Topic : 08/02 "I Love Myself!"

...hence the reason (and I'll admit, I jumped the gun here, myself--see the very first post on this message board) she can't be diagnosed with NPD, and Dr. Phil addressed that on the show (at least in the trascript I just read).  However, Dr. Phil seemed to address it as a "brain disorder."  That might not be so accurate, unless there are comorbid Axis I disorders that help the NPD exist.   

Could she have NPD in about 7 years?  Sure she could.  As for now, it's hard to say.   

Personality Disorders can't be diagnosed in teenagers because their personalities are still growing and changing.   

Your responses as the PARENTS and the ADULTS in this situation is deplorable! Whatever Shannon's issues are, it is exceedingly clear that she feels unwanted and unloved in this household, and of course wil retailiate with anger and venom when the very people who should love her the most FULLY reject her! Hillary, I believe you have your own agenda...you were aware that Shannon had problems when you came into this family...and you have done nothing based on your own statements to make this girl feel like a part of the family. I believe that you are systematically trying to manipulate this family to thinking that Shannon is the "bad seed" so you won't have to be bothered with her.  

Shannon, you seem like a survivor and I applaud the fact that you are trying to make it through this rough time even though you have no family support. I believe you were WHOLLY and CONVENIENTLY misdiagnosed, and I would recommend that you see an independent counselor (as a teen, you are protected under confidentiality unless you want to harm yourself or another). I feel you may be depressed...research shows that adolscent depression is exhibited as "acting out " behavior...anger, tantrums, etc, rather than what we typically think of  as "depressed" behavior.  It appears that Shannon hasn't developed strong coping skills to deal with this family rejection (but who could at that age given her experience) and is "coping" in the only way she knows how, which in reality is maladaptive.  Shannon, I wish you luck. 

A. An enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture. This pattern is manifested in two (or more) of the following areas:  

(1) cognition (i.e., ways of perceiving and interpreting self, other people, and events) 
(2) affectivity (i.e., the range, intensity, lability, and appropriateness of emotional response) 
(3) interpersonal functioning 
(4) impulse control  

B. The enduring pattern is inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations.  

C. The enduring pattern leads to clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.  

D. The pattern is stable and of long duration and its onset can be traced back at least to adolescence or early adulthood.  

E. The enduring pattern is not better accounted for as a manifestation or consequence of another mental disorder.  

F. The enduring pattern is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., head trauma). 

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:  

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)  

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love  

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)  

(4) requires excessive admiration  

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations  

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends  

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others  

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her  

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes 

Does your girlfriend meet the criteria for a Personality Disorder in addition to five of the nine conditions for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?  If so, you may need to get out of the relationship.  NPD is not something you can treat yourself.  She needs therapy, and even then, therapy may not be successful because she'll see the therapist as someone that challenges her grandiosity.   

In addition, her parents enable her.  They give her Narcissistic Supply.  You give her Narcissistic Supply.  Narcissistic Supply is anything and everything that can serve to inflate the Narcissistic ego: adulation, admiration, attention, etc.  Things that challenge the Narcissistic ego are considered "Narcissistic Insults" or "Narcissistic Injuries".   

Handling a Narcissist is like a Catch 22.  You give them Supply, they'll repeat the same actions that caused you to give you supply.  If they're hurtful, they don't care.  If you give them injuries, they'll blame someone else, most often you, and project their own problems on you.   

The source behind this behavior is that they constructed an alternate persona, a "false-self", that is supposed to protect them from: 

1) outside harm 

2) their true selves, which they absolutely hate for being powerless 

This gives many people the impression that they love themselves too much.  However, the truth is, they love their reflected false-self, a reflection of the godliness they want to be, which hides self-loathing.  This is why I say Narcissists have low self-esteem, but high image-esteem. 

Sorry, replace any instance of the word "girlfriend" with the word "friend" in my last response.   

I should have read your post closer! 

When a parent says "I did nothing"  - that is a HUGE RED FLAG! --- GOOD parents are constantly looking at their behavior and how it affects their children - ready to blame themselves.  NO parent does everything perfect - This father is trying so hard to protect himself that he doesn't care one bit about his daughter and this Step-Mother just feeds his ego - together they are destroying this young girl...

I can name three things he showed bad judgment with already -- letting his new wife remove her Mother's things - no compassion for his daughter's pain!  Dropping her off in Mexico??? THIS is good parenting???  Allowing the new wife to put labels on his daughter -- damaging labels and talk about his daughter being better off dead --- EVEN if you think such a thing - MOST people have the sense NOT to say it!  How is she supposed to get over that? This guy is CLUELESS!!! 

I feel so bad for her - she needs to get away from those two - children meet the expectations that parents set for them -

Shannon, If you are reading this - you have a right to be damn angry - get out - what you are doing is NORMAL for someone in your situation - many kids do the same thing -- it is simply a cry for help!  Get some help dear - you are a good person!  The fact that you had to call Dr. Phil is just you trying to get validation for your very JUSTIFIED anger! 

Dr. Phil I wish you would have RIPPED that Dad for what he has done to his daughter - the one who is egotistical is the Father - he only cares about his own happiness – his own “reputation” as a father -  it is clear to me.  Who would allow someone (Stepmother) to speak to their own child that way unless they cared more about what makes them happy? 

Thank you for saying that - you are 100% correct! 

The Father is super self-centered! 

It sounds like the real Narcissists here are one (or both) of the parents.   

Narcissism breeds Narcissism for this very reason.   

Do you believe that all mental disorders are flukes? 

Yes, I understand people tend to blame behavior they don't understand on disorders and not poor communication, poor parenting, or poor treatment of others and themselves.   

On the other hand, don't dismiss mental disorders as flukes.  NPD is TRULY a disorder (although Shannon has been horribly misdiagnosed), and many people here, including myself, know people with NPD and have suffered at their hands.   

Unfortunately, misdiagnoses like Shannon's gives psychology a bad name, and people have the tendency to think in black and white: "because of human error, the entire system is false."  Now THAT'S a fluke.