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Topic : 05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Number of Replies: 299
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Created on : Thursday, April 27, 2006, 07:13:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re slapped, beaten and bruised. Sometimes, the violence doesn’t end until they’re dead. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they are the victims of abuse and need an intervention before it’s too late. Michelle says her boyfriend, Ryan, flies off the handle over the smallest issues. She reveals that he began hitting her when she was pregnant with their son. Ryan says he can’t control his anger because his own dad was abusive with him as a child. Is it too late for Ryan to change? Then, Linda says her fiancé, Eddie, shot her in the eye and nearly killed her when she threatened to leave him. He’s now serving only four years in prison because, Linda says, she lied to the police and called the shooting accidental. Her mom, Jody, says she’s sickened that Linda still cares for the man who almost took her life. Will Linda stop loving the man who shot her and learn how to have healthy relationships? Talk about the show here.

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April 29, 2006, 6:46 am CDT

LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT!!!!!

Ladies, I was in your shoes 15 years ago.   My husband was both physically and emothionaly abusive.  When I did get a moment of bravery he would tear me down by telling me how fat and ugly I was; and how no man would ever want me because no other man would want a woman with a small child. (my son was 2 at the time)  The day I left there was not a spot on my body that was not black and blue.  As he was shouting his usual insults at me about how nobody but him would ever put up with me, something inside me snapped.  I realized I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than 1 more second with him.   I did have second thoughts a few weeks later when I realized my little boy and I were truly alone, and then my son chimbed up on my lap and started touching my face, telling me all the places were "daddy put boo boos on your face, mommy".  I never looked back, and 3 years ago I again prooved my ex wrong when I married a wonderful man who takes great care of both me and my son.  Please ladies get out now before you have to be carried out by the medical examiner.
 
April 29, 2006, 10:05 am CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: princess1

Ladies, I was in your shoes 15 years ago.   My husband was both physically and emothionaly abusive.  When I did get a moment of bravery he would tear me down by telling me how fat and ugly I was; and how no man would ever want me because no other man would want a woman with a small child. (my son was 2 at the time)  The day I left there was not a spot on my body that was not black and blue.  As he was shouting his usual insults at me about how nobody but him would ever put up with me, something inside me snapped.  I realized I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than 1 more second with him.   I did have second thoughts a few weeks later when I realized my little boy and I were truly alone, and then my son chimbed up on my lap and started touching my face, telling me all the places were "daddy put boo boos on your face, mommy".  I never looked back, and 3 years ago I again prooved my ex wrong when I married a wonderful man who takes great care of both me and my son.  Please ladies get out now before you have to be carried out by the medical examiner.
God bless you for having the courage to do the right thing, for yourself and your son!  I am very proud of you, and so happy to know you found a wonderful man.  Best wishes.
 
May 1, 2006, 5:40 pm CDT

Love is twisted sometimes

We all can be abusive in a lot of ways, but true, real love is to forgive and choose to work on it or move on. I've been in the position several times of abuse, but it always comes to a point where you tolerate what's past and work on what is, or you leave it alone and go. Nobody except the two involved can decide what to do. But if I had been shot in the face or brutally massacred, I agree that is inhumane and there is way too much evil to reckon with on a daily basis. Women tell themselves, "If I could just love him enough, or do this or do that then..." It's up to the man to help himself and for us women to be aware of what is acceptable and what isn't in life. Some people can change, however, when it gets to a point of him "blacking out" or not being able to stop himself, it will most likely happen again when he is triggered to violence. Men are far from perfect and women are too. But it's about what is right in the end, and it just isn't right for a man to be allowed to be with a woman he shot in the face. He lost that right when he did wrong. Recently in the local news in my area, a man beat his girlfriend and threw a microwave oven at her and killed her because she refused to make him a hoagie and told him to do it himself. Afterwards, he pathetically attempted to get help from a few people who weren't home, then retired to the basement to drink a beer. I beg the lady who was shot- don't let this mentally unstable man take your life, he don't deserve it and you don't deserve to die, you have so much more to do in this world if you refocus your priorities. God bless you and Good luck.
 
May 2, 2006, 5:07 pm CDT

This is not love.

This is not Love on either side.   

  

If someone is beating hurting you and you are afraid of the person what you feel for that person can't be love.   

  

If you have to control someone then you can't love them.   

  

Love and Fear do not live in the same house ever.   

  

If you don't understand that then you probably don't know what it is really liked to be loved or to love another. 

 
May 3, 2006, 7:47 am CDT

05/04 Violent Love Intervention

Quote From: rtrouble

We all can be abusive in a lot of ways, but true, real love is to forgive and choose to work on it or move on. I've been in the position several times of abuse, but it always comes to a point where you tolerate what's past and work on what is, or you leave it alone and go. Nobody except the two involved can decide what to do. But if I had been shot in the face or brutally massacred, I agree that is inhumane and there is way too much evil to reckon with on a daily basis. Women tell themselves, "If I could just love him enough, or do this or do that then..." It's up to the man to help himself and for us women to be aware of what is acceptable and what isn't in life. Some people can change, however, when it gets to a point of him "blacking out" or not being able to stop himself, it will most likely happen again when he is triggered to violence. Men are far from perfect and women are too. But it's about what is right in the end, and it just isn't right for a man to be allowed to be with a woman he shot in the face. He lost that right when he did wrong. Recently in the local news in my area, a man beat his girlfriend and threw a microwave oven at her and killed her because she refused to make him a hoagie and told him to do it himself. Afterwards, he pathetically attempted to get help from a few people who weren't home, then retired to the basement to drink a beer. I beg the lady who was shot- don't let this mentally unstable man take your life, he don't deserve it and you don't deserve to die, you have so much more to do in this world if you refocus your priorities. God bless you and Good luck.

Men who beat and verbally abuse women ARE COWARDS with serious issues obviously.  Women who put up with this, have no self esteem at all which is really sad.  If you don't love and respect yourself nobody else will. 

  

Best thing to do is TO LEAVE the first time it happens.  But not before you get their lame asses in jail. 

 
May 3, 2006, 7:54 am CDT

Linda Get Help Now

You need to grow some dignity and self respect and get some serious counseling here!  Learn how to love yourself because this creep certainly doesn't.  Otherwise you will find yourself in a coffin, six feet under.  God forbid you should have children and have them exposed to this type of "love".  God help you.
 
May 3, 2006, 10:32 am CDT

Give me strength.

 
May 3, 2006, 10:54 am CDT

you have to be careful who u date

It is such a sad thing to be caught up in an abusive relationship.. I was in one about 2 years ago for about 1 year... I had no signs that this person was abusive when i first met him.. he was sooo nice to me and he was soooo nice to his friends then when our relationship became more serious.. then it started.. it just started with little things .. like if u keep smoking then i am going to have to break up with you.. now mind u i asked this person when things weren't so serious if he minded people who smoked.. (i am very upfront and honest.). he said no.. (Ricky if u ever read this you are such an idiot) so we are a month in to the relationship and he woudl take my cigarettes adn hide them when i bought them.. and it wasn't too long after that .that he became physical..pushing me grabbing me and leaving fingerprints on my arms which would turn into bruises. i was never in a situation where somebody i loved was physically hurting me.. this guy was trying to control every aspect of my life.. i had jaw surgery and he grabbed my jaw and held me down and told me i was going to listen to him he also threw my medication out the door..the sad thing was even though i had bruises all over me i didn't know what to do..abusers get u into a state where u feel like nobody else will love u ..its messed up...people at work saw my bruises told me everday to leave.. which i did but then the manipulation would start where he would be so nice and loving to rope me back in.. i was on a yoyo..this is why its so hard for women to leave..it took him getting arrested for me to see..but by this time i was getting very tired of course and realized this guy is a moron i want to be with my friends..once i did that i met the love of my life who treats me like a princess..so to all women in abusive relationships...although its hard u have to leave there are more loving and caring human beings out there.. u just have to give it time.  hang in there
 
May 3, 2006, 11:39 am CDT

I have been there

I got married in 2000. I had known my husband since we were children. A week before we got married he choked me and I told myself that it was just because he was stressed about the wedding.  

  

Through out the marriage the violence progressed. While I was pregnant with our son, he pushed me into a wall and then kicked me over and over while I was stuck between the wall and the floor. This caused me to go into pre-mature labor. I was in pre-mature labor from 22 weeks until 35 weeks when my water broke and they could not do anything further to stop it. 

  

My son was born with some breathing problems from being born early. When he was sent home from the hospital he was put on an apnea moniter because he would stop breathing at times. 

  

One day, after my son had been home for a few weeks, just an ordinary day, I got him ready for work, made him breakfast and packed his lunch. The day was seeming to go off without a hitch. My husband came home from lunch saying he didnt want a packed lunch and wondered why I didn't have anything else prepared for him. He left mad and continued to call and yell at me through out the afternoon.  

  

When he arrived home from work I was holding our son feeding him in a chair. He told me to get out of "his" house. I said ok. My friend Brenda had started staying with us just a few days before so since I was still sore from my c-section and I was feeding our son I asked her to get his car seat. My husband said "You're not taking him." He then tried to reach to get him away from me. I placed my arms around my son in a way that he could not touch him, just because I knew he didn't know his own strength when he was angry, and could not take the risk of him hurting our child. He grabbed and empty bottle of Parrot Bay Rum that we had on display in a glass cabnet. He kicked  me in my right ankle with his steel toed boot, hit me in the left knee with the bottle, then kicked me in my right ankle again. He then cut the phone cord to the phone. 

  

The next day when he left for work I got my mother to come help me get the hospital. My left knee was broken in three places. I filed for an order of protection, and then filed for divorce a week later. 

  

My exhusband just didn't have control when he was angry and I had been ok with risking myself but I could not handle the thought of him hurting my son. 

  

We have been divorced for a few years now. My ex is on meds and sees a psychologist on a monthly basis. He is a wonderful father to our son, and we get along very well as divorced parents. Now and again I find myself thinking "Now he is the man I loved again. Maybe we should try it again." I never will though. I can not risk doing that to my son. 

 
May 3, 2006, 1:23 pm CDT

Unbelievable

I 'm one of the 911 dispatchers that took several calls the night Linda was shot and spoke to her "loving" fiance. The 911 calls/tapes are very chilling. I can't believe that she lied to the deputies to cover up for him after loosing her eye, but unfortunately it happens all the time.
 
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