Topic : 04/17 Dangerous Kids

"He is now living with his biological father and seems to be doing much better. He still has fits of rage and then turns to crying and saying he is sorry but it is not as bad as it used to be.

He thankfully has a huge heart for small children and for animals and never has hurt them."

How did he grow up?? What  has your son learned from you and the man you chose to father him with?  What has he learned from  his two role models? You're divorced right?  Could it be that your son has seen to much fighting and that he lives with a broken heart? 

Why are they blocking this kid's face?  Embarrass him,  show him on national television and then bring the kid out and say "What do you think of this?"  Dr. Phil does that to a lot of guests on the show and they say "wow, that's us?  we really look like that?" and then a lightbulb goes off.

What scares the heck out of me is that the parents can talk matter of factly about this behavior.  That means that they are well used to it and it's been going on for a very long time.  Why did they not seek help for this kid when he was younger?  That kid is terrifying.

If my kid behaved like this one there is no way he would be living in my home.  I would not live in fear.  This whole "but I love him..." stuff from the mother serves no purpose.  We know you love your kid.  All parents do.  But you need to do right by them.  In this case, that's getting him help.

My heart goes out to the kids and their parents.  I want you to know I think you are awesome because you cared so much for your children, you wrote to Dr. Phil.  You have a door open to you for help that I didn’t have with my daughter.  I really hope and pray that anyone else that is having these problems with their children like this, will seek the help that is needed to help these kids.  I have been there myself with daughter.  The feeling of helplessness and not knowing what to do, keep you second guessing what to do, trying to keep control so that you won’t totally lose it are most difficult part of all.  And all the time that you spend on the problems doesn’t leave much or no time for special time with them.  I cried, begged and pleaded for help.  I can’t tell you how many councilors she saw from the age of 10 to 16 which didn’t help at all.  By the time she was hitting puberty, she was totally out of control.  She was more harmful to herself, but she went after her older sister with a knife.  So at the age of 16, they commented her in the state hospital.  She was there for 3 years which she checked herself out.  She has 2 daughters now which I worry about all the time.  She still has problems; she loses control with her kids.  She has caused so much trouble in the family; no one will have anything to do with her.  It breaks my heart; I feel if she would have had more help when she was younger, I think her life would have been better now.  I think as parents, we don’t have the skill to deal children with mental problems.  At least I didn’t, but I didn’t have anywhere to turn.        

I am a mother of 2 children that are like this.  I have also raised 4 out of 6 kids that are like this.  Two of them children ended up in juvenile facilities.  My own two were headed in the same direction.  My daughter who is now 16 was very dangerous to everyone in our home.  He stabbed her youngest brother with a fork, choked her other younger brother, beat on me for over 10 years and broke my fiance's toes on two separate occassions.  After beating on me, choking her brother and attempted suicide, she was arrested on domestic battery charges and placed in juvenile detention for 1 year.  As heart broken as i was, i contacted the juvenile worker and asked that they give her a stern sentence.  i could not have her endangering her little brothers any longer.  It turned out to be the best decision i could have made for her.  She came home a completely different child.   I can only hope that parents that have had these same problems try to do the same thing.  Sometimes tough love is what they need more than tender love. 

Sincerely,

A Mother who cares.

Watching the show today was a flashback to my son's behavior from the time he was born.  He was our second child and "alternate child" syndrome was definitely at work.  From the time he came home from the hospital he screamed 16-18 hours a day.  He would scream himself to exhaustion, sleep and then start the cycle again.  His dad and I would take turns leaving the house for a few hours to keep our sanity.  Something was definitely wrong, but no one could tell us what it was.  All the doctors said there was nothing physically wrong with him.  The psychologist said we needed to understand that he just had a different temperment than his brother.  Most other people knew something was different about this child.  As he entered school they wanted him on Ritalin.  Researching the long term physical side effects, we vetoed the idea.  A speech therapist at the school asked what I was willing to do.  I was at the end of my rope and said "anything".  She handed me "Is This Your Child?" by Dr. Doris Rapp.  I was more than skeptical since just about everyone has an idea of what's "wrong" with kids.  But I've got to say that after reading it and learning about food allergies it saved my son's life.  Literally!  It started with a diet and finding out what foods triggered his behaviors.  After two weeks his teacher congratulated me on learning how to discipline my child.   She said whatever I was doing had certainly made him do a 180 and we should keep doing it.  When I told her about the book and the diet, she was skeptical, but agreed it had miraclous results.  He is now grown and after 13 years still monitors the corn syrup that triggered him.   It can be so frustrating to deal with this, but there are some answers out there, and diet has always been high on the list.  It's not sugar.......it's corn syrup that is the enemy :( 

 When a woman has a son and sees thet he's vibrant, full of life, strong-willed, and somewhat mischievious, she can either say I''ve got my work cut out for me teaching this beautiful little person to behave, but still retain his confidence and determination that are good qualities as long as they're tempered.....or she can decide he a demon child, full of hate. But no, we can't change the fact that we are all born completely blank slates, who immediately begin to pick up on things communicated to us, some verbal, some implied, some nonverbal physical cues people are constantly communicating, not just when lying. So Nick has picked up on the fact that his Mom thinks he's bad, and he's torn to pieces emotionally, so he acts out. Dr. Phil has an excellent solution, in my uneducated opinion, to put him in a residential facility; But the hidden truth maybe I shouldn't even mention is that, in my opinion, Dr. Phil knows these parents are poisoning their son. (Mentally and emotionally, I mean.)

  When I saw the tape filmed in their kitchen, I saw that Greg did continue to stand uncomfortably, dominatingly close to Nick, then Nick would push him back and let go, then Greg responded,oddly, especially if he's afraid of Nick, by putting his arms on Nick's upper arms/shoulders and shoving him back a couple of steps. This pushing continues, where Nick is trying to get Greg off of him, from standing too close, toe to toe, in a squared off pose men usually find aggressive from other males. Watch closely in film like this, the proofs in the fine flavors of the puddin';Like when Nick jumped past Greg in the doorway, he seemed more afraid of what would happen than aggressive. Much of his tone of voice in the piece went from trying to sound tough or "big" to a whining tone, showing he was trying to bluff off his opponent Greg.