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Topic : Your Parenting Style

Number of Replies: 142
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:48:44 pm
Author : dataimport
What is your parenting style, and is it meshing with your child's personality? Are you an authoritarian or a permissive parent? And is your child rebellious or passive? There's no magic formula, so use this message board as a tool to define your styles, problem-solve, find support and share ideas.

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July 22, 2005, 3:37 pm CDT

1-2-3 Magic!!!!

I have found an effective way of discplining my children, they are ages 6, 2 and 6 months. I reallize a child likes to have an impact on the world, whether it be throwing a rock into the creek, or throwing cheerios on the floor, or even getting on your last nerve with endless questions and  demands!!! I have started applying a program called 1-2-3 magic and it has been a lifesaver. When a child is getting into things like my 2 year old loves to do, I just simply say,  "That's 1", and if they continue I say, "That's 2" and if they make it to 3 then I say "take five", and then I send them to their room for 5 minutes. I don't say anything at all just start counting. The key is consistency, and showing no emotion. The program states that parents talk to children too much and to emotionally, they can't comprehend on an adult level, so why talk to them the way you would an adult? It has worked for me, and my 6 yr old now looks at me and rolls her eyes by the time I say "That's 1", You have to make sure you explain to your child that things are changing around your household, and be honest and tell them how you are going to handle things now (by counting). Another thing, when they come out of their room after 5 minutes, don't bring up what happened, it's over, they have a clean slate!!! It works for me, and my stress level has decreased tremendously!!! If you want a copy of the program, I can send it to you via e-mail: heathergatlin@hotmail.com
 
July 22, 2005, 4:10 pm CDT

wow

stop treating your six year old like that...if i were six, i would see that as really patronizing...at least pretend to treat him like an adult...dont talk down to him...even kids as young as two can tell when you are talking down to them...and it definitely sound like you are.
 
July 22, 2005, 5:49 pm CDT

talking down to them?

I don't see giving a 6 year old the count of three as patronizing.  I see it as giving him or her a warning that they are committing a foul tthat will punished should the act continue!  I have three kids myself, two aged 8 and one who is 6.  When they were younger, I used to tell them to stop then go to the count.... 1 was telling them to stop, 2 was getting up and going to where they were, and 3 was taking them by the hand and removing them from the scene of the crime and sitting them down for time out.  But now, 1 is telling them to stop, if they continue I simply say "that's 2!", and 3 is their punishment, only it dioesn't consist of time out.  They are old enough to get them whert it hurts (game cube taken away, no swimming that day or the next, no television, whatever they are into at the time). 

 

I don't see myself as a stern parent, but I will not allow my children to run all over me.  I also tend to pick and choose my battles.  If it's a question of dealing with right and wrong, I'm right there.  If it's an issue where they are messing with each other, I let them deal with it the best they can before I step in.

 
July 22, 2005, 7:07 pm CDT

Parenting Style

It is unfortunate today that the children in the family have taken over the roll of the parent.  As a teacher, I see that everyday.  In many, many households, the children rule the roost.  There is no discipline and if there is, it is usually negotiations and the children win.  It is extremely difficult when in a classroom, as we as teachers, have to change the role of who is the adult and who is the child.  Everyone is so keen on not hurting the child's feelings - that what punishment is all about.  They need to have their feelings hurt in order to learn.  It is a never ending battle - one that parents need to get a handle on.
 
July 22, 2005, 10:37 pm CDT

parenting with ADD

I hear constantly about parents having to be consistant in discipline for their children.

 

Thats well and good.  But try it when you have ADD.  The kids learn very quickly that they can wait you out.  In a hour you won't remember what you said and you probably won't remember why you said it.

 

My kids turned out great, thanks mostly to the fact that they have good souls and didn't take total advantage of their mom.  It could have been much worse.  I had great plans for being a great mother, it just didn't turn out that way. 

 

Now that I am past menopause, a few things seem easier (or I just don't care), but the things that are important, still, sometimes don't get done.

 

I have 2 parttime jobs because when I get bored I quit and this way the jobs stay interesting enough that I stay with them (keeping my fingers crossed).

 

So when you hear of a mother who misses meeting and isn't the perfect housewife, and doesn't seem to have it all together, it might be me>

 

lostmind83

 
July 23, 2005, 6:32 am CDT

1-2-3?

I have found an effective way of discplining my children, they are ages 6, 2 and 6 months. I reallize a child likes to have an impact on the world, whether it be throwing a rock into the creek, or throwing cheerios on the floor, or even getting on your last nerve with endless questions and demands!!! I have started applying aprogram called 1-2-3 magic and it has been a lifesaver. When a child is getting into things like my 2 year old loves to do, I just simply say, "That's 1", and if they continue I say, "That's 2" and if they make it to 3 then I say "take five", and then I send them to their room for 5 minutes. I don't say anything at all just start counting. The key is consistency, and showing no emotion. The program states that parents talk to children too much and to emotionally, they can't comprehend on an adult level, so why talk to them the way you would an adult? It has worked for me, and my 6 yr old now looks at me and rolls her eyes by the time I say "That's 1", You have to make sure you explain to your child that things are changing around your household, and be honest and tell them how you are going to handle things now (by counting). Another thing, when they come out of their room after 5 minutes, don't bring up what happened, it's over, they have a clean slate!!! It works for me, and my stress level has decreased tremendously!!! If you want a copy of the program, I can send it to you via e-mail: heathergatlin@hotmail.com
...Could work in some cases, I agree. When the child really tries to get on your nerves and insists on doing something over and over again. In other cases, i do not agree. My mother always tried to explain things, although she always did it in a way we could understand. And enough was enough. Boundaries were VERY clear and were meant not to be crossed. If they were, a penalty ensued IMMEDIATELY, no discussion. That is the parenting I grew up with, and it seems to have worked quite well. I got through childhood and puberty without major problems and still respect my parents and value their opinions. My daughter is 16 months and I plan to (try) raising her the same way... Adapting it to her personality. Hope it works and that she will have the same great bond with her parents as I still enjoy. Wish me luck?
 
July 23, 2005, 7:30 am CDT

Reply to wow!!!

I am not patronizing my child, I am getting my household back, my children need to know who is in charge, that is what is wrong with children today, they have no boundaries, and no authority. You have to set those boundaries for them as a parent. My six year old and I have a great relationship, but instead of treating her like my best friend, I treat her as a child who needs to be molded into an adult, being an adult comes with time and learning. It's not just something they get off the bat. The counting method is working and it has made my home more peaceful, and we all get along alot better. Not everyone will agree, but again what works for one person, may not work for another. This let's a child know that they have boundaries, and that they can't get there way all the time. I believe if you read over the program and understood it a little better, you would understand, but I live in a Christian home, and I truly believe that my children need authority, they will learn to appreciate it when they get older!!!
 
July 23, 2005, 7:41 am CDT

added comment

Children also learn by consistency, I'm not saying that everytime they open their mouth I start counting, but when I tell my child no, and they continue, then I start counting, it's like I said, parents do too much talking and not enough action, when you sit there and tell a child "quit doing that", "you always get on my nerves", "you don't understand like I do" that's exactly right, they don't understand, and you are falling prey to their tactics, one time they make you feel bad, and then they try to compromise the situation, and sometimes they just continuously harp on it until you give in, the fact is YOU ARE THE ADULT, I could see start counting as opposed to yelling screaming, cussing, and getting all stressed out!!! that's just me!!!
 
July 23, 2005, 9:01 am CDT

reply

I don't see giving a 6 year old the count of three as patronizing. I see it as giving him or her a warning that they are committing a foul tthat will punished should the act continue! I have three kids myself, two aged 8 and one who is 6. When they were younger, I used to tell them to stop then go to the count.... 1 was telling them to stop, 2 was getting up and going to where they were, and 3 was taking them by the hand and removing them from the scene of the crime and sitting them down for time out. But now, 1 is telling them to stop, if they continue I simply say "that's 2!", and 3 is their punishment, only it dioesn't consist of time out. They are old enough to get them whert it hurts (game cube taken away, no swimming that day or the next, no television, whatever they are into at the time).

I don't see myself as a stern parent, but I will not allow my children to run all over me. I also tend to pick and choose my battles. If it's a question of dealing with right and wrong, I'm right there. If it's an issue where they are messing with each other, I let them deal with it the best they can before I step in.

my parents would ground us girls which ever was in trouble from whatever she knew we like doing, didn't matter what we were in trouble for, and us girls have turned out fine.

 

Hoping to do about the same with my kids.

 
July 23, 2005, 9:27 am CDT

Your Parenting Style

I pick and choose my battles too, and I do explain to them on their level, but not at a time when I am enforcing authority, I chooose to explain to them when they ask or when we are having a casual conversation, I want to be able to bestill in my children values that they can bestill in their children as well. I'm not trying to sound like a bitter mother that treats their children like a nobody, I am just trying to get control over the house.

 
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