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Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:59:51 pm
Author : dataimport
Does your child sleep in a crib, his own bed, or with you? Tell us what works for your family.

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jettav
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July 23, 2005, 1:23 pm PDT

sleeping arrangements

My children have always slept in their own beds with an occasional sleeping with mommy and daddy for whatever reasons, we do love to snuggle and have those times together but I definetly enjoy my bed along side of hubby, just the two of us. Now, recently both my girls, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 have been getting up in the night and either getting in bed with us or on the couch, they like sleeping together, so we are in the process of putting them in the same room togehter and if they want they can sleep together, We have turned the smaller room into a play room and they absolutely love it and now when they wake up, they go in there. we do not do naps here and they are ususally ready for bed at 9 and they say, "night night" and off to bed they go. Of course we do the bed time routine, snack, bathes, 30 minute movie, Bible story, prayers, and then bed time. and if they don't head towards bed, I let them play for about 10 minutes then I start counting and by the time I get to five they are giggling and in bed and asleep in no time. This schedule works perfect for them. I think one thing that is helping is the fact that they feel in control, they choose the snack, the movie and the story and they are easy to lay down. consistency is the key I think, kids reaslly do adapt to the life style that they are brought up in.
 
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vinswife
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July 25, 2005, 12:11 pm PDT

bedtime trouble

Quote From: jettav

My children have always slept in their own beds with an occasional sleeping with mommy and daddy for whatever reasons, we do love to snuggle and have those times together but I definetly enjoy my bed along side of hubby, just the two of us. Now, recently both my girls, 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 have been getting up in the night and either getting in bed with us or on the couch, they like sleeping together, so we are in the process of putting them in the same room togehter and if they want they can sleep together, We have turned the smaller room into a play room and they absolutely love it and now when they wake up, they go in there. we do not do naps here and they are ususally ready for bed at 9 and they say, "night night" and off to bed they go. Of course we do the bed time routine, snack, bathes, 30 minute movie, Bible story, prayers, and then bed time. and if they don't head towards bed, I let them play for about 10 minutes then I start counting and by the time I get to five they are giggling and in bed and asleep in no time. This schedule works perfect for them. I think one thing that is helping is the fact that they feel in control, they choose the snack, the movie and the story and they are easy to lay down. consistency is the key I think, kids reaslly do adapt to the life style that they are brought up in.

My son is 5 and he has been having such trouble with going to sleep. He will only go to sleep if I sit there on his bed and wait until he has fully fallen asleep. I read a story to him or just talk with him and then kiss him good night and go to leave and he just starts crying... I dont know what to do. We put his younger brother in his room, which he asked for and he has 2 night lights on too. He wants to sleep in our bed every night. I dont do it because I am afraid to start a really bad habit. I just dont know what to do to get him to fall asleep without such trouble.  He will not tell me why he gets so upset. I ask him and he says that he does not know.. I feel terrible about it but maybe I am being too harsh and should just wait there until he does fall asleep. I just dont know what to do.. He is starting kindergarten this September and I want him to have a healthy sleep and be ready for school when the time comes.. Anyone have any suggestions?

thank you Barbara
 
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keekee
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July 25, 2005, 3:58 pm PDT

Do what works best for you

 I am a mother of one 16 month old child.  She seems to tell us what works best for her.  As a small infant we tried putting her in her crib, but she didn't have very long sleeps, so as parents we decided to co-sleep with her until she was ready to go into the crib.  At 11 months she seemed to tell us that she was ready to grow up a little bit more. This is when she started sleeping in her crib through the night, except through teething stages (which we are still experiencing).  We try not to take her out of the crib when she wakes up at night unless she seems to be in pain, we just rub her back or sing to her.  We also moved the crib right up beside my bed so that she would feel close to us.  When she gets used to this with no interruptions though out the night, we plan on moving the crib back to it's original place.  So I guess we are gradually helping her to sleep on her own.  I just believe sleep has a lot to do with your infant/toddlers behaviour, so I don't want to mess with it too much.
 
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toothfairy
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July 28, 2005, 8:20 am PDT

bad habits start young

I am the mother of a 5 week old boy, and already I have noticed that bad habits start with me.  When I first brought him home, I put him in bed beside me, partly because I couldn't stop worrying about him, but also because I just loved being close to him.  Over the following weeks I noticed that whenever I put him down in his crib and left the room, he would immediately wake up and scream - that would lead to me picking him back up and taking him back into bed with me where he would fall right back asleep.  So - as tough as it was, (and still is) when its bedtime for Dawson, I rock him for a few minutes, but mostly put him in his crib - awake or not (I have a terrible time leaving him by himself when he is awake and alert - I feel guilty!) and just let him be.  Now at 5 weeks old he sleeps in his crib all by himself and I sleep much better in bed with just my husband :)  I think if I had kept on taking him to bed with me, I was setting the whole family up for a bad habit to break in the future.  What do you think?
 
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jettav
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July 28, 2005, 9:20 am PDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: toothfairy

I am the mother of a 5 week old boy, and already I have noticed that bad habits start with me.  When I first brought him home, I put him in bed beside me, partly because I couldn't stop worrying about him, but also because I just loved being close to him.  Over the following weeks I noticed that whenever I put him down in his crib and left the room, he would immediately wake up and scream - that would lead to me picking him back up and taking him back into bed with me where he would fall right back asleep.  So - as tough as it was, (and still is) when its bedtime for Dawson, I rock him for a few minutes, but mostly put him in his crib - awake or not (I have a terrible time leaving him by himself when he is awake and alert - I feel guilty!) and just let him be.  Now at 5 weeks old he sleeps in his crib all by himself and I sleep much better in bed with just my husband :)  I think if I had kept on taking him to bed with me, I was setting the whole family up for a bad habit to break in the future.  What do you think?
I agree with you, kids learn from us, the adults/parents. We are basically the ones to teach them what is right and acceptable and we as parents must chooe our battles. I was one of the lucky ones when it comes to my children, as new borns/toddlers they have always been good sleepers, of course they have had some rough times as we all do, but have always been able to figure out solutions with out a big fuss with the kids. You are the parent of your child and you must follow your parenting instincts as you did in this case and getting a good night sleep is a very good thing and wanting to be with your husband alone is not a bad thing, it is actually a good thing as far as I am concerned. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
 
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spin462002
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July 30, 2005, 2:03 am PDT

my experience with a child not wanting to go to sleep alone

Quote From: vinswife

My son is 5 and he has been having such trouble with going to sleep. He will only go to sleep if I sit there on his bed and wait until he has fully fallen asleep. I read a story to him or just talk with him and then kiss him good night and go to leave and he just starts crying... I dont know what to do. We put his younger brother in his room, which he asked for and he has 2 night lights on too. He wants to sleep in our bed every night. I dont do it because I am afraid to start a really bad habit. I just dont know what to do to get him to fall asleep without such trouble.  He will not tell me why he gets so upset. I ask him and he says that he does not know.. I feel terrible about it but maybe I am being too harsh and should just wait there until he does fall asleep. I just dont know what to do.. He is starting kindergarten this September and I want him to have a healthy sleep and be ready for school when the time comes.. Anyone have any suggestions?

thank you Barbara

Dear Barbara, I can relate to your dilemma. I have had the same one but my child is 11! (her name is Naomi) It has been a steep learning curve for me! We went through months of tears at bedtime, night lights, knocks on my bedroom door in the night, general insecurity and irrational fears for no apparent reason. Five years old is very young, and many children much older than that feel insecure or fearful at night for no apparent reason. I have come to see that MY attitude influences my daughter and her behaviour. I would feel guilty and confused when she cried, and see myself as being "too harsh" if I insisted she stayed in her bed and went to sleep without any fuss. Eventually a good friend suggested I might be contributing to the problem rather than enabling my daughter to overcome her fears and insecurities. Only a good friend can be that honest! I am blessed! I bought some good quality children's audio tapes and a player for them. I gave them to my daughter as a gift and she was delighted. She started to listen to them after I tucked her in and would easily fall asleep listening to them (very quietly). Sometimes she would still express fear about nothing in particular. I talked to her (she is 11 remember, I don't recommend this for a five year old) about her fears, reassured her and gave her ideas for dealing with her feelings herself. Rather than crying and feeling sorry for herself or being scared, she is allowed to get up and make herself a glass of milk and a cookie or listen to her tapes. This has worked as I have seen and understood that it is the only loving thing to do. We must extend our children emotionally, and we must do it lovingly without guilt. Now I can see that what I saw as "too harsh" was in fact loving kindness, helping her to manage her feelings and overcome her fears. My own confusion and guilt had only increased her own fear and confusion, and I had to be the one to change first! I hope this makes sense Barbara? Once I convinced myself I was a loving mommy who wanted what was best for my child, I was able to be firm and unwavering about the behaviour and my response to it. Children need firm loving guidance more than sympathy and fussing. Try the tape/cd player idea if it appeals to you. Even music might do the trick. Whatever is peaceful and sleep inducing! Once he can read to himself a whole new world will open up to him. Go through the bedtime routine and firmly say good night and switch the tape/music on very quietly. I can almost guarantee he will be asleep in no time and then it's only a matter of time before he forgets about the tape/cd and goes to sleep easier or later reads himself to sleep. Break the cycle and be firm but loving. No sympathy, no guilt. Just do what's best for him. Naomi now puts herself to bed and reads for a while before going to sleep. Before she could change, I had to. Know you are a kind loving mommy and be firm. Your son can only benefit long term. with love Lynn
 
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vinswife
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July 30, 2005, 5:24 am PDT

child sleeping

Quote From: spin462002

Dear Barbara, I can relate to your dilemma. I have had the same one but my child is 11! (her name is Naomi) It has been a steep learning curve for me! We went through months of tears at bedtime, night lights, knocks on my bedroom door in the night, general insecurity and irrational fears for no apparent reason. Five years old is very young, and many children much older than that feel insecure or fearful at night for no apparent reason. I have come to see that MY attitude influences my daughter and her behaviour. I would feel guilty and confused when she cried, and see myself as being "too harsh" if I insisted she stayed in her bed and went to sleep without any fuss. Eventually a good friend suggested I might be contributing to the problem rather than enabling my daughter to overcome her fears and insecurities. Only a good friend can be that honest! I am blessed! I bought some good quality children's audio tapes and a player for them. I gave them to my daughter as a gift and she was delighted. She started to listen to them after I tucked her in and would easily fall asleep listening to them (very quietly). Sometimes she would still express fear about nothing in particular. I talked to her (she is 11 remember, I don't recommend this for a five year old) about her fears, reassured her and gave her ideas for dealing with her feelings herself. Rather than crying and feeling sorry for herself or being scared, she is allowed to get up and make herself a glass of milk and a cookie or listen to her tapes. This has worked as I have seen and understood that it is the only loving thing to do. We must extend our children emotionally, and we must do it lovingly without guilt. Now I can see that what I saw as "too harsh" was in fact loving kindness, helping her to manage her feelings and overcome her fears. My own confusion and guilt had only increased her own fear and confusion, and I had to be the one to change first! I hope this makes sense Barbara? Once I convinced myself I was a loving mommy who wanted what was best for my child, I was able to be firm and unwavering about the behaviour and my response to it. Children need firm loving guidance more than sympathy and fussing. Try the tape/cd player idea if it appeals to you. Even music might do the trick. Whatever is peaceful and sleep inducing! Once he can read to himself a whole new world will open up to him. Go through the bedtime routine and firmly say good night and switch the tape/music on very quietly. I can almost guarantee he will be asleep in no time and then it's only a matter of time before he forgets about the tape/cd and goes to sleep easier or later reads himself to sleep. Break the cycle and be firm but loving. No sympathy, no guilt. Just do what's best for him. Naomi now puts herself to bed and reads for a while before going to sleep. Before she could change, I had to. Know you are a kind loving mommy and be firm. Your son can only benefit long term. with love Lynn

Thank you for the advice.. It is so hard trying to figure out whether or not you are doing the right thing or the wrong thing. I second guess myself all the time.. I appreciate what you said and agree with it. I have just found that if I leave his little lantern on so he can fall asleep to it works. I saw him light up when I told him that maybe we can do that. I think that he may be having alot of emotions about going to kindergarten this September and having to be in big boy school and all the new experiences he will have and maybe this is his way of dealing with stress.. I love the idea of the tapes as well, he has books on tape that he loves so maybe I will try that as well... I talk with him quite a bit about his feelings and why he does things or how he feels about certain things, he is a beautiful little boy with a wonderful imagination and he is a very sensitive boy and I try to remember that and I dont want to have him shut down his feelings. I would talk with him at bed time and ask him why he is so upset but maybe that stirs up feelings at the wrong time ya know. I maybe should discuss it in the morning or in the middle of the day.. I thank you for taking the time out to share your thoughts with me. I will try the tapes too, he loves his books on tape...  Thank you again and I know that you are raising a beautiful child as well.

love Barbara
 
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dpwatcher1
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August 4, 2005, 12:28 pm PDT

betdtime woes

i have a 22 month old daughter that has bedtime woes. I have gotten the transfer from my bed to her bed but i have to stay in there with her until she is asleep, and even then i have to make sure that she is really asleep or she will come down stairs and we have to start all over again. I leave all the stuff i have to do during the day for the time that i put her asleep at nite but by the time that i get her to sleep it's so late that i am falling behind, any advice from mothers that have been through this hurdle before?
 
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moonrain1
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August 22, 2005, 8:19 pm PDT

Tough but teaches independent sleeping.

Quote From: dpwatcher1

i have a 22 month old daughter that has bedtime woes. I have gotten the transfer from my bed to her bed but i have to stay in there with her until she is asleep, and even then i have to make sure that she is really asleep or she will come down stairs and we have to start all over again. I leave all the stuff i have to do during the day for the time that i put her asleep at nite but by the time that i get her to sleep it's so late that i am falling behind, any advice from mothers that have been through this hurdle before?

This is a really tough way that worked for me.  I know alot of mothers think this is a cruel way to put their child to sleep, but my daughter sleeps like a champ now.   

  

First of all, make sure that she is definitely sleepy, I try to wear my kids out before bedtime, lots of playing, just to make sure :) I used to put her in bed and leave her door open but she would get up over and over so that didn't work.  Then i decided to close her door so she could not come out.  I would go reassure a couple times while she cried and then leave her for the night.  She would cry no longer than 30 mins average and after about a week, she was sleeping on her own without much trouble. At 2 and half years old, i still put her to bed and close her door, but she rarely gets up or cries.  I have put a baby monitor in the hallway to monitor both my 1 1/2 year old son in his room and my 2 1/2 old daughter in her room...that is until i feel she is old enough for me to leave the door open for her without worrying about her getting up in the middle of night.  

  

Every child is different and this may not work for you. Example, my daughter took so much work to keep her in bed but my son, when he is pooped, he's off to sleepyville without so much as a wimper, BUT he is not in a toddler bed yet. I may have some tough times ahead soon as i will need his crib in February for our third addition to the family :)  

  

Hope this helps and take care of your sweetie. Blessed Be. 
 
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ladybug7
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August 28, 2005, 5:33 pm PDT

Toddler Bed?

Ok my daughter(22  months) always has been a good sleeper but recently her dad went to 3rd shift, and I work days and go to school at night. So her schedule is all confused. But I just recently changed her bed into a toddler bed! She was always crawling out of her crib. Now she refuses to stay in her bed at all!! I mean I've never went through something so frustrating in my life! Is this normal when you switch beds or is my child just doing this because of our schedule? I know Dr. Phil says that about how the child in coming into your life, your not going into your child's, so what should I do to make her stay there. Nothing is working for me? thanks so much!!   
 
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