Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Have you tried soft music while she sleeps? Maybe a couple of favorite toys in her crib will help. I also used this light up aquarium toy that hooked onto the crib, (I forget what it was called), it lit up and had the sound of water and pretend fish swimming around, it also showed the shadows of the waves along the wall, my girls loved it. You can buy it any where with baby items. I am sure she will out grow this, and though I know it is easier said then done, hang in there. Is it just you and the baby? or do you and the father live together, if so maybe he can take a night and help out and let you rest some, may not even be a bad idea to get some one to come over for a few hours and let you sleep, if that is possible. Hope I helped a little, I am sure others will get on and give some ideas. :)

Hi, my son sleeps with me... he is 4.. we've had this habit since birth.   Dad sleeps on the couch... due to he works the late shift, comes home, watches tv and falls asleep on the couch... plus.. he snores terribly....  sex life?  we have none.   

I have started putting my son in his own bed after he falls asleep.. I would like to sleep with my husband again.... with my earplugs in ! HA ! 

I also don't agree with the practice of letting kids, especially beyond infancy, sleep with you. But, like a previous poster said, if it really works for your family, then go for it. I don't think co-sleeping is harmful (unless it's causing marital strain and resentment) but I think it's unnecessary. Babies don't have to sleep with Mom and Dad to be happy and secure. 

  

Another poster said her husband hates the arrangement. I think if one person is getting "jilted" and hates it, so to speak, you need to re-think it. Family harmony, not just the child's contentment, should be a higher priority. Because if this issue ends up mushrooming into huge fights, possible infidelity due to lack of intimacy, and possibly divorce, your child will have a broken home. 

  

We have always had our son in his own room. I tried the bassinet in our room for the first night, but nobody got much sleep. He woke us up, and we woke him up. So, early on, I just put him in his room and got up to feed him. He slept a lot in the beginning, so he was a good sleeper...BUT THEN came 2-4 months old! He no longer needed a night feeding, but now he had to learn how to go to sleep on his own. He just had to cry a little. We'd go in, pat his back then leave. We rarely picked him up. He started getting more aware and no longer content to doze all day like a newborn. So we couldn't rely on newborn tactics like rocking, because that would only stimulate him. 

  

Around 5-6 months, he started going to bed with a smile on his face and no crying. We remained consistent. There were bumps with teething, but we didn't overreact and ruin his good habits. Now he's 12 months and, while he occasionally protests bedtime, he goes to bed just fine 100% of the time. 

  

Sleep is a skill you need to help them learn. Some babies are easy to teach, but some are not. The difficult babies are the ones who MOST need this structure, because the more sleep-deprived they get the MORE difficult they become. 

I am a mother of three children and the sleeping habits of all three h ave been incredibly different...Steven (8) had to share a bedroom with me as we only had a one bedroom apartment so he ended up in my bed most of the time due to the fact that he would sleep there and I had to work at 6am...at the age of 1 we moved and he had his own room and I put him to bed on his own and there were about two nights when he woke up and cried but on the second night he realized he was in bed to stay and I have never had a spot of trouble since...Kirstin (3) started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and we made the decision to move her to a toddler bed at age 2 and it was fine for a while but now at 3 she has a nightly routine of getting out of bed a million times before she finally falls asleep...her bedtime has been the same since she was an infant so I am hoping it is just a phase she is going through to test the waters...this past saturday she got her babies taken away for a week unless she stayed in be everynight...seems to be working so far...Justin (9months) is a champion sleeper...he started sleeping through the night at 3 months and hasn't been a lick of trouble since...there have been a few nights (teething and tummy aches) where he has ended up in our bed(we are 1 bedroom shy so his crib is in our room for now)...I can honestly say that has only happened about 10-15 times his entire life...I think the main thing parents have to remember is that no one is perfect and you sometimes just have to go with the flow and let you children steer you in the direction of what works for them and what doesn't...I DO however think that if your children are interfering with your marriage or your sex life then you need to draw the line...sometimes as a parent you will be called upon to make tough decision wether you like it or not and you have to make them without guilt and with the utmost confidence you are doing the right thing otherwise your children with sense your hesitation and use that to their advantage... 

  

  

 I am not sure of how your belief system is ,,But have you considered co-sleeping. Your baby may need your comfort during the evening hours, not all babies like to be alone.

YOu do not nesseccarily need the child in your bed , they have cosleepers now that attach to your bed. Or you could continue using a bassinet right up against your bed. 

If you do not have any of those or cannot afford to buy one, then you can make a border on the bed with small blankets like recieveing blankets to form a boundary between you and the child in the bed so you each have your own space. 

This may be something you might like to try for a while till your child feels more comfortable at night then slowly transition her to her crib. There is no need for a child to cry it out when you are there to comfort her, she will settle better.  You weill get sleep and your child will feel your presence and feel that comfort that she so desparately is looking for. 

If you do not want to do this then she may also have a gas problem. My 1 yr old recently started to wake up screaming after being asleep for an hr. daddy would bounce her in his knee gently of corse and she start farting away lol...then went on to sleep soundly through the night.. 

good luck...remember there is always a solution with out losing your mind and sleep. You just need to find what is going to work for your whole family. 

My daughter is going to be 2 soon and she slept in our room for the first year in her playpen at the foot of our bed. My husband has never been around a baby before we had our daughter so he got real nervous that something was going to happen while she slept. So to comfort him, she slept in our room. She went very easily to her own crib. She is used to only sleeping in our bed when: 

1:My husband is away with the Navy and I need some comforting. 

2:She is sick. 

3:If she wakes up from a nightmare. 

  

She is real good about going back to bed if we don't allow her to come to bed with us. We have even grabbed our futon mattress and layed it on her floor so we can sleep in the room with her to calm her down. 

  

One of my friends has a 2 1/2 year old and he wakes up in the middle of the night like clockwork to go into the bed with them. I don't understand why they do it because it doesn't give them any personnal time to themselves. We have told her to try to just let him cry and fall back to sleep and it works when we are there but if no one is there, she doesn't want to hear him cry so she goes and gets him. I think that is rediculous. He also sleeps during his naps and night time with a pacifier in his mouth. He doesn't use it during his naps at daycare and sleeps just fine so I don't understand why she insists on giving it to him while he's at home. That is just confusing him while he's at daycare.  

  

Any suggestions on how I can help her get her child away from the bed and the bink? 

 I personally don't let any of my children sleep with us at night.  We have a queen size bed and I wouldn't sleep as well being nervous that I'd roll over on her.  Plus, a husband and a wife need "alone" time.  Sexual relationships are an important part of marriage.  I do (and did with my other two when they were young), however, let them sleep with me during nap time when my husband is at work.   

I understand your concern for your friends child needs, but who are you to tell her how to parent her child. Does she tell you not to do things the way you are doing them. There isnt anything wrong with what she is doing. It is working for her family leave it alone.  

I suggest if you value your friendship with this person then you button it, and let her parent her way and you parent yours. 

We are co-sleepers and it works great for us.  We have one, 3 yr old James, who is still occasionally in our bed.  We have a mattress on the floor that slides under our bed in the daytime and pulls out at night. Thats "his bed".  When hubbie is home (he works some nights) James is moved to that mattress for the night and we get our couple time.  If he wakes up in the night he's welcome to climb back in to bed with us. Sometimes he does, other times not.  I see him growing up in how he joins us with less  frequency.  We began co-sleeping simply because it was so much easier on all of us when our babies were tiny.  I quickly learned to nurse laying down and we all got to SLEEP!!  A rarity in the early weeks when I insisted baby sleep in his own bed.  Everybody has stopped climbing in with us on their own, I have not forced the decision on anyone.  We love this lifestyle and encourage parents to be open minded. Sleeping with mom and dad doesn't not have to be a bad habit, it can be a wonderful thing.  It doesn't have to interfere with sex either.  In fact it interferes a lot less than no sleep does!! Get that baby mattres and make room for it under your bed. <g>   

  

It's a very individual decision however, one that nobody can make for any family but their own.  Follow your heart, nobody elses~ 

My suggestion would be to let her be mommy to her child and you be mommy to yours. 

  

If she were harming her child I'd be the next in line to try and change things, but she's not. She's mommying the way she sees fit just as you are.   

  

Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine your feelings if she were pushing you to allow your child to sleep with you.   

  

Glenda, 

mom of a 3 yr old with a binkie, in my bed. :)