Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

I think that kids should start out at birth sleeping in their own bed. Mommy and daddy's bed is for mommy and daddy. If you start out letting your children sleep with you, when they get 5, 6,or 7, years old your going to have some problems and then you'll be on the Dr. Phil show asking him "how do i get my kid to sleep in his own bed." There are plenty of ways to show your children that you love them without letting them sleep with you. I started out with my kids in their own bed and I dont regret it. When my husband and I leave them with their grandparents for a night I dont have to worry about them having a hard time getting them to sleep, they are put in their beds and they fall asleep wiith no arguments. Moms have to remember that your husband was here before your children and once the kids go to bed that needs to be your alone time with eachother. And the kids may not know it right now but one of the best things you can do for your children is keep a loving, healthy marriage with your spouse.

In my opinion, kids should sleep in their own beds from birth on.  For the first 2 or 3 weeks home both of my children slept in our room but in their own bassinet.  Our son has slept in bed with us a few times-- one time he was sick and the other time was a bad storm.  Our daughter has never slept in our bed overnight.  Both children have been allowed to nap in our bed with us on the occasional Sunday afternoon.

I have a friend who used to not only let her daughter sleep in bed with her and her husband but she would spend the entire night SITTTING UP because that is the position her daughter liked best.  If she'd try to lay down her daughter would start crying.  This is a nearly 14 month old child at the time!!!!!!!!!  I couldn't even imagine.

This same friend swore she learned her lesson with her first born, a son whom she did not get to sleep in his own bed until he was almost 5 years old..and even then she'd have to spend an hour or more in his room on the floor everynight until he fell asleep and then she'd have to sneak out of his room.  Ironically, she really got serious about her son sleeping in his own bed soon after she started having an affair with a man whom she invited over to share her bed later on in the evening.  All while her husband was out of town working.  That is of course is a different topic meant for a board entirely.

Both of my children slept on their stomachs and if I have any more, they will too.  I always feel like I need to give numerous explainations when I mention this to people but honestly, even my OBGYN chuckled when I told her this and said "So did mine."   I think more parents let their children sleep on their tummies than are willing to admit it because of the negative stigma attached to the idea of tummy sleeping. 

I also used the microwave to heat up baby food and water before adding the formula to it.  I didn't breastfeed at all (that was due to medication I was taking though), I used unboiled tap water for formula.  Sometimes, for late feedings, rather than walking downstairs to heat a bottle up, I admit that I just ran warm water and added the formula.  I gave both of my kids cereal at about a month old and started them on fruits soon after (mostly a little mixed with the cereal to prevent constipation).  I absolutely believe in the "Cry it Out" method, both of my kids have always slept in their own beds, and they've always gone to bed awake, as in I've never rocked them or "paced" them to sleep.

  So I did all of the "wrong" things-- or rather "No No" things that they say you shouldn't.  But hey, what works for my family doesnt always work for your family.  If people would just realize that... parents who parent in a different way than the "right" way (or rather suggested) would feel a lot less guilt.  I feel guilty writing this message and worried about how people will react. I'm hoping,..it will ease other parents guilt about the things they've done that they have heard were "wrong".  There is no right or wrong way to parent..of course there are studies that say this is better or that is better but for every study that says it's better for a baby to sleep on it's back, there is a study that says it's fine if a baby sleeps on it's tummy.

Oh one more thing about the tummy sleeping vs back sleeping.  I graduated with a woman that had a baby die of SIDS-- her baby slept on it's back.  She was a smoker though--another thing that raises the risk of a SIDS. I think if someone smoked in my house or if I had a premature baby, I would be more inclined to sleep a baby on it's back though-- since they're are already exsisting factors that are considered risks. 

My son spent some time in the NICU.  Ironically ALL of the babies are slept on their stomachs.  I asked the nurses why it was that they slept the babies on their tummies if the suggestion was for them to be on their backs... "Well they sleep better on their stomachs." was the reply.. Humm insteresting.. Of course I realize that a baby being monitored as closesly as NICU babies , the risk of SIDS is far less since they are normally hooked up to monitors that will alarm the staff is anything is awry but still.. in my opinion, this hospital isn't setting a good example-- "Practice what you preach."  Very hypocritical to get an infant used to sleeping on it's tummy (lets remember some NICU babys are there for months) and expect the parents to sleep them on their back when they get home...

Hello Dr Phil.

I have a 20 months old son, and he has this habbit of

waking up crying several times a night.

He goes to ed around 7 ish at night.

Before my husband and i goes to bed for the night, it usually

helps to just  look in to him and give him a cuddle and tuck him in.

After my husband and i have gone to bed, he wont calm down unless

we let him sleep in our bed, i know  its our fault , and my husband says

he enjoy having our son with us, but thats easy for im to say,  because  our son  ususally

sleeps in my arms, under my  covers on my side of the bed.

If he will not calm down, my husband goes downstairs to sleep,  he goes

to school  very early in the morning, so that is how it must be for now,but it's

not a wishfull situation.

I am getting real tired and i really could use some sleep.

How can i help my son to sleep all night without waking up and

comming in to our bed?

I don't believe  in letting them scream their breath of, and just let them

lay until they fall asleep, i think of that method as cruel and i am looking

for a solution that is more kinder on the child and us parents, if there is one.

I never had any sleep issues with my  older kids when they were small.

They slept all night through.

Please give me some advice,thank you :-)

Thanks from Jun

Bravo! This is what I was hoping people would take  away from my comments.  Every family is different!  I wouldn't say spraying your child's room with Monster Be Gone spray or reading them a story or singing to/with them before bed is spoiling your kids by any means.

The main reason I am not for co-sleeping is because I like my bed space.  I can't sleep if I have someone right on me (which when our kids nap with us in the afternoons they sleep right up close to my back).   Also when they were babies, I always worried about accidently rolling over on them or something like that. Of course hearing the horror stories from my friend who let her children sleep with her didn't help either.    I think co-sleeping works for some kids and perhaps for others it doesn't.  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how the situation is handled as well-- like anything, boundries need to be in place... i.e. once the child turns such and such an age, they will be expected to sleep in their own beds,etc.

Our little guy will crawl into bed with us sometimes in the morning if he wakes up early-- he'll sit in bed with us while we snooze a few extra minutes and watch TV.  He's of course full of energy and is laughing and jumping all over the bed.  :o)

Do you think that perhaps if you allowed your son to sleep in the same room as you but say in a Pack and Play (or if you think he's ready a toddler bed) he might settle down that way?  You could put the pack and play where he'd be able to see you and perhaps that'd ease his anxiety of not being in bed with you.  I think this would be a good way to transition him hopefully to his own room, own bed (well if that's what you want for him).

It's probably worth a try.  Good luck.

Emily

Hello again Emily, thank you for your advice.

We folllowed up on that, and lt our son sleep in our in

his Pack and Play.

He woke up a couple  of times during the night, and

cried a few seconds, and  the only thing we did, was to say

shhhhhhhhh, we are right here,and he slept again, it was

INCREADABLE! You cant  imagine how good it was to have

MY side og the bed to MY self..hihi ! Now we will see  how he

goes tonight, his second night!

Thank you again :-))

Jun