Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

I'm 18 years old and have recently become a new mom.  I thought the whole becoming a mom was something I would never be able to grasp completely, yet it has come so naturally(and I love it!!!!). Yet I do get jealous of my boyfriend who has more of an active social life than I do (it seems the only time I hear from the outside world is if family calls). I still try to stay in touch with my old friends, but conversations now between us are so difficult seeing as we practically have nothing in common anymore.  I miss my old outgoing adventureous self, yet I love the time I spend with my 3 month old son. Being a stay-at-home mom has really hit me hard though, I hate being cooped up in the house while my boyfriend gets to go out on the weekends.  I don't want my jealousy to ruin our relationship because of the resentment I get towards him when he gets to go out with his friends on the week nights and weekends.  Don't get me wrong I love the time I spend with my son and I wouldn't give it up for anything.  I just want to know if there's a way I can have more of a social life that won't effect the time spent with and bond with my precious boy. Any suggestions???? 

My son will be 2 years old in December. Lately we have had alot of problems with him. He hads been hitting, pinching and kicking. I dont know where he picked this up. We dont hit him. when he gets angry or upset he wines, and cries and he's really mean to us. He tells us to go away, and he pushes us, and hits us. We have tried to talk to him calmly, and explain to him that there are other ways of dealing with anger. He never wants to listen or pay attention to us when we talk to him. Everything we do is a fight. Putting his clothes on, his coat, shoes, pj's. Bath time in and out. Bed time, meal time, play time. Everything is fight to begin with or to end with (usually its both and through out.) I dont know what to do woth him anymore. We have tried time outs, sending him to his room. taking things away like his fav. toy, or his blankie. It just doesnt seem to sink in. He just doesnt get it. I really really need some help. some advise. Its getting to the point where I dont even enjoy being around him. that makes me really upset cause I love him more then anything in the world.  

Please help!! 

mamatrish 

There are 2 issues here.  The first one has to deal with the "getting over" what happened to you.  It's been 2 years and it's still that much of a problem for you.  Perhaps you need to reach out for professional help on that issue.  You need to have healing for your self so that you can move forward in your own life.  So that you can be whole.  So that you can enjoy motherhood.  So that you can be a blessing to your child. 

The second issue is dealing with the baby's father.  Try e-mail communication with him.  You will be able to say what you need to say without having emotions take over.  I find e-mail to be a very effective way to pass information back and forth with someone I can't communicate well with otherwise. 

You need to consider your relationship with the babies father - it is different with a married father and a single father - I am afraid that if you give him an ultimatum or no choices he will disappear and not even try to have a relationship with his child.  Only You know how strong your relationship is with the babies father, and only you know how fragile the father baby relationship is, one can't communicate and the other may have feeling like "I didn't ask for this".  I am not sure what good advice that I can give to you about your relationship with the babies father as I am married and I do have the option of telling my husband "It is your turn". 

However, I was a stay at home mom for most of the first year and now I only work part time, and I do know the feeling of isolation (my husband is a work-aholic).  Be sure you talk to your pediatrician, but once the baby is ready to be out in public there are great mommy groups, I had to try a few out before I found one in my area, peers my age and children my son's age, and people that interested me - it is work at first, but once you put the work into you will make new friends that you can talk to, friends that are where you are now (I think that Dr. Phil.com has a link to find groups in your area), friends that can support you and grow with you - no ultimatums, no threats...  The first three month at home alone were the worst for me, my son couldn't talk couldn't really play and only eat, sleep, & poop, but once he started to roll a whole new world opened up.  There are usually affordable mommy & me exercise groups and it gets you to play with your child in an atmosphere where you can socialize and be structured for the child.  if you are  nursing, breastfeeding classes at the hospitals are usually free and you could find a way into the "mommy underground" that way...  

I haven't really given you advice on how to get your Single Social life back, but maybe if you find these groups you can find a good friend that will switch off baby sitting with you so that you can have adult time, or a date with your the babies father. 

Hi everyone! 2 weeks ago I gave birth to my second son and every since then my husband thinks he doesn't need to help me out. I also have a 2 yr old and it getting to the point where I am sick and just tired. I try to tell him that dealing with 2 kids is not easy. Every night my husband huffs and puffs like the baby is bothering him so I end up on the couch and then the baby wakes my other son up. What should I tell my husband to understand that I am not going to be the only one that takes care of them both. With my first son, he really didn't get into his life so much until he started to walk because he thought that it was going to be easy. I can never leave my house without one of the kids. It has come to the point where I have to ASK him to feed the baby. I just want him to grow up and know that he is a father of 2 and not a kid anymore. 

Alicia 

How I love my son, I would do anything in the world for him.  His name is Jessie Wittler.  And he will be my only child.  He has Infantile Scoliosis.  At 11 months old he was diagnosed with Infantile Scoliosis with a 35% curvature.  Though he was supposed to be fitted with a back brace, he was not.  Nor was he given any type of medical treatment thus far.  Now, he has a 57% curvature as of a Dec 15th appointment.  Still, without indepth discussion of a back brace or a casting, my wife and the doctors are talking about surgery.  Surgery on a 14 month old child.  I have seen all the risk associated with this type of surgery with a child his age.  I can not understand for the life of me why Jessie wasn't put into a back brace when he was diagnosed with this disease.  My wife will not get a 2nd opinion, she is taking what the doctor is saying as that is all there is to do.  I can not convince her she needs a 2nd opinion.  I am starting to believe she is doing this so that he will be on a SSI check, just like her and her daughter.  My wife, soon to be ex, has Cerebal Palsy.  I also fear, if he has surgery, how she will be able to take good care of him.  She is pretty much bound to a wheelchair and only has real use of her right arm.  I am in serious concern for my sons health.  I hope perhaps she would listen to Dr. PHil.  For she is also a huge fan of Dr. Phil, as I am.  I watch the show everyday, as I live in Ohio.  She lives in Arkansas and to my knowledge still watches it.  I am also having a very hard time getting ahold of my sons medical records.  I must get them, for everytime I talk to her about his condition, she avoids questions and gets mad when I point things out that should have been looked into. I am at a loss of what to do.  I am in the process of getting the medical records sent to me, though it may be after christmas before I get the information I need to know about my son.  Not going to be a pleasant christmas for me...not knowing how my son is really doing.  If there is any advice for me out there, I would greatly appreciate it.  Daniel Wittler