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Topic : My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Number of Replies: 164
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:18 pm
Author : dataimport
Other people's parenting can be a total nightmare. How do you cope? Share your stories.

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December 10, 2008, 12:56 pm CST

Here's some advice for you

Quote From: dearambellia21

 I am in need of advice. My 14 year old brother is getting into so much trouble after moving into my mother's home. He refuses to stay a full day of school, gets kicked out of school, and has even been arrested for theft. My mother buys him cigarettes and lets him drink. My father doesn't know what to do anymore he wants to move my brother back into his house but my mother is saying it is unfair and wants to go to court. She feels that we are calling her a bad mother because my sister and I agree with our father on this. I don't know how to handle my mother's rages anymore and I believe that my father is right how do I explain this to my mother and help set my brother back in place?

First off, where do you and your father live, and where does your mother live?  It doesn’t sound as if your mother is the proper candidate to raise your son, as she is obviously not doing a good job.  It is one thing if you push your teenager to grow up so fast by making them hold down a job and teach them how to cook and manage their money, etc., at an early age.  It is quite another if you are letting them drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes in your own home, as if think it is OK for them to do these things.  And how does she react and discipline your brother for not going to school full days, getting kicked out of school and stealing?  If the answer is “not much,” or if her rages are triggering your brother to act out of control, then it’s clear that she needs some serious professional help in improving her skills.

 

I will say this until the day I drop dead – you need to balance the concepts of parents and friend if you want the exact amount of respect you desire from your kids.  And your mother is going over the edge with the friend thing – not the best idea.

 

I suggest you and your father indeed take your brother in.  It will be definite that he will have issues, so I urge to be open with him, and encourage him to be open with you – no secrets.  Tell him that you know your having problems, and you know he probably misses his mother, but she does not have what is best for you in her mind.  Don’t judge him, don’t make threats and don’t be lectureous.  Then, insist that he go to school full time and hold down a good-paying part-time job.  And most of all, don’t speak ill of the mother to him, to give him any ideas.

 

As for the mother, I would definitely take her to court for custody, especially if that she wants.  Have you tried talking to her about your brother’s behaviour?  If not, I suggest you do; if you have, and she will not listen (and insist that there’s nothing with what she’s doing), then I would agree with HER (LOL) that legal action needs to be taken.  However, when you bring up all the boy’s behaviour problems when presenting your case, she should not be surprised if custody goes to you and your father.  Anyone with half a brain would read your story and agree that your father has the most stable environment.  I wish you the best of luck you may need.

 
June 14, 2009, 5:12 am CDT

Are we mean?

My sister thinks we are being mean to our 18 year old son.He just got his license about 4 months ago,we got him a car  with a deal that  he pays us half back for repairs when he gets a job.He got two tickets within a weeks time,one for speeding and one going through a red light.He doesn't have a job so we are making him sell his car to pay the fines,my husband is on unemployment I'm the only one working so we can't afford to help him.I feel bad but what can I do I hope we're doing the right thing.
 
July 10, 2009, 12:41 pm CDT

You're teaching him to be responsible

Quote From: slb1971

My sister thinks we are being mean to our 18 year old son.He just got his license about 4 months ago,we got him a car  with a deal that  he pays us half back for repairs when he gets a job.He got two tickets within a weeks time,one for speeding and one going through a red light.He doesn't have a job so we are making him sell his car to pay the fines,my husband is on unemployment I'm the only one working so we can't afford to help him.I feel bad but what can I do I hope we're doing the right thing.
       Every action in life has consequences. If he had hurt somebody when he oversped or went  through a traffic light, it would have been terrible. Also he needs to know that if he cannot afford to pay certain debt (the tickets, in this case), you won't be there all the time to help him.

   He will surely think twice before behaving recklessly when he gets to buy another car.
 
July 24, 2009, 1:34 pm CDT

OK HELP!

I'm 15. I have a 22-year-old cousin who has a 5-year-old daughter. I believe she's a good parent, being loving to my little cousin, and disciplining her when needed. The problem is that my aunt (little cousin's granma) always babys my her, so when her mom tries to dscipline her, my cousin runs her to her granma. I believe that's kind of saying "it doesn't matter what you're mom says, granma'll always support you even when you're being a brat." I believe it's taking away my cousin's authority over my little cousin. My cousin is a single parent (now in another relationship) and all of the women in my family have kind of a crappy past (depression can be passed-down), so I fear that in the future my little cousin won't ever listen her mom, and always run to her granma.

 

My mom and I agree on this 100%, but obviously I can't say anything to my aunt. My mom says it would be disrespectful to say anything to her. I don't know what to do, because when my cousin throws tantrums my granma always allows her to continue, as if praising her behaviour. Also, my little cousin has no manners and is always demanding things, while my aunt is meeting the demand. I really see a crappy future for  both my cousins.

 

Any advise from parents would be greatly appreciated.

 

P.S: I have recently discovered that my little cousin actually listens to me very well. She's obedient to me, and doesn't throw tantrums when I'm watching (most of the time). Because of this, I've concluded that the problem is my granma 100%, not my little cousin. Should I try to 'influence' my cousin, or should I just mind my own business?

 
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