Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

He had a choice when he had sex with her.  End of discussion.  The baby has nothing to do with what an jerk he turned out to be.  They both made a choice when the had sex. 

A woman carries the child for 9 months. That much you have right.  

I have raised 3 children, and I can attest to the fact that the responsibility for a mom does not end after the 9 month gestation. I am responsible for the well being of my child all day and all night until they leave home to live on their own. That was an average of 19 years for me.   

  

It is a physical ,emotional and mental responsibility to parent a child. It is much more taxing than simply writing a check and mailing it each month. A parent is up at night when the child is sick, gets called to the school when the child gets hurt. A parent trains and teaches a child so that the child can grow up to be an emotionally and physically healthy adult.  

  

If men and women would wait to have children until they are married and stable, the man would only be "using his body" to support one household instead of 2. Maybe he should consider all that before he uses his body for fun. 

  

It is all about maturity, responsibility and selflessness. 

I am a young woman of 20.  Less than a year ago I was a teenager of 19 and I would like to make the point that teenagers are simply not the brightest people in the universe.  Not that teenagers are unintelligent, "dumb", or any other degratory word regarding intellect, but the simple fact that no teenager has had the life experiences to prepare them for parenthood.  During this time, parents may be even more important as role models for their children.

Yes, the girl's actions are atrocious; she lied and misled him.  Apparently, she has issues of her own that need to be worked out and several years of growing up to do.  Excuse the phrase, but boohoo.  It's not the last time someone will lie to this young man.  With his father fully supporting him opting out of fatherhood, what kind of message is his sending not only to his son, but to ever other young couple who is uncommited?  Go ahead with your actions and no matter the outcome, if you don't like it, here's a free ticket out.

No, this should not be happening.  Yes, it is unfair.  Perhaps the young man should have thought about that before he slept with his then-girlfriend.  If he truly did not want children, condoms are less than $5 and he could have purchased them for his own peace of mind.  Women are largely accountable for birth control in relationships: their responsibilty lies in taking the pill, getting their shot, etc.  Maybe the problem behind much of this is that if men truly do not wish to have children, they should take more active role in assuring that a pregnancy does not occur.

But my real concern is the lesson the father is teaching his son.  This is not some material thing that you can simply turn your back on and discard.  This child, who has done nothing to anyone, is being neglected by its father and grandfather and denied their love through no fault of its own.  Children should not be punished for their parents' mistakes, although it does happen.  Anyone who can turn their back on their own grandchild or child should reevaluate what they value in their life.  Perhaps they should begin with teaching their children the fine art of taking responsibility for their actions and thoroughly understanding the possible consequences of their actions.

I have a son who is 32 years old and doesn't have any children.  When he was younger and full of mess, the first thing I told him when I knew he was having sex, was to always use protection.  Also, I told him that girls will lie and tell him that they can't have a baby or that they are on some sort of birth control.  If you did not want any children just yet, you should have still protected yourself no matter what the girl tells you.  It isn't fair that she had a baby and knowing that you were not ready for one.  It happened because both of you got caught up in the moment and you should take responsibility for being stupid and not protecting yourself.  With all the diseases that are out here now, that would have been the first thing I thought you and her would think about.  Don't blame her having a baby that you did not want at this time, blame both of you.   

I am the mother of two adopted sons.  Words can't express the emotions we experienced as we were given the news that we would not have biological children.  I believe that when you choose to participate in sexual activity, knowing full well the possible result, you consent to becoming a parent.  How convenient to say after the fact, "I didn't want to be a parent."  Many children are unplanned--my sons and several of my siblings included, but I am so glad that two women (and men coincidentally) allowed me to raise the children they produced and that my parents chose not to abandon anyt of their children simply because they had not been planned.   

Maybe not all states require both biological parents to relinquish, but I believe they should.  At that point, the father has a choice, as does the mother.  They don't have to agree, but it still gives the male a voice.  It might cause the mother to re-evaluate her decision. I do have some concern that a change in the law would bring deadbeat dads (and moms) out of the woodwork, washing their hands of any fiscal responsibility for existing offspring.  I believe if potential parents knew that the children they produced would be totally their responsibility--not society's or the welfare system's--perhaps some would rethink their irresponsible sexual behaviors and their decisions to keep children they can't/won't provide for themselves. 

  

Personally, I do believe that Matt has a legal case. Women do get that second choice as to whether or not to have the baby, men don't. This is an even bigger issue when women choose to terminate a pregnancy when the father does not want them to. There is a lack of equality that will need to be looked at from a strictly legal perspective. 

  

All of that said, I think that Matt is a jerk and all women should steer far clear of him. I think that he hasn't held his daughter because he is afraid that he will have feelings for her.  

  

How does this all play out, though? I would appreciate it if the Dr. Phil Foundation could give this mother and child a grant so that they can be free of Matt. This baby does not need a father who does not want her and resents her because he can't have 500 extra dollars a month. She doesn't need a father who doesn't care for her. I hope that Mommy learns to love smart and meets a great guy who chooses to be the baby's daddy. I also hope that, when this beautiful little girl grows up to become a brilliant and wonderful woman she does not think of Matt any more than she would anyone else she meets on the street as she walks about in her beautiful life. I also hope that Matt realizes what he missed out on. 

  

Maybe Matt should have counseling to learn why he has such committment issues. Then again, maybe he should just be provided with information regarding vasectomies.  

  

Either way, thanks for putting Matt on television Dr. Phil. I will keep his image in my mind and make sure all of my girlfriends stay far clear of him.  

Always the ones who pay. I cannot imagine how that child is going to feel when she realizes that her father didn't want her and she will have all the media coverage to help her remember. He hasn't even tried to be a father.    

Of course, I think he's a low-down, immature, brat.    

 If he wants to hate her mother, I can understand as she lied to him but to deny his own. It's very sad. God Bless that child.   

I think that u are stuopid in the first place to even think that she told u the truth on her not able to get pregnant. the only you should believe that is if you see it for yourself. and to think that you should have rights is just totally ridiculous. quit being selfish, your the one that stuck her without a condom and now you need to pay the consequences 

  

I think Matt's case is bull.  If he didn't want to be a father, he should have went down to the local Wal-mart and spent the $2 on the condoms.  He is just pissed because now he has to shell out $500/month because of his laziness.  If he wasn't ordered to pay child support, this wouldn't even be an issue to him.  That little girl is beautiful and I hope she never calls him Daddy because he doesn't deserve the pure joy of hearing that.  One day that baby will know what this man that created her did and she is going to feel awful about herself.  She is going to think she ruined his life.  I hope the mom tells her everyday of her life that she was meant to be here.  I hope the only thing Matt and the baby ever have in common is their DNA!