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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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August 16, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Don't feel bad!  A new baby is incredibly hard work whether it's your first or your fifth.  You forget what sleep used to feel like, you have no time to be with friends or family (or spouse!), and even if you found some, all you would want is SLEEP! 

  

You find that you are crying (or yelling) almost as much as the baby does, and you feel worse for doing it.  It feels like life will never go back to the way it was, and sometimes you feel like it is all the fault of the baby for making your life this way, or your spouse for not helping enough. 

  

And if that weren't enough, you have your mothers (yours and your spouse's- and probably everyone else's as well) telling you that everything you are doing is wrong and that they NEVER had that problem with their babies!  Most likely, they just don't remember it. 

  

But don't worry!  Everyone feels that way! 

  

I got through it by doing few things: 

1. telling myself again and again "It gets better... it gets better... it gets better..." 

2. talking to- my doctor and other parents with children the same age. 

3. not being too shy to ask for them to do the dishes or laundry or to watch the baby while you do it when they say "Can I help you with anything?" 

  

My younger is 4 months old now (and finally sleeping through the night... sometimes) and my older is 2 years old.   

  

It gets better... it gets better...  *smile* 

 
August 17, 2005, 6:22 pm CDT

THIS IS SO TRUE...

Quote From: lyanna96

Don't feel bad!  A new baby is incredibly hard work whether it's your first or your fifth.  You forget what sleep used to feel like, you have no time to be with friends or family (or spouse!), and even if you found some, all you would want is SLEEP! 

  

You find that you are crying (or yelling) almost as much as the baby does, and you feel worse for doing it.  It feels like life will never go back to the way it was, and sometimes you feel like it is all the fault of the baby for making your life this way, or your spouse for not helping enough. 

  

And if that weren't enough, you have your mothers (yours and your spouse's- and probably everyone else's as well) telling you that everything you are doing is wrong and that they NEVER had that problem with their babies!  Most likely, they just don't remember it. 

  

But don't worry!  Everyone feels that way! 

  

I got through it by doing few things: 

1. telling myself again and again "It gets better... it gets better... it gets better..." 

2. talking to- my doctor and other parents with children the same age. 

3. not being too shy to ask for them to do the dishes or laundry or to watch the baby while you do it when they say "Can I help you with anything?" 

  

My younger is 4 months old now (and finally sleeping through the night... sometimes) and my older is 2 years old.   

  

It gets better... it gets better...  *smile* 

Thank you for writing this as this is very much the way it can be for alot of us Mum's especially for first time Mum's that don't know what they are doing and if they are doing all the right things, so it really does help to have someone who has been there done that afew times say these words. 

 

And yes it does get better, I have a 3 year old daughter and I can honestly say that she really hasn't been any problem since the day she was born. Yes of course that has been the odd time that she has played up or has been sick but she has never been a Nightmare child. I really feel for the Mum's that have had those "Nightmare Child/children."  

 

Anyway, again thank you for these very true words, TAKE CARE. LOVE KELLY. 

 
August 20, 2005, 8:24 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

I am 21 years old and have a 17 month old daughter; also, I am 5 months pregnant.  Those factors alone  are enough to have my nerves all frazzeled, but then add the stress of being a college student, having a job, being a rocky newlywed, and fighting with family because they don't approve of my husband.  My mother, father and four siblings do not want to even see my husband; he doesn't want to be around them either.  There have even been physical altercations.  Please somebody, help me.  I feel so trapped and that everything is spiraling horrible out of control. 
 
August 20, 2005, 9:18 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: stystrong

I am 21 years old and have a 17 month old daughter; also, I am 5 months pregnant.  Those factors alone  are enough to have my nerves all frazzeled, but then add the stress of being a college student, having a job, being a rocky newlywed, and fighting with family because they don't approve of my husband.  My mother, father and four siblings do not want to even see my husband; he doesn't want to be around them either.  There have even been physical altercations.  Please somebody, help me.  I feel so trapped and that everything is spiraling horrible out of control. 
You are definetly young with a lot on you right now. I understand where you are coming from when it comes to your marriage, I had many people against my husband and I getting married but we loved and respected each other and we did it any way and 12 in a half years later we are still in love with two beautiful little girls and people have come to accept and realize that we are in this for life and there is not a thing they can do about it, They have a choice, they can be our supporters and get behind us and have a good relationship with us, or they can have their little attitude parties, it is absolutely up to them., but the attitudes do not enter my home. I am sure that you love your husband and this is why you married, you need to stand up to your family and let them know that you will not tolerate the fightin and all with your husabnd that he is your husband and that you stand by him 100 % and they can decide to not accept it but it is your marriage and they need to get a grip on life, yes, easier said then done, but you are his wife and you need to take care of you, him and your children. You also need to let him as well as the rest of them know how it makes you feel when they fight and all and they all need to make a choice to get along or to stay away from each other. You can't change any of them but you can change yourself and the first thing is to not tolerate the fighting and stand up for what you believe. You also have children to think about and they definetly do not need to see this crap, take control by letting your feelings be known and set the boundaries, you can't make any one like each other but you can set the rules. I would suggest keeping hubby and family apart as much as possible but in my opinion, if you have to take aside, you and hubby are a family with children to take care of, don't be manipulated but stand up for your marriage if you want it.
 
October 7, 2005, 12:20 pm CDT

crying, crying, crying

I have a 6 mo. old daughter who is soooo attached to me.  She won't let my mother, father, sister, and sometimes even my husband hold her.  She will just cry and scream at the top of her lungs until she is  almost choking.  I know the crying has nothing to do with her being in any pain or any other reason because as soon as I pick her up or take her from someone else she is all smiles!  I have a 3 1/2 yr. old as well who was attached to me as a baby but not nearly to the extent this one is.  I'm starting to get really run down and drained because I feel like I'm her only caregiver and can never get a break because she won't let anyone else take care of her.  Any advice for weaning her off of me so other people can help with her?
 
October 7, 2005, 9:45 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: madi2ava

I have a 6 mo. old daughter who is soooo attached to me.  She won't let my mother, father, sister, and sometimes even my husband hold her.  She will just cry and scream at the top of her lungs until she is  almost choking.  I know the crying has nothing to do with her being in any pain or any other reason because as soon as I pick her up or take her from someone else she is all smiles!  I have a 3 1/2 yr. old as well who was attached to me as a baby but not nearly to the extent this one is.  I'm starting to get really run down and drained because I feel like I'm her only caregiver and can never get a break because she won't let anyone else take care of her.  Any advice for weaning her off of me so other people can help with her?
your daughter is still young and it is best to start now with this or it could get worse. One thing you might be able to do is, maybe while she is sleeping and she awakes, let your husband or if some one else is available, let them go get her up and change her diaper and play with her. And you stay out of sight for a few moments, then go in and get her. Maybe also while she is sleeping or siiting in her swing or whatever being happy and content, you can leave the house and let who ever is there to care for her for a bit then come back. I think in time she will get used to these other people and will eventually let go of you. My husband would sometimes get up with my girls and take care of them and sometimes I wouldn't be home when they woke or I did leave for a bit and they have never had a problem bonding with him nor any one else as I believe she had learned that i wasn't going any whaere that I would be back.
 
October 12, 2005, 9:50 am CDT

Hang in there!

Quote From: stystrong

I am 21 years old and have a 17 month old daughter; also, I am 5 months pregnant.  Those factors alone  are enough to have my nerves all frazzeled, but then add the stress of being a college student, having a job, being a rocky newlywed, and fighting with family because they don't approve of my husband.  My mother, father and four siblings do not want to even see my husband; he doesn't want to be around them either.  There have even been physical altercations.  Please somebody, help me.  I feel so trapped and that everything is spiraling horrible out of control. 
I feel for you!!  It is tough being a young mother, especially with the added stress of family conflict!  My husband and I were married at 21.  We have an almost 5 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old.  I just turned 25.  The babies are 11 months apart to the day.  Right after we got married (we were staying with my parents) my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage.  My dad moved out, and we have little contact with him (my choice as well as my husband's.....he can't stand my dad.)  We have a great relationship with my mom (we've been in our own home for almost 4 years now).  My extended family is a different story.  My husband's upbringing was very different than mine, and he just doesn't like the way my family seems to act, in his point of view.  He thinks they are all fake, and I agree somewhat, but I still love them and want to do things, and he just doesn't normally go.  One of my cousins, who is one of my best friends, won't come over with her husband anymore because they don't agree with our parenting style.  They don't have any children of their own yet.  That is painful, but if that is their decision, so be it.  You know what is best for your children.  Just try to take it 1 day at a time, and don't stress yourself.  It's not good for your daughter or the baby you're carrying.  It does get easier, and things will work out.  Your family and husband should not put you in the middle of the issues they have.  If you love him and want to be with him, it is your choice to make and if they can't respect and accept your decision, it is their problem.  (as long as he treats you and your kids good!!)  Good luck and hang in there!!
 
October 18, 2005, 10:48 am CDT

split family

In 2003 I delivered my second child. The joy was overshadowed by the depression I had been dealing with since his father left in my 6th mo. It was hard to deal with him wanting to be around for doctor visits and parenting time. Now the baby is 2yrs old and we have a lot of communication problems. When his father comes to pick him up we don't talk, it's like a hand off in football. I am frustrated because I have no idea how his father dealt with day to day issues during his visits. I am still very angry with his father and don't feel like I am able to separate my feelings and issues from the issue of caring for and raising our son. How do I "get over" what happened to me in the relationship so that I can be the kind of mother I should be?
 
October 27, 2005, 9:57 am CDT

crying, crying, crying

Quote From: madi2ava

I have a 6 mo. old daughter who is soooo attached to me.  She won't let my mother, father, sister, and sometimes even my husband hold her.  She will just cry and scream at the top of her lungs until she is  almost choking.  I know the crying has nothing to do with her being in any pain or any other reason because as soon as I pick her up or take her from someone else she is all smiles!  I have a 3 1/2 yr. old as well who was attached to me as a baby but not nearly to the extent this one is.  I'm starting to get really run down and drained because I feel like I'm her only caregiver and can never get a break because she won't let anyone else take care of her.  Any advice for weaning her off of me so other people can help with her?

I have the same problem but my son is 14 months he will not let anyone hold him except my husband and I. someone will try to talk to him when i am holding him and he will turn his head away or cry and if someone holds him that isn't us he will scream bloody murder. sometimes when he wakes up in the middle of the night my husband gets him he will cry and scream until i take him from his dad , it is getting bad and his grandparent's would like to take him over night or for a couple of hours but he will cry the whole time we are gone , i know this because he has done it a couple of times before. i don't know what to do either because my other son has always been a people person and was never shy so i never had to deal with this problem someone please help! 

  

  

momof2_14 

 
November 3, 2005, 9:33 am CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: aderyn3

I feel for you!!  It is tough being a young mother, especially with the added stress of family conflict!  My husband and I were married at 21.  We have an almost 5 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old.  I just turned 25.  The babies are 11 months apart to the day.  Right after we got married (we were staying with my parents) my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage.  My dad moved out, and we have little contact with him (my choice as well as my husband's.....he can't stand my dad.)  We have a great relationship with my mom (we've been in our own home for almost 4 years now).  My extended family is a different story.  My husband's upbringing was very different than mine, and he just doesn't like the way my family seems to act, in his point of view.  He thinks they are all fake, and I agree somewhat, but I still love them and want to do things, and he just doesn't normally go.  One of my cousins, who is one of my best friends, won't come over with her husband anymore because they don't agree with our parenting style.  They don't have any children of their own yet.  That is painful, but if that is their decision, so be it.  You know what is best for your children.  Just try to take it 1 day at a time, and don't stress yourself.  It's not good for your daughter or the baby you're carrying.  It does get easier, and things will work out.  Your family and husband should not put you in the middle of the issues they have.  If you love him and want to be with him, it is your choice to make and if they can't respect and accept your decision, it is their problem.  (as long as he treats you and your kids good!!)  Good luck and hang in there!!
 why do men feel they can control you? you should not have to decide between your family/friends and him, ridiculous. "im my opinion"
 
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