Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

It is not necessary to be married. You can have a commited relationship without being married. My parents are married, but only married when I was 12 years old. They are great parents, before and after they were married. I was born when my mother was only 21 years old. My parents knew they wanted to have me more than anything in the world. But they decided not to get married yet because they weren't sure they believed in marriage. After me they has a son and another daughter. I am 21 and live in my own appartment, but I visit my family home at least 3 times a week because we have a great relationship as a family.

Maybe I see marriage differently because I am Dutch and we have a different view on marriage than most Americans do. For Dutch people it is very easy to get a contract were you and your partner state that you live together and share the responsibility of children. You then receive the same rights and duties as married people.

Marriage is a piece of paper. It is the love between two people and the work they dedicate to their relationship that makes them a commited couple. Census Bureau's Statistical Abstract of the U.S states that in the year 200140 % of every marriage in the US ended in divorce. So being married doesn't necessarily mean happily ever after.

I am 35 years old and have 2 wonderful/busy boys - ages 10 and 7.  Lately, I can feel my clock just  ticking away.  I really feel that I want to have one more.  I had healthy pregnancies and easy deliveries and I think I can tackle this again.  On the other hand, my husband is still "thinking about it."  He thinks that there will be too much of an age difference between the kids.  He also feels that it would be hard on me to "start over again."  I feel I am ready to do this.  I think that the boys would make wonderful helpers.  I don't want to wait too much longer and then regret that I never had one more. 

I am 25yrs of age and expecting to finish my degree next year this time around my boyfriend is 23yrs is is working for the government he has a diploma. I fill i have to have a child be4 i find a job caz atleast i want to take care of the child for a year b4 i leave the child home an off to work. my boyfriend is not ready to have a child, he says he want to have a child after marriage. but i disagree with him caz i am not getting any yonger and i dont think he is ready 4 a marriage either as i also am not ready 4 it. all i want is a child for now then marraige later when we are both ready. i am affraid to have a baby when i am older, i believe then it wld be the rite age for me to have a baby. and i am also affraid to leave my kid when he 2 small at home. there is another proble my boyfriend doent think i am fit enough to raise a kid, he says if we have one the he should be the one to raise him caz where i come from he belie the villagers are not displined like where he come from, so he want a very displined kid. i am not saying i am not displined only becaz most of the kids in my village i not he bilieves it is nt a gud place to raise a kid, but i disagree with him caz i belive u as a parent should be responsible 4 ur own kid and show her/him the rite ways in life, yes if i let my kid follow the way others are then it wont be displine, i am supposed to be the one to teach in the displine, that hw i fill. i also drink beer but i am not an addict, i can control my drinking caz i drink only when i want to and i can afford it and when the situation allows me to(if it is time for school work its time for school work i dont go 4 drinking), but my boyfriend believe i will leave the kid and go to drink, when i try to explain to him all this he says he doesnt trust me. so should i force him to make the baby or shld i just wait 4 him to be ready and trust me. is the clock ticking or i am just being paranoid. also what is the oldest age safe to have a baby incase he wld want a child several yrs to come?

first off from what I read it seems you didn't tell anyone but him about having an abortion.  I love men they're wonderful but sometimes (this is one of them) they just don't get it.  Even though I have 5 children I am pro-choice.  From what I can see you had excellent reasons for having an abortion at the time.  It is forgivable.  This is one of those things I don't believe a man is well equipped to understand women are the heart you know hes just thinking problem solved. Maybe it isn't fair but he can't know what it is to be pregnant. You see its just IMPOSSIBLE for him to understand. There's no blame there, its just nature. The reason I had to write back to you is because I hope you can forgive yourself. You don't deserve what you're putting yourself through.  You made a decision based on your beliefs at the time you have a son to care for you know already what it is to do this on your own and so you did what you thought was best.  If you believe differently now you can allow that without beating yourself up for who you were a year ago.  You know the woman you are today would not do such a thing, thats the beauty of life.  You are allowed to be happy to love yourself because you are still alive.  I feel you thought women would judge you but Nobody can judge you as harshly as you've judged yourself.  You've sentenced yourself to a life of regret and self doubt because you're human.  What you need to understand here is nobody is benefiting from your suffering. Not you not your bf or your son.  I don't know what the deeper spiritual issues are that you're facing what your religious beliefs are, I certainly won't impose my thoughts here on that matter.  I do know no matter what you believe forgiveness is probably a highly acceptable practice.  You can't undo what you've already done.   look ahead into your future with love and hope and then decide if this is the right man for you if you want to break up with him if you want more children.  If you can't do it alone find someone to help you, its time for you to let this go.  When you trust yourself again you'll make a better mother, lover and friend.  You'll be a better You and figuring out what to do next won't seem so hard.

Warmest Wishes,

April