Topic : Infertility

I have desired a child for some time now. My husband claims he does but is ok with just the two of us. As blessed that makes me to know i have a husband who will love me no matter what, i still feel my needs are neglected. Does anyone have any advice how to overcome this. He's made promises before and never follows thru. I guess i should explain a little more. We've tried for over 7 years now and nothing. Nobody seems to be able to give us any reason. I sought fertility treatment. He argued with me about going and never showed up. I was crushed!!! We both believe in GOD and he uses that. I'm so torn. How long do I go on like this? Most of all those who don't want children it comes so natural to them. Don't get me wrong children are a blessing in every way. But i go thru so many people who don't want them, never intended of getting pregnant and bam, they have a new baby. I even congrats someone and told them I was happy for them she said " Don't be" It hurts so bad!

 It looks like tubal reversals are 5-6000 dollars. There is one center I found on internet that says 5600 all inclusive if you pay before you schedule the procedure. The pregnancy rates look great too. If you look it up on google under infertility tubal reversal you will get a list of pages to browse. That clinic even would set up an account for you to put money into until you had enough for the procedure.

I hope you can get going on this. I know how difficult it can be. The cost seems on the more reasonable end for fertility treatment. I know IVF drugs alone could cost us that much.

Good luck, may you be blessed

Kim

 Obviously, I think we all desire a child with our spouse because we want a family, not just a baby. I don't know how I would handle your situation except making sure my spouse completely understood my feelings and desires on the matter. You have got to make sure you are clear about this yourself first. !00%. You need to confront yourself, Is this a dealbreaker? If he doesn't want to, then what would your response be? When you know, you've got to make it a real conversation. If it's something you want resolved, then make it clear it has to be resolved and be honest about how you will feel about the choices in resolution. Ask for why his reasoning makes him make it so difficult for you to get treatment. Tell him how he is sabotaging you by breaking the appointment, and tell him that is unnacceptable. You guys have to come to an agreement. Lay your cards on the table. Be honest above all. This is your relationship and there is no need to try to manipulate it or hold back the way you really feel.

I think all men and women are afraid sometimes. Men may not want to go for treatment because they suspect it may be related to them. I'm sure they feel just like we do in that they may feel their masculinity lessened by a test that may tell them they are "shooting blanks". Sometimes we as women neglect to take into account their fears. Maybe you should make it clear that it doesn't matter what is causing it. You should definitely make clear your feelings on how important it is to seek a solution to this. About the religion thing, what are your feelings? Maybe you should hold a sort of debate on that. I know that I don't feel ivf is immoral. Does your husband? I know most churches have adopted liberal stances on this issue. That might be something to explore.

Whatever happens, the first important thing right now is resolving the relationship issues that exist now in this marriage.  I don't believe you want to bring a child into a divorce. It is up to you if you decide to have a child as a single person, but it's up to both of you to have a child in your marriage.

I'm a little surprised that you guys have been married 7 years and haven't resolved this yet. It's not a small issue by any means in a marriage. That's at the top of the list of things to talk about before you get married.

I wish you the best of luck. I can't imagine your frustration over this and the heartache and stress it must be putting on your relationship. I can only imagine that you probably really need a hug.

Kim

I have all these thoughts and dreams on how to build our lives and family. I feel he just sits back and takes it stride. I hate to report but things aren't getting any better. I love him and can't imagine life without him. We fight all the time. My resentment has grown worse. He believes that if you keep bringing things up your holding grudges. I believe you need to settle things or they'll always be there.    

     

I went to church for the first time in a long time. I want a change. My faith is almost gone. I have almost let this destroy me. These feelings are so strong for a child. What doesn't make a lot of sense is, I have 4 sisters all have children and had no trouble conceiving. My husband has 1 brother who has been able to get his girlfriend pregnant 5 times. They only have 2 children 3 were miscarriages. She's a diabetic and it's been very dangerous for her. As a matter of fact the their second one was just born 1 week ago. She ask me to sit in, she had a c- section. I don't know if I should have. Although I handle it better than I thought I would. It was so beautiful to watch a life be brought into this world, and it's amazing just how much you can love them without knowing them. I want a child so bad.     

I do want to thank you for responding. It's nice to know someone some what understands. You don't go 7 years without resolving something. Did I mention I'll be 30 in a short while. I have done my research. And when a woman has never conceived by the age of 30 the risk are higher. From ovarian cancer to birth defects. I'm thinking that maybe after all this we'll never get on the same page. And my hopes and dreams having a family with this man will never happen. I feel those around me think I make it worse. But they don't know the hell I wake up to each and every day wondering if I'll ever have children.    

 I am so sorry. I'm sorry, because I've been there and I feel like I should know the right words. I feel like I should have the answer that will help put your fears at ease.

I'm not sure what the right words are. You aren't alone. I know they don't have a chapter in my area, but have you looked at resolve. I just think that it will help to talk to people who understand what you are feeling. Those emotions are so overpowering. I think you need someone in your life who will understand the pain you are feeling and the difficult situation you are in and unable to resolve in some way.  That is the hardest part of infertility, the fact that it leaves some people unable to bring resolution to it and all those emotions that come with it.

I can tell you, I know how wonderful it is to see a new baby, to watch a mother pick up a child to soothe them. I know all those feelings you get when you pick up a child and hold them. I also know from our standpoint the grief that comes almost as quick as the joy. I know what it's like to have to get away to hide tears that others might not understand. Those tears that betray your weakness of emotions. I know how hard it is. I also know how difficult it is to have to stand by while time marches on so quickly, to know that time is your enemy and the bastard is winning. I am soon-to-be 35 and it does prey on my mind. I know. I know how my heart breaks every time one of my terrificly fertile sister-in-laws tells me how much their children look like my husband. I know how to gracefully bow out of a room with a smile after my FIL asks when we are going to, just before I start bawling. It is so difficult to deal with those who are dismissive as if I can't wear red socks and those who tip-toe around it like I am not allowed to discuss children or anything mother or child related. It is incredibly difficult. Sometimes you want to cry, sometimes scream. What you really want is just to hold the fragile hand of a child and know this is someone who will be whole and bright because you love them. And yes, I know you are already in love with that mythical child, who is red-headed or has jet curls of ebony, who is fair or dark, girl or boy, who climbs trees or cries when they get dirty. I know how much of your heart is there already. I am sorry that I can't look you in the eye and tell you that I know your pain and feel it like it is my own.

I hope for you, as I do for everyone like us, that your dreams will come true. It's my fondest hope that this will be something that the future changes for all. I know the children who are so wanted that may never be. The world is missing something wonderful. What could be more beautiful than the heart of a mother and a child who is loved.

I hope your days will see alot of happiness to cover the blues you are feeling. My most humble regrets that I can't do more to ease your pain.

Kim

The last time i wrote here was almost 3 years ago.. 

i had just miscarried 8 weeks into my pregnancy after having tried for a baby for 18 months, 

since then i´ve been trying like crazy ( I say I´ve been trying cuz my boyfriend doesnt seem botherd by the fact that nothings happening ) for another.. 

Must admit though, i havnt quit smoking and i havent lost the weight ( i´m not that big but it couldnt hurt right ? ) 

I´m turning 24 soon and i feel like time is running out...not that i´m old but these past years just flew by as i suspect the next few years will.. 

2 day i got my period, and once again was devistated .. every month i manage to convince myself that , this is THE month ! and it never is... 

  

i live in sweden and getting help with this is gonna take 4-ever.. i would have to go see whom ever it may be at the hospital and sign papers that say i´m trying to get preg. then wait for 18 months, if i´m not still preg after 18 months i might get help.. 

it´s not supposed to be this hard, i feel like such a loser. 

I´m at that age when everyone around me is getting pregnant... ppl ask us all the time : you´ve been together for ages .. when are you gonna start having kids ? And i never know what to say.. 

Oh well ...that was my update.. hope you guys are having more luck than me ;- ) 

  

First I want to say, "Stop being so hard on yourself." I do understand some of what you are going through as my hubby and I never thought that we would ever be able to have children of our own, due to hubby having a Zero Sperm Count. He had been told many years ago that it would be very unlikely that he would ever be able to father any children of his own. 

 

Well we got many nearly 14 years ago and more or less not long after we got back from the Honeymoon, people started asking us, "Where are you going have children?" Well we would say, "When we are good and ready to." But also we would say to those that knew of hubby's problem, "If it happens, it happens if it doesn't then it's not the end of the world. We didn't get married just to have children, we got married because we loved each other enough that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together." This would normally shut people up and they would in the end stop asking. 

 

When the time came that we did want to start a family of course nothing happened. We were trying very hard as well. It was like when it got to day 12,14,16,18 that was when we were trying and nothing happened other than we lost interest in trying as we were not enjoying ourselves anymore. So we did what alot people that knew us said to us, "Stop trying." So we did and just got on with our lives. We thought that if it was going happen then it would, but if we were meant to just be the two of us then that would be ok as well. 

 

Well one day out of the blue, we found out that we were pregnant and now we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, Stephanie. She is our Beautiful Gift from God and we are just so thankful to God for her. 

 

All I can say to you is stop trying so hard and just go back to making love with your boyfriend.  Take the stress off trying to become pregnant. Yes, I know that you would dearly like to have a child, but please just listen to what I've written here and take things a day at a time. Maybe one reason for your boyfriend's lack of interest is that maybe he has had enough of the trying too hard, maybe as I just said you both need to stop trying and go back to enjoying each other. 

 

I do wish you and your boyfriend all the best and please TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY. 

Hi I have not written in this message board lately, but I can relate to some of you. My husband and I have been married for 1 year, we have been trying to have a baby since December of 03, and we still are not having any luck. We went to our doctor and they ran tests on my husband, but luckily everything came back okay with him. They later found out after running test on me that it was me who can not help in this situation. They found out that I am insulin resistant and that this causes infrertility. So we have went through two doses of fertility medicine and still nothing has happened. Of course we both want childeren so bad, and i think he gets down just as much as i do when that pregnancy test says negitive. I know they say when you least expect it will happen, but i have a question ladies, how come these women and girls who don't care if they have kids or not, are the ones having all these babies, and women like us who would be good mothers can not have babies. It just does not make sense to me...if anyone out there can help me ease my mind and help me get some hope back into my life i am up for suggestions. Thank you, 

  

  

Angie 

Hello, 

  

My partner and I have been trying for a year.  I did get pregnant back in November,  but miscarried 8 weeks later.  Still no success...but I'm hopeful.  I now have been told by my doctor that we will have to do invitro.  My ovaries and follicles are good and my uterus is good,  but my doctor thinks the problem is in my tubes (even though my HSG came back negative),  he also is checking my antibodies to see if they are killing the sperm or the embryo(s).   I'm taking some time off now to relax and enjoy myself,  my partner,  my new job,  and building a new home.  I'm 36 and feel like my biological clock is ticking,  but I know it is time to relax and have some fun.  We will start trying again after the Christmas holidays.  Good luck to you all and never give up...we're not. 

  

Kileen