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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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August 9, 2005, 7:38 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?
 
August 21, 2005, 7:54 pm CDT

why is it crazy?

Quote From: joymomma

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?

If you can love and take care of (more than just finacially) that many children and you want more than why stop...  

   

I know i don't know you or your situation but it kinda sounds like the only reason you are thinking about not having anymore kids is because you are afriad of what other people will think.  in my opinion, it's never a good idea to make decisions based on what is popular.  

   

You and your hubby sound like great parents and that is what matters.  You are free to have as many kids as you want, regardless of who thinks it's crazy.  I'm sure those people would never consult you before they decided how many kids to have ;)  

   

   

 
September 24, 2005, 3:39 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: joymomma

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?
 Have you thought of other options? Especially because you specifically want a boy - I would consider adoption if that is available at your age (sorry - but I'm not sure).  My sis & her hubby wanted a little girl so badly & they had some complications during her pregnancies, so they adopted from foster care a 1 yr old little girl & it's been great for our entire family.  She is awesome & they couldn't be happier with that choice.  She's now 3 & fantastic & we are all better for having her with us.  Just a thought - because as you well know - you could 3 more & still no girls.  I think it's great to have another if you just want another, but I also know from personal experience that it can be a bit hard at times to be the daughter your father wasn't hoping for.....
 
October 2, 2005, 8:00 am CDT

pregnant when tired?

My name is Eva. I'm 27 years old and I live in the east of the Netherlands. One month ago, my mother, who has been ill for 10 years, passed away. I have taken care of her for that long period of time, because my family lives abroad and my father isn't in the picture anymore. My mother was a wonderful, sweet person, and the idea that she won't see my baby anymore, and that she won't be able to attend to my wedding, is killing me. Because of my mother's illness, I haven't had a lot of time to spend on my own life. I wouldn't have want to miss anything, but taking care of somebody on your own for a long period of time is very tiring. Even though I have completed two studies, but because of the stress, I still haven't been able to do somthing good with them. Now I live with an extrodinary man, who is going to be my husband in a month. I'm glad I have him, because since my mother died, I finally have the opportunity to feel how tired I am. My doctor even says I am burned out. My fiance gives me a lot of strength and power.We want to have children, badly, and for a long time now. We don't want children to hide my problem but because we feel that we are ready for them. My question is if it would be wise to get pregnant right now, or wether we should wait until I am feel a bit better. I think having a child would give me a new kind of energy. It would also be my (our) first decision of my own. It is MY first wish to come true. My fiance and I have seriously tlked about having children for a long time, about our future plans and how to raise them. We have the feeling that all the important questions are covered. We should be a good team as being parents.I want to live finally! I feel that my moarning process is going slowly but steadily, and I feel that I will be allright in the end. But I need wonderful plans for the future. I finally have the idea that I have a future. Please give advice or just your thoughts on this problem.Eva
 
October 2, 2005, 10:22 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: beck12

 Have you thought of other options? Especially because you specifically want a boy - I would consider adoption if that is available at your age (sorry - but I'm not sure).  My sis & her hubby wanted a little girl so badly & they had some complications during her pregnancies, so they adopted from foster care a 1 yr old little girl & it's been great for our entire family.  She is awesome & they couldn't be happier with that choice.  She's now 3 & fantastic & we are all better for having her with us.  Just a thought - because as you well know - you could 3 more & still no girls.  I think it's great to have another if you just want another, but I also know from personal experience that it can be a bit hard at times to be the daughter your father wasn't hoping for.....
 
October 4, 2005, 4:49 pm CDT

Ready for a baby?

My husband an I have been together for four and a half years, married for two and a half.  He has been ready to have a baby forever, but I am not so sure I am ready.  Don't get me wrong, I really want children.  I am just worried that I will be a horrible mother.   

  

I don't have a lot of "maternal insticts".  I am worried that I won't know when the baby needs changed, or I won't feed it enough, or I won't hold it right, or feed it the right foods.  My husband says that all of this is normal, but I don't know.  I was never around a lot of babies growing up (I'm an only child) and to this day I have only ever even held one newborn, much less took care of one.  

  

Are my fears normal?  Should we have children?  Will everything fall into place?  Or should I hold off ...   

 
October 4, 2005, 6:28 pm CDT

DEAR KITTENCAT...

Quote From: kittencat

My husband an I have been together for four and a half years, married for two and a half.  He has been ready to have a baby forever, but I am not so sure I am ready.  Don't get me wrong, I really want children.  I am just worried that I will be a horrible mother.   

  

I don't have a lot of "maternal insticts".  I am worried that I won't know when the baby needs changed, or I won't feed it enough, or I won't hold it right, or feed it the right foods.  My husband says that all of this is normal, but I don't know.  I was never around a lot of babies growing up (I'm an only child) and to this day I have only ever even held one newborn, much less took care of one.  

  

Are my fears normal?  Should we have children?  Will everything fall into place?  Or should I hold off ...   

Yes, your fears are very normal, believe me. I'm a first time Mum, my daughter Stephanie is now 3 years old and I'm still learning day to day about motherhood. I don't think you ever stop learning about being a Mum. 

 

I remember when my hubby and I found out that we were pregnant we were both so very happy but shocked as well. As we didn't know what was ahead of us of course being first time parents. We were both so scared of not being good enough for our baby and not being able to take good care of her or him. 

 

Then the day came that Stephanie was born and from that moment on yes our lives had changed forever and yes we were scared big time as we didn't know if we were going to be good parents or not, but as each thing came up like feeding Stephanie we just did it or changing her messy nappy we just did it or even when it came time to bath her we just did it. It all seems to just come to you somehow from somewhere in the back of your mind. 

 

One thing my hubby said to me about 3 weeks after Stephanie was born was, "Until Stephanie came along I had never fed a baby, or changed a dirty nappy or even bathed a baby." 

 

Well you wouldn't have known that cause to me, Mark was a natural at it, he just seemed to know how to do these things. 

 

So all I can say is that your fears are quite normal and you're not the only one who thinks like this, most first time Mum's all think and feel the same way as you do. 

 

I hope this has helped you in some small way, please TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY. 

 
October 8, 2005, 2:52 am CDT

Who Would Want Me As Their MOTHER ??

 

 

 

On my good days I can be the most loving, caring, giving and nurturing person.  I can be your best friend, your psychologist, your confidant... you get the picture.  On my bad days I can be the most irritating, snappy, emotional, angry, selfish, evil person who needs a psychologist. 

  

 

The problem is I never know which one is going to show up.  I am 28 years old now and I think I want to have children on my good days but on my bad I am happy that I don't have children so I can't screw up their lives.  I have more good days then bad... but the bad days scare me.  I do not have a good relationship with my mother and I don't want my children to not like me or hate me or have my bad days mentally effect my children for the rest of their lives. 

  

So my question is, If I know all this going in should I have children?  Who would want me as their Mother? 

 
October 23, 2005, 2:36 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: pumpkinj

 

 

 

On my good days I can be the most loving, caring, giving and nurturing person.  I can be your best friend, your psychologist, your confidant... you get the picture.  On my bad days I can be the most irritating, snappy, emotional, angry, selfish, evil person who needs a psychologist. 

  

 

The problem is I never know which one is going to show up.  I am 28 years old now and I think I want to have children on my good days but on my bad I am happy that I don't have children so I can't screw up their lives.  I have more good days then bad... but the bad days scare me.  I do not have a good relationship with my mother and I don't want my children to not like me or hate me or have my bad days mentally effect my children for the rest of their lives. 

  

So my question is, If I know all this going in should I have children?  Who would want me as their Mother? 

Wow, you sound just like me!  I am 26 and had bi-polar now since I was a teenager, so know all about those ups and downs.  I was so worried when i was pregnant with my first son for a LOT of reasons.  My father was abusive so I worried what if I become abusive?  Me and my mom have never been close and I worred I would lack the maternal instincts and my mom during a much needed time.  I was an only child until I was 12 and both parents remarried partners with kids and then each had another child, but I never got the hang of sharing, I am a generous person dont get me wrong, but only when I wanna be lol, and can also be selfish and self centered.  When I was pregnant I shared these concerns with a co-worker at the time who gave me the best advice; "If you are aware of these potential problems, youve already taken a stap in preventing them".  That hit me hard! 

  

Let me tell you my son is now 6 and I have one on the way.  Parenthood changes you 100%.  I can still be selfish but what I have found is that I am selfish also on my sons behalf, as in I look out for him and spoil him and then worry about my needs.  I can easily "snap" at times, but I am very aware of my sons feelings and what helps me are taking time outs for myself.  I dont care what anyone says you need them, a 20 min hot bath, an hour to yourself to read, whatever, if you dont look out for yourself and make sure to meet your needs and spend time with yourself then I dont see how one can manage without resentment honestly.  Because of my fathers abuse I am very aware and if I ever feel that rising out of me (like the need to hit/spank) I remove myself from the situation for a few mins until I calm down.  Time outs and punishing my son for his behaviour by taking away privelages has worked fine for us.   

  

My mom hasnt been much of a grandmother, or a mother.  I didnt have in during my wedding, my pregnancy, she hung up on me when I told her I was pregnant (because she felt old now) and refused to throw me a baby shower when I asked, saying that was for my sisters to do (who uhm were 8 at the time!)  What helped a lot was my exes mom she was very excited about her grandson and even since me and her son broke up she has been like a mom to me.  So even though my own mom wasnt a part in the most special thing in my life, and theres no replacing that sadly enough, I had a grandmother who loved my son more then enough for both of them and who was there for me. 

  

So what I am saying is this, if you want a child and know you can be that great a mom, go for it!  We all have our bad days, and once you have a child your whole outlook on life WILL change, and you will instinctively protect your child from the evil world, AND the evil you.  TRUST me on this.  I am a horror fan fanatic who reads all about serial killers and I am more then a little morbid, but my son would never suspect a thing, he only gets to see good mommy and good things.  I over shelter him I will admit, but I feel I was exposed to too much and I'd rather be guilty of over sheltering my son and protecting him too much then of anything else.  Now I'm not saying my child thinks I'm perfect or anything like that, just that I dont take things out on him.  Kids pick up on bad moods like everyone else and when I need a few mins or even just a "mom dont feel good tonight" excuse he understands.  Its the good days they remember if we know how to handle and minimize the bad days, or so I hope! 

 
October 29, 2005, 7:08 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

My life has moved pretty fast I had my first baby at 17 I left her father when I was 20 to see my husband now I had our son 5 days before my 21 bday then we got married then we had or  second son a day after my 23 birthday then we had our daughter a month after my 24 birthday. I was 24 years old with 4 children. My husand is 10 years older than I am. Finacially we do ok we have our own house and my mother lives in her own apartment in it. Well any way I had a tubel ligation out of fear of becoming pregnant to soon after my last child sense my youngest two are only 13 months apart. I am 27 now I would love to have another baby but I would have to get my tubes reversed I do not know If they are too damaged to fix I have deep regret for having this surgery. I ask my self why do I want the 5th child am I always going to want more and more and more or will I be satisfied with having 5. I am a stay at home mother I have enough bedrooms to have another child. I try to talk myself out of wanting another baby because I do not know if it is possible we really do not have the money to do IVF treatments ecspecially when I already have 4 children It will cost around 8000 dollars for the doctors to reverse my tubes we do not know if it will even work. My insurance I do not think will cover any of this because I did it volantaraly I do not think that is fare I had the proceedure donw a couple of months after I had my last baby that was too soon to make that kind of desion I was only 24 years old. I am really angry with myself for not having the faith I should have had I feel stuck.  I try to convience myself no but it is always burning inside of me to have the 5th baby.     
 
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