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Topic : 08/02 "I Love Myself!"

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:18:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/20/06) Do you know someone who craves attention so badly that he or she will do anything to get it? One family believes their loved one is a master manipulator and her ways are causing a major conflict in the household. Hilary claims she wouldn’t shed a tear if her stepdaughter, Shannon, died tomorrow. She calls Shannon a narcissist and says she will lie, fight and cuss just to be noticed. Shannon feels like a scapegoat, and thinks her stepmother is simply out to get her. When Shannon was younger, her biological mom died, and now she believes Hilary has turned her father and sister against her. Is Shannon’s behavior all an act, or do her father and stepmother need to change how they deal with her? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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fordance
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July 28, 2006, 4:33 pm PDT

08/02 "I Love Myself!"

Quote From: caffee1

Okay, First of all Shannon is not my stepdaughter. I know it must be difficult for you to comprehend that there are many people out there that have experienced the same type of situations. Let me get this straight, my step daughter who pretty much has done nothing but create severe conflict in my home, endangered the welfare of my children, has brought drugs into my home, been arrested- for something quite illegal, and blames myself and her father for every problem she has ever had- I should just "let it slide" ? In your opinion, when shouldn't I let it slide ? After she has actually caused harm to my children? After I develop an ulcer? I already needed to see my MD because of the stress.   So when do you say when? When my family has completely self destructed because of one person who thrives on creating turmoil ? When ?  

Sorry- but I will not allow my kids or myself to be harmed by a person like this- I am not full of hatred or anger, actually the decision to get my stepdaughter out of my home id like lifting a million pound weight off of my shoulders. I am content, I am thrilled that my children no longer have to be subjected to the screaming, swearing, drugs- I will stick by people who have problems, when they take ownership for the problems and accept that they need help and to change. I will not subject my children and myself to daily hostility. I think you missed this issue, I am a parent. I have tried to help my stepdaughter- you have no idea nor does anyone else on this board- she doesn't think she has a problem..It is the rest of us... I cannot and will not allow my childrens emotional and physical well being to suffer at the hands of my stepdaughter. The love and understanding route....I can be understanding, I can love- but when my childrens safety is at high risk-  they take priority. You might understand this when you have kids of your own.  

And quite honestly, you could not possibly know what this is like. And I hope that you never do.  

I find it quite revealing how you used the words "MY CHILDREN" sooooooo many times (I count six times). You seem to be seperating your step-daughter from your other children, as if she doesn't count like they do and her well-being isn't as important to you as theirs. I don't know a lot about it, but I know if I was a step-parent, my goal would be to accept my step-children as my own children, not to replace their mother, but to make them just as important to me as any biological child of mine. Think about it, if one of your biological children had the same problems she has, would you act the same way towards them or would you act differently? At some point when a person is an addict and causing problems, you might have to cut them off in order to help them (I'm not really knowledgable about that either, but that's what I've heard) but I question if you've even got the feeling of WANTING to help her, or if you just want her to stop causing problems so you can be happy with YOUR children.
 
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manofgoods
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July 30, 2006, 11:37 am PDT

08/02 "I Love Myself!"

So after three & a half months from which it was originally aired, this episode comes back. I remember having a huge debate with other users about this like caffee1 & missmarni. Mainly, I think that Shannon's a good person, & that she's just very troubled (I am still friends with her). Many people turned out to be this way in this world. And it's something that we have to do to help out one another. I was expecting a follow up with this, but, oh well.
 
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jemmi_b

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July 31, 2006, 4:01 am PDT

Reasons why

 I haven't seen this show yet as I'm in Australia but the title and description rang bells with me. I work with people with emotional problems and have suffered trauma myself. I wonder if I might pose a few reasons my clients say are reasons for lying, manipulating and attention seeking behaviour. They are often very troubled people crying out for help.

  • I am frightened that I am just plain crazy and no-one will help me without ‘reasons’
  • I didn’t get enough attention as a child, don’t feel loved or supported.
  • Feel like a young, vulnerable, needy, helpless child
  • I need to explain the way I am even to myself
  • I don’t know what is wrong with me
  • I am scared of being alone and having no more help without continuing reasons

  

Just food for thought. Thanks for listening.
 
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tc2500

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July 31, 2006, 5:28 am PDT

What is going on here.

Are peoplr really that blind. Can't you see that Shannon's behavior is stemed from the way she is treated. Losing the same sex parent is difficult enough for a child but then have someone new replace them is just as bad. Like Dr. Phil aslways says, "she did not choose her, the father did." The woman is a bitch and the fater is blind. I lost my mom when I was young. And thank god my father met someone wonderful.  She is the definition of what Dr. Phil always talks about in a stepparent. I was lucky I just hope Shannon can get some luck on her side.
 
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tallone54
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July 31, 2006, 10:16 pm PDT

I experienced the SAME OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR FROM MY PARENTS

Seeing this program brought back so many feelings and hurts. I am a 54 year old woman who had a stepmother who was so much like Hiliary. I was the one who had problems, blah, blah,blah. All those years of pure emotional torture and terror. My father sided with my stepmother. Finally I realized it was not about my behavior (which was a reaction to an abnormal sitiuation) but it was my existence. My stepmother could not stand I was another woman's child. She finally told me that when I was grown. I had suspected it all along. My stepmother's family has no contact with me. How could they, they are either in denial or they don't want to open skeleton closets!!! I now have a beautiful life and family of my own. No thanks to my father or the stepmother who could not love. My advice to Shannon. Forget and forgive them. Do not let them ruin your life. You can be a better person than they have been to you and you can make something of yourself. Do not brew in her "stew" Your stepmother has the problem and your father needs to stand up and protect you. You need to take responsibility for your behavior and change it. You have your future to look forward to do not let anger and hostility you feel bog you down and keep you from going up~!!!!!!!!!!
 
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steelchair
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August 1, 2006, 3:37 pm PDT

Our dear mum loves herself

Our mum, we are two sisters convicted by the fact that she is a big ego. Take this as an example: (in Sweden we have certain names for each day in the calendar and some families celebrate f e their son Williams day etc) I asked my mother the other day if she had remembered Elin, my niece on her "namesday"? Well, my mother responded, we don´t usually celebrate namesdays in our family, do we? Which meant that she of course had forgotten Elin. I do, I told her frankly. Well, of course, she went on, it´s Per the 1st of August. (Per is my mothers younger brother). Ye right, I said. And there is of course MY namesday, my mother continued. "We" have ALWAYS been celebrated me on the Margaretha day cause it is grandmothers real name and yours too! Well, I soughed there you go - YOUR namesday and the rest of us you forget, especially the grandchildren. And by the way "Margaretha" is not my first name, so don´t  you try that on me, I was thinking. This year I choose to forget her intentially. Cause this is the only way to deal with those "love themselves people" - by ignoring things that matters the most to them and by that give them less attention.
 
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lexiamarie
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August 1, 2006, 5:04 pm PDT

Being Narcisstic.

I have had NPD and I know the damage that it can cause.  There is help out ther, but, believe it takes a gazillion years of therapy and money to undo what was done in childhood.  There are very few therapist who know how to treat this disorder-remember one has to chang the whole personality.  I am still narcisstic-like attention, but, I no longer "hurt" other people.  It's difficult for a person with this disorder to even get into therapy in the first place, because the problem rests with the other person and if its the other person's fault, then, why seek therapy.  I originaly sort therapy to find out why other people were so difficult to get alon g with and I was hoping my therapist would help me change them!!!HELLO,  It took 17 years of therapy "to get it right".  FYI, any therapist won't do.  You need to find a BIOENERGIC Therapist.  This therapist has worked years to be able to understand NPD and Borderline Personality Disorder.  At first, its a "tug of war" as to who is going to control the session and you will go round and round with your therapist.  There is so much shame atch to this disorder and it does stem from childhook, for me, it was emotional neglect from my mother.  She wasn't aware that I even existed-to her, I was invisible.  What a hell of a way to grow up.  I'm now in my 70's and have lost so much in this life.  Usually, by the time you get it all figured out, IT'S TOO LATE and one is in the sunset of their lives.  If you recoginize this in a family member, try to get them into therapy when they are young.  I started at age 50.  A little late to do my life all over again.  If you are interested in this Disorder, then GOOGLE it and expect an eye-opener.  God Bless all who have this disorder and don't even know it.  Families should practice a little empathy and find out what's going on.  Thanks for listening. God Bless PS.  I left out a word.  The therapist that you should seek is a BIOENERGIC ANALYST. It's a journey into the SELF and these therapists walk withyou through that journey-you are never alone again. Bye
 
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flthomcat
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August 2, 2006, 3:57 am PDT

Not the show you expect it to be

Saw this show when it originally aired. Those of you expecting to see a show on Narcasism (sp?) won't get it! Step mom Hillary is the cruel and heartless one. Shannon may have problems (what young people don't?), but she's not the sick one in this relationship. Dr. Phil sees thru Hillary really fast!

 

God bless, Shannon. Hopefully she's doing well now and her clueless father had a reality check after being on Dr. Phil. I do hope Hillary returned home from the show and felt some embarrassment for her non-adult behavior. She gives "step moms" a bad name!

 

And God bless the other woman and her family who love and respect Shannon; they know the truth behind Hillary and Shannon's father.

 
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flthomcat
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August 2, 2006, 4:01 am PDT

It's not a show on NPR

Quote From: killerb255

...a show that might address Narcissistic Personality Disorder directly?

 

Okay, so it may not, but this is probably the closest thing to it.

 

Shannon might also have Histrionic Personality Disorder (feels as if they need attention or else they feel like they're nobody).

 

I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

It's not, so don't expect anything on NPD. Shannon may have some problems (as most young people do), but the show's really about a clueless father and a wicked stepmother. Dr. Phil sees thru the crap quickly and places much of the blame where it belongs...with step-mommy dearest! Only daddy and step-mommy don't seem to have a clue...even by the end of the show. Poor Shannon. Hopefully she's doing well now; she deserves it after being the scapegoat for so long.
 
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lilym25
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August 2, 2006, 6:48 am PDT

I don't think Shannon is the self-centered one

I understand that she has behavior problems, but her father and step-mother disturbed me with their constant labelling.  This only makes a child act out further, being labelled like that.  Hilary could barely hide her triumph about the narcissistic diagnosis they once received. 

 

They appeared self-centered (ironically) and focused on their own feelings about Shannon.  That they don't like her or wouldn't be unhappy if Shannon/"the bad shannon" died--?  How is that germane to problem-solving? 

 

It really seems as though the parents try to humiliate her.   They should be working with her, not disregarding and disparaging her. 

 
 
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