesn't know how to get her help and get custody of his kids at the same time.   

   

any suggestions??  

 
September 23, 2005, 6:51 am CDT

Raising Boys

I am a singled parent raising two boys. Their father is not an active part of their lives. They have recently began communicating with him on a regular basis this past February. My concern is about my 14 yr old son. I have caught him downloading and looking at porn on the internet. I found pictures of porn in his room. I know he is growing up but the pictures he has been looking at is of men. He said that he doesn't know why he does it. He saids he looks at their bodies and wish he was built like them. He is obsessed with his body changing and feels scrawny and skinny. His chest looks like breast are developing and it bothers him. He also looks at naked women and is starting to become interested in girls.  

  

I don't know if this is a normal behavior for boys, since I am not a boy. I have taken the computer away, had serious discussions with him, and even discussed right and wrong behavior. I don't want him to feel like something is wrong with him or that he can't be true to himself. I know I can not teach my boys to be men, I can only loved them and teach them morals and values for living a successful and productive life. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation or rather or not this is normal behavior is welcomed. 

 
October 3, 2005, 1:15 pm CDT

stressed and worried

My difficulty is with my reaction to my sons....right now I am going through a period of frustration and stress....I do feel like I am getting better however I feel like my kids are paying the price.....Anyone have any quality cheap or free ideas of how I can relieve stress and show my little guys a good time....
 
October 4, 2005, 10:59 am CDT

my boys are driving me crazy

I am a single mom of 3 one daughter 23 graduated college and has a good job and lives away from home in orlando where her job is i have 2 boys 8 and 9 with adhd that have not seen there dad since they were 2 that is not my problem my problem is my boys they get up fighting and misbehaving 5 minutes after out of there bed this morning they knocked down a shelf and broke all the trophies in my sons room and this was all before 7am.  i have tried the point system by easy child i have tried everything i have read the books on adhd dr lawless but nothing seems to stop them from fighting and misbehaving my son says he hates the point system and does not like dr phil because i try to use things in his books and shows to help me i even watch the show the nanny but still mornings are my nightmare i just ask my kids to get up i lay the clothes in bins marked each day (and all the toysare in bins marked but they can not keep anything clean )and eat breakfast my younger is very adhd and is very mean and mean in the morning before his medicine and at night when it wears off i have tried per the doctor to ignore but that does not work i have tried giving him a small doss of medicine before he goes to bed to see if maybe that would be better in the morning nothing everything i even went to the boys home over by me and took a short tour no help my eight year old when you tell him no he cries he has been crying since day 1 

  

they are good at school and when they are at there friends but at home i feel they will be the death of me i am not the type that threatens and does not follow through but that doesn't work either they like to walk on me because i am the only displinary in there life i am so tired of being mister mean guy i do not know what to do please help me i know adhd kids have to be disiplined different but i am going crazy and my kids do not know they are adhd they think they take medicine for allergies my older one is asthmatic  

  

help me  

  

lori  

illinois 

 
October 5, 2005, 6:58 pm CDT

what do i do

What do you do when you live your life right, your kids do everything the way they should (go to school, work, volunteer at the ages of 14 and 15) and someone comes along and tells you your son has done something you know he hasn't done and your family's life is turned into a living hell for 4 months and more?
 
October 9, 2005, 4:34 pm CDT

Single Parenting

Quote From: jamalldeb

What do you do when you live your life right, your kids do everything the way they should (go to school, work, volunteer at the ages of 14 and 15) and someone comes along and tells you your son has done something you know he hasn't done and your family's life is turned into a living hell for 4 months and more?

This is a bit vague. What is/was your son accused of? Who accused him, and with what proof did they have? What proof do you have he did not? What was the result of this accusation?  

 
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