Quote From: benjione I have been remarried for almost two years now and have experienced a whole lot of emotionally draining issues with my spouse. He is very stubborn and whenever we argue, I find that I am the one ending up saying I'm sorry and that he is right for feeling the way he does. I have a nine year old son from a previous marriage who is a great kid and loves his new home and step dad. He is your typical kid who you have to constantly repeat things two to three times and he fibs about little things once in a while. He is great in school and is full of life. My husband however, feels that he doesn't listen and his head is in the clouds most of the time. In the past he has called him dumb and stupid and I told him repeatedly that his is not right to call him names is destructive to his self esteem! He said if that is what he is then that is what he is! I completely disagree. I asked if he really cares about him and he said of course he does. He cares that he is a good boy and listens and wants a good future for him. He doesn't seem to understand that his behavior is pushing our son away instead of closer. We have a 15 month child together and the most recent incident was when he fell in the yard and got hurt while our oldest was playing with him. My husband was in the backyard working while this all happened and said that Chris left kyle to get a toy and didn't tell him. The result was Kyle got hurt and Chris was sent to his room for one week! I thought that the punishment was too harsh and that Chris new that he did wrong by leaving his brother alone. My husband did not talk to me before he decided on the punishment and said he did not want to speak with Chris or see him when he gets home from work. We had an evening science fair two days later and he refused to give him permission to go even though it meant getting a lower grade in school. I could not stand to see that happen and took Chris to his science fair. My husband was furious and said I created the problem and because of that he will continue to not speak to our son. It is now a week and a half and that little boy says hello and good morning with no response from his step dad. HELP!!!!
The other draining issue is that one year ago My husband and I had a huge argument with my family, mainly about him and our relationship has been severed. Chris, our son, was practically raised by my parents and now does not get to see them. I have begged my husband to mend the relationship and he refuses. He says that I am free to see my parents but if I do I could pack my bags with Chris and Kyle stays with him. How could I do that??? I could not see my kids torn apart. I think of parents who are in there 70's everyday and pray that something will give. They want to put the past behind but my husband refuses and will not have anything to do with them. He said they are not allowed to contact us or visit our home. I was so close to my parents, it's like someone ripped half my heart out. My parents say that I need to open my eyes for my sake and Chris's who is at such an impressionable age and misses his grandparents. I tell my husband carefully how I feel in fear if my Dad or Mom dies I couldn't live without having peace. He argues that I don't stand by him and back him up like I should and that is the chance I will take - but I hope you will not resent me for it.
If you truly love someone...wouldn't you want to make them happy?????
So many behaviors here in your post describe emotional and verbal abuse.
More than just red flags. He is controlling and abusing you and your children.
Chris is your child...and you are the one that needs to discipline him...and in a reasonable healthy fashion. Thank heavens you stood up for what was right and took Chris to the mandatory school science fair. Even if it was not mandatory, he should have been there, too.
Sounds like the father was not watching the children...its not the young man's job to parent or babysit the younger child. Ostracizing the 9 year old and not speaking or acknowledging him is a form of abuse....emotional abuse and it is unacceptable.
How can you stand by and allow this to happen to an innocent child.
Your husband is abusing the young child and you.
This deal with your parents....I see that as your husbands control at work and he also is ISOLATING YOU FROM A SUPPORT SOURCE AND LOVED ONES....You need to go to see your parents and not allow your husband to prevent you and the grandchildren from seeing and having time with them....YOUR HUSBAND IS ISOLATING YOU FROM FAMILY.....another abuse tactic of Controlling and Abusive Men. DON'T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN ......THIS WILL GET WORSE..
YOUR HUSBAND IS THREATENING YOU WITH LOSING YOUR YOUNGEST CHILD...another abuse tactic and a way to keep you SCARED and UNDER HIS CONTROL AND ABUSE.
If you go see your parents he will punish you. WHAT AN ABUSER AND A BULLY.
You need to take a stand....you have rights as a human being......you have the right to see your parents and any other family or friends that you choose.
You have the right to take both kids to see their grandparents.....and you have the right to go without any abuse or control standing in the way.
YOUR HUSBAND IS CONTROLLING AND ABUSING YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR FAMILY....can't you see that?????? He is isolating you.
He is abusing you daily with his tactics and antics. HE IS CONTROLLING AND ABUSIVE.
He is doing all this intensionally so that you are easier to abuse and control.....you are allowing him to imprison you......he controls and abuses. He is breaking your heart, your spirit, and you are questioning what you know is true. You even apologize when you have done nothing wrong.
You were close to your parents and that's why he is doing this to keep you to himself.....he will continue to close your world while he tears you down....breaks your spirit.
You are "walking on eggshells" with this guy instead of doing what is right for you, your children and your parents.
You allow him to control and abuse you through fear.and his bullying.
Why should you stand by an abuser, a bully, or a controlling guy as he destroys things one person at a time.
None of his actions are coming from a place of love........he is abusing and controlling everyone...and you are allowing it to happen.
Do you know someone who turns your stomach or makes you cringe the minute they walk into the room? If so, Dr. Phil has advice for managing toxic relationships. Janet left her husband, Mark, on 10 separate occasions in their first year of marriage. She says she’s tired of being his maid and concubine, and of putting up with his lying, and his selfish and unsympathetic ways. Mark thinks Janet needs to get over her deep-seated issues. Why does she keep tolerating his behavior, and is he the only one at fault? Then, Gay and MG say their lives are being torn apart by their daughter, Summer’s, hostility and abuse. They say she lies about illnesses, verbally attacks them and blames them for her chaotic lifestyle. Summer feels betrayed by her parents and even accuses them of taking away her child. Find out Gay’s ultimatum to Summer and share your thoughts here.
