Hi Kileen and to all the women experiencing the heartache of infertility,
I feel your pain and I truly know what you are going through. I am 37 years old and my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 4 years. It has been a long journey for us and we have literally tried everything to become parents. I too miscarried almost 3 years ago at 17 weeks; I was to have a boy.. My sorrow still exists, and I still dream and think about the what if!!!! Even though, I know it's still OK to grieve and mourn my loss. I have learned to rationalize my thoughts better because it can consume your life, your psyche and your marriage. What is important, is to stay strong and focused about your future decisions and options of continuing your plight to become parents.
It may be hard to see a bright future now, but as long as there are options and hope, your dream of having a child will come true. (I know, coming from a woman who has been trying for over 4 years, right!!!!) Yes, it's been a long time "waiting" for me and hearing this advise after trying a year may sound to you, not very promising or reassuring but it can be. Just knowing that you're not alone and that there are women out there who feel your sorrow and are rooting for you!!!
I remember when I started infertility treatments; I would go to my clinic, which unfortunately, is like a huge factory. I'd sit there with my head down emerged in reading a magazine because I did not wish to acknowledge that I was in the same situation as all these other women around me. God for bid, I accept my problem, that I too share their shoes. I guess you could say, I was sort of in denial. It took a long time for me to realize how important it is to talk about my infertility and to reach out for support. Not only can it be a way of healing from the pain, the sadness and the sense of failure we've all felt. It can also be a valuable asset for future treatments and other family options such as adoption.
Having resources, tools and the support of other infertile women has really helped me to cope with the many difficulties and roadblocks I have encountered through my journey of having a baby... I have learned so much about myself and infertility. This is a real problem for women today; too many women are going through the same thing as us. This issue is so personal and private and we are all so vulnerable!!!
Since my miscarriage, I have had many more infertility treatments, a failed adoption and I'm still in the game. Believe me, I have had many emotional breakdowns where I thought about giving up. However, each time I came to this conclusion, I'd fight it, pick myself back up again, and find the strength to go on.. Thankfully, my emotional outbursts have been reduced to a minimum.
I guess the point I am trying make in short, ( yeah right ) is that don't give up!! learn all you can about your infertility and research all the information that's available to you and your particular problem. Ask your doctor as many questions as you wish, because if he or she is good, than they will answer you happily... Again, support can be a great asset not just emotionally; it is also extremely informative about ART. I have truly met and spoken with so many wonderful and amazing women that have been through so much and yet, through their struggles, became successful in having a baby!!!!! I know someday soon, my story will have a happy ending too..
Reaching out for support can be a slow process. After all, this is a delicate issue to discuss and so you need to feel ready... I'm even surprised that there are so few messages on this topic. Although, maybe its because I am a new member and I'm just not aware of past messages ..
Just know, all you strong women out there, that I'm rooting for you and if I can be of any help what so ever please reply!! I am more than happy to share my knowledge and experiences of infertility/adoption with you or if you rather, just simply listen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yours truly,
Karen
